


Lavender Blue

by rorrim



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, F/M, Gen, Slow Burn, first wizarding war
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2019-11-08 01:30:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 44,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17971916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rorrim/pseuds/rorrim
Summary: Running away was all she could contemplate during the long hours behind the locked doors. So when the freedom was finally hers, she didn't know what to do with it. Luckily, Hogwarts was always open to those, who seek help. Unluckily, it meant facing the strange memories of someone who didn't exist. AU set in the 70s





	1. Lullaby

1.

_I'm born again,_

_How could that be?_

_My past, my future: where does it belong?_

_Where do I?_

_I see her face, can't help my cries._

_Am I cursed to live as someone else?_

_What an unpleasant surprise._

 

**Sunday, May 2, 1999, 8:47pm**

A great sphere was charmed high above them with the blinding whiteness of pure starlight that chased shadows away from the ostentatiously decorated hall. They lingered in her heart though, scattered to the furthest corners. These days keeping busy helped, as well as thinking of possible ways to dissolve the overwhelming black hole of persisting sense of uselessness. Imagining to be engaged in fruitful activity never failed to bring a faint smile to her lips.

'Those glazed eyes of yours tell me someone's being naughty, Miss Granger.'

A mischievous voice broke her concentration on the list of topics she still needed to cover for the upcoming N.E.W.T.s. George Weasley stood to the right, brows raised and amusement clear on his face. Hermione smiled, shaking the head to gather her thoughts.

'If by naughty you mean having to attend this sorry excuse of a party...' her speech started dripping with bitterness, so she cut it off, embarassed to be caught in ranting about the same thing again. George looked away gulping from the drink in his hand, which she suspected was infused with firewhisky.

'We've won, haven't we?' he mused. 'Even if so few of them wankers fought along with us.'

She pursed the lips to halt the verbal spew of resentment towards the Ministry and its role in the war. The show they put on while organizing A Victory Day and its grand celebration was a laughable attempt to appease those who risked everything in the fight. The all-around invitation to the legendary Spavin Hall, graciously opened to guests by Hadar Spavin, the descendant of the longest-serving minister, felt like a slap to the face in the wake of the continuous unsuccessful pursuit of remaining Death Eaters, who were murdering magical and muggle folk alike on a frenzied killing spree. It was such a joke to be here when so many lost their lives because of Ministry's incompetence.

'At least brother found ways to amuse himself.'

Caught in righteous indignation, Hermione grudgingly followed his gaze towards the banquet tables. A group of young witches and wizards gathered around Ron who was engaged in some sort of drinking game with Dean Thomas. Punch in their cups, which were more like small buckets by size, was most certainly not non-alcoholic beverage provided by the hosts.

 _Who'd choose to stay behind without any alcohol?_  She rolled the eyes in self-mockery. She was certainly not drinking in this ghastly place.

Hermione signed.  _She needed to get out of there. She should've left right after Kingsley finished his speech._

Harry cheered Ron. Next to him, with a bucket of her own, Ginny sang at the top of her lungs: 'Weasley is our King!' Neville was energetically gesticulating something to starry-eyed Hannah Abbott. The Patil twins whispered to each other glancing at Seamus Finnigan, who guffawed when Dean finished his bucket and let out a loud belch. Luna was impressed at the noise and said something to Ernie Macmillan which caused him to spray his drink through the nose to the delight of the group. Alicia Spinnet pointed to Angelina Jonson at the unlikely pair of Lee Jordan and Katie Bell laughing boisterously some distance away. Angelina seemed amused, and somehow indignant at the same time while she sent unsuccessfully covert glances towards her and George.

'He's going to propose tonight.'

_Huh?_

'Huh?'

George heaved a great sigh, dramatically peering heavenward.  _What an arse._

'A certain brother of mine decided to make his intentions clear and could not choose the occasion more suitable. That is why he is drinking himself into a bucket,' he suddenly grinned. 'Literally.'

Ron was now singing at the top of his lungs 'God Rest Ye, Merry Hippogriffs' of all songs. Hermione cringed both at the crass choice of song and George's blunt disregard of her feelings.  _Was this a prank?_   _Her love life was romantic, indeed._

'Harry has got a sobering potion. We even offered to get some felix felicis,' George went on inducing intense frustration in Hermione.  _What on earth made him think he could just go and spoil this moment for her and Ron?_  'I mean if you'd rather we got him home before he embarrasses himself-'

'I'm going to say yes!' Hermione snapped.

The annoyed response to the unwanted proposal from the brother of her boyfriend rang clear and,  _such bliss_ , made him stop mid-speech. George grinned, but the happiness he was trying to project did not quite reach his eyes. Hermione exhaled her irritation, as pity filled its space. She averted her gaze. George wouldn't have appreciated it in the least.

'Just looking after my brother, you understand,' he said unapologetically and stalked off to join Ron and Harry who were now having a singing contest.

 _He had the right to meddle if only to protect one of his brothers._ Hermione sighed, rubbing the forehead to stave off the budding migraine _._   _How she wanted to be anywhere else in the world right now._  In the wake of the news, George so gracefully supplied, she had no choice but to stay.

Drawing a calming breath, Hermione resolutely turned away to find Andromeda and Teddy which she planned to do before her thoughts drifted to the impending exams.  _They were a foolproof guarantee to improve the ghastly evening._

It was easy to spot a child's head of turquoise across the hall. Her favourite witch was leaning against one of the massive columns circling the centre part of the grand ballroom, holding little Edward tightly. She was telling a story that had Teddy hanging on every word. Gazing at the happy grandmother and grandson together, Hermione almost missed two furiously arguing wizards to the left. Furrowing brows, Hermione tried to place gestures of one of them. For all, he seemed familiar she was certain to have had never met him before.  _Only a brawl was missing in this dreadful place._

'Hermione!'

Andromeda nodded her over and she went with one more glance at the men. Both stood leering in her direction.  _Splendid. Ministry w_ as _now employing nasty creeps as well._

Teddy's hair curled and darkened to an exact shade of brown her own locks were and he wiggled in the arms of his grandmother reaching for Hermione. With a laugh, she hugged the boy close to her heart. He smelled sweetly of sunny beach and ripe apples.

'Who is this little pixie I found?' she cooed bouncing the child in her embrace. Teddy happily squeaked tangling tiny fingers in the styled curls. Hermione didn't care. She already felt so much better, playing with him.

Andromeda smiled, watching them in content. 'Just the other day he managed to sneak away in the apothecary and was returned to me with the very same words,' she stroked Teddy's plump pink cheek. 'I believe it was meant as a flirt. The wizard was younger than Kingsley, for Morgan's sake!' the witch burst into a peal of delighted laughter.

Hermione joined in her mirth, gazing fondly at the older woman.  _It wasn't so bad to come after all._

'I'd like to visit you once I'm done with the exams,' she tickled Teddy slightly which caused him to erupt into another set of squeaks and giggles. 'We could go somewhere together or I could relieve you of this little beast for a while.'

Andromeda lovingly caressed her curls.

'You are always welcome with us.'

Hermione had to blink back the tears that threatened to spill in response to Andromeda's kind words. Fondness pulsed strong in her chest in rhythm with the heart which was so filled it felt swollen.

Fighting in the war brought many of them close together. Nevertheless, at first, Hermione was hesitant to follow Harry on visits to Teddy. Her friend insisted because he just could not relax around Andromeda, who only at first glance resembled Bellatrix and was as different from her sister in temperament as water and oil. Stiff as he was with Tonks's mother, Harry doted on his godson. He was determined to give Teddy love for both Nymphadora and Remus.

Hermione, however, soon enough found a great companion in the older woman. Andromeda's calm way of speaking and even the occasional haughtiness were similar to her mother's prior to the trip of the Wilkins to Australia. The Grangers were returned back to Britain with their identities intact before Hermione even considered finishing her seventh year. The one-sided decision to place the charm on her family caused a rift in their relationship that resulted in an abundance of distrustful and disapproving looks and words. After apologies were uttered and embraces were shared the split was still ever so present like an open cut which seemed incurable.

It was an unabating ache.

Andromeda offered a piece of advice one day when Hermione had a particularly nasty exchange at home on the topic of her future prospects. As usual, it ended in bitter accusations from her mother and angry silence from her father. They wished for Hermione to attend a university and consider life outside of magical Britain. The Grangers did not want to hear blatant refusals, yet did not have much patience for her arguments either. So, she followed Harry in an attempt to escape from home and had an outwardly random conversation with Andromeda about Remus and his poor ability to follow his heart under the strain of expectations and limitations he once caged himself by. Hermione found herself inspired and managed to reach the compromise with her parents. She decided to graduate from Hogwarts and consider a part-time course at university which would allow her to work. After the success of that clandestine counselling, Hermione could not help coming back for more, until she visited Andromeda and Teddy at least once a week by herself.

'Bah!' little Lupin shouted squirming in her embrace. An unpleasant odour spread and Hermione wrinkled the nose. Andromeda was already taking him away.

'This mess is ought to be cleaned,' she said. 'Why don't you join your beau? He keeps glancing over.'

As if on cue Ron grinned from the other side of the hall, raking hands through the hair and messing it in the manner of Harry.  _He was such a goof sometimes._  She smiled back, waving.

'I might as well.'

Andromeda and Teddy were already a few paces ahead on the way to the bathrooms.

Hoping that Ron took the sobering potion, Hermione had not made half of a step when there was a massive blast right behind. Teddy cried out in fright. Something slammed across her back and the skull with such force it stole all her breath away. The pain was so severe, she couldn't even scream. Her body rose in the air as if weightless and was propelled hard into Andromeda. They crashed to the stone floor. Over the screams of guests and ringing in her ears, from seemingly all directions at once there were several more explosions.

Heavy dust filled the hall.

Hot and sticky blood trickled down her neck and spine as Hermione gasped, and choked, and wheezed, trying to stay conscious. Pain angrily pulsed all along her back and deep inside the skull, nausea twisted in the gut, the taste of bile revolting on the tongue.  _Concussion, contusion, broken bones._

_Teddy!_

_Andromeda!_

Hermione managed to lift herself a little from the crumpled form of the witch and examined her briefly. Groggy, she let out a huge breath of relief, again choking on the dusty air. The older woman was dazed but did not appear to be injured. Teddy was fortunately safe if scared as he wailed clutching at his grandmother.

Ahead, colourful flashes of curses illuminated the thick of the dust as a duel broke out on the other side of the hall.

_Harry!_

_Ron!_

Hermione tried to move over Andromeda and sit up. Her body refused to comply. With sluggish movements, she reached for the wand stashed in the side pocket of the dress robes.

_It was not there!_

With heart stuttering in mounting panic, Hermione searched for it, groaning in frustration at her slow hands.

_She put it there herself! Where was it?_

Behind, a man shouted a killing curse and its foul aura settled on her skin, making the fine hairs at the back of the neck rise. Hermione couldn't catch a single breath for a moment. Someone was just murdered while she lay there injured and defenceless.

'Andromeda,' she whispered urgently at the dazed woman under her, 'where is your wand?'

There was no other reply but Teddy's cries.  _What was she going to do?_

Lifting herself slightly on trembling arms, Hermione chanced a backward glance. The small movement had her gasping from the pulsing ache in the neck and skull. She coughed, gagging on the dust. Black flowers bloomed in her vision for a moment and wilted away.  _She wasn't going to last long._

One of the leering men from earlier, uncaring about the moaning and screaming chaos around, was firing curses left and right, each hit blasting a chunk of the great columns supporting the ceiling. Hermione's mind was frantic even as the body remained unresponsive _._   _He was trying to make everything collapse! It would be a massacre! What was she going to do?_

Wizard's features bubbled and there stood Rodolphus Lestrange, determined and completely unhinged, methodically swishing the wand. She struggled to move, which only caused more pain to flare in the spine and head. More black spots hindered her vision. Nausea was so intense Hermione couldn't breathe.  _How foolish it was to trust the Ministry to be able to protect anyone. She should've known._

Before she could think of any plan of action, Lestrange glanced up and hurled a curse at the ceiling. The time seemed to slow like in the new moving picture Hermione wanted to see with Ron that summer. A great block of stone was falling straight at them slashing the dusty air like knife cut butter. The infinite number of thoughts filled her mind, fighting for attention.

_Would Harry like or hate that movie? It looked wicked but the protagonist was also The Chosen One, and Harry so hated being famous._

_What kind of face would Andromeda make at her blabbering about the film? What would her parents think?_

_Would exams be difficult or easy?_

_Would her wedding be as filled with happiness as she dreamed?_

_Would she have a boy or a girl to play with her hair?_

Hermione relaxed the straining arms, collapsing back over disoriented Andromeda and hysterical Teddy embracing them with all her might, covering them as well as she could, forgetting the pain and nausea. Resolve filled her heart.

_She was going to die._

'I love you.'

_She would shield them until then._

Hot tears slid down her cheeks.

_Fear was all-consuming, despair - unbearable. She wanted to live with every fiber of her being._

'I love you.'

_Hermione needed Teddy and Andromeda to survive even more if it was the last thing she'd ever done. They had to be fine._

She willed all of her magic to seep through the fingers, the skin, and the very pores and protect them from any harm. The dusty air grew hot and impossibly heavy, choking the wind out of Hermione. Her skin was on fire, muscles and nerves frying underneath, bones trembling in small chocks, yet, she experienced only relief. The smell of the storm was calming and nostalgic. How she loved watching the lighting dance in the night skies.

_Maybe, she’ll get to see it for the last time._

But the view was obstructed by the grey stone. There was no more time. She was ready.

'I love you.'

•• — •• — •• — • 

_Hermione!_

Several minutes later the last of the few fighting Death Eaters were stunned, bound and escorted from the hall. Their terrorist group had only six people, all came out of bombarding alive though wounded, with Lestrange brothers unconscious and Mulciber foaming at the mouth at being taken to Azkaban.

Aurors vanished the dust and were levitating fallen parts of the columns, walls, and ceiling to the sides of the hall. The majority of guests, especially those who were situated close to members of the former Dumbledore’s Army were unharmed. Called-in healers quickly dispersed the crowd by issuing calming draughts in large quantities and sending people home.

However, many other guests were buried under the rubble.

Harry was going through the wreckage in a frenzy, searching for familiar faces, terror churning deep in his gut. Minerva McGonagall was among the casualties lying unconscious with bleeding head wounds. As healers were attending to the Headmistress, in distance Harry spotted Bill clutching at still body of Fleur, head bowed low to her neck, as she gazed up with eyes open but unseeing. Molly and Arthur both ghostly pale and holding each other tightly were standing like statues right behind them silently crying. To their right, Draco Malfoy sat on the floor next to the bodies of his mother and fiancé. He stared right through Harry, blank face dirty and tearstained. Clenching fists until they hurt Harry managed to move on.

_How many more times he’d have to witness such destruction and misery?_

A child was wailing faintly somewhere ahead.

Ron was next to the entrance doors closing in a circle from the other side as they agreed. It seemed his friend was stuck trying to calm a hysterical witch rather unsuccessfully with the most helpless expression on his face. The scene would have made him smile at any other time. Now, the desire to wildly scream Hermione’s name was growing exponentially with every passing second.

_She had to be fine. She was Hermione._

The mantra helped little to calm his mounting dread.

Ahead, two aurors struggled with the levitation and Harry rushed to their aid, despite the fear to see Hermione beneath. But under the heavy stones, Katie Bell and Lee Jordan lay unmoving hand in hand - Harry had to gulp a breath of air because his vision abruptly went black. As vividly in his mind, another pair was dead on the cold floors of Hogwarts, their infant son left an orphan.

Anguished shout close by brought him back to the present.

Ron was bawling over someone, which briefly made him wish for unconsciousness.

_Please, not Hermione._

Stomach in knots and the sense of foreboding consuming every thought, Harry caught himself signing in relief once he spotted the short red hair of the person Ron was holding. Horrified by this bout of callousness he hastened over but froze mid-step, stumbled badly and almost crashed to the floor upon looking to the right.

_Please, no._

As the part of the collapsed ceiling was being gently lifted, a bloodied body came into view. Someone under it was having a bad coughing fit while blubbing pitifully. The smell of ozone was so strong he absentmindedly expected the skies to break in half and spill its insides all over him. Harry didn’t care. He stood rigidly, brain pulsing with one name:  _Hermione, Hermione, Hermione._

Aurors levitated her aside: his eyes followed every movement without even a glance towards Andromeda and wailing Teddy who were being checked over by the healer. His limbs, seemingly made of lead, robotically moved towards his resting best friend. _She was just a bit tired. Hermione simply needed a breather._

Detached, he gazed over her broken features, filing every detail away: red delicate hands bent at odd angles, pale face disfigured on the right side and matted mane of curly hair grey from all the dust. With eyes burning, dry throat, unable to swallow or take a breath, Harry tripped on the bit of stone and fell heavily. Pain exploded in his knees but he paid it no mind. The fall brought him closer to Hermione’s still form and Harry scrambled forward fisting hands in the beautiful dress robes he and Ginny bought for her birthday that was so rich with well-wishes and predictions of greatness for the brilliant muggle-born from everyone who knew the witch.

_She had to wake up._

_He had to wake her up._

Harry grabbed her roughly by the shoulders, shaking the witch frantically. From far away he heard unbearable keening, that broke his heart.

_No._

_No._

_No._

_No._

_No._

_No._

_No._

Harry came to himself slowly, the terrible wailing sound still distant but getting louder. He was clinging to Hermione with all his might. The bloodied body was pliant but cold. Her head lolled to the side on his shoulder, glassy left eye boring into his own. He was out of breath and coughing, tears clogged the throat. With heart wildly beating Harry gulped the air greedily until he grew dizzy and heard the keening again. It was coming from him.

He coughed wheezing, clutching the witch closer.  _She was just asleep. He needed her to..._

'Wake up,' he whispered urgently, 'wake up, Hermione.'

Her name was swallowed by sobs.  _She couldn't have gone. She couldn't! I asked for her to stay!_

'Please, wake, Hermione,' he kept on begging.  _He knew she was just sleeping. She'll open her eyes and smile at any moment now._

She didn't.

'Please, I need you to care for me,' his voice was rising.  _She had to open her eyes! It wasn't funny anymore!_ 'You can't leave me like mum, and dad, and Sirius.'

_Hermione promised to always be there for him!_

'You can't leave me!' Harry shouted, heart throbbing and crumbling to pieces. 'I beg you!'

_He refused to let go._

Harry wept inconsolably, wishing for Hermione to wake up, to stay with him, to always look after him. He bawled and begged desperately, not seeing shaken Ron white in the face who stood rigidly over them, or Ginny who gently tried to coax him to let go; uncaring about Teddy loudly crying in arms of Andromeda, not a scratch on both of them; refusing to notice the blood on Hermione's broken body that he clung to.

_Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease_

Harry sent unending prayers for her love, selfishly beseeching the witch to care for him.

_Please, let her live._

He wished, and wished, and wished for her to be granted with a chance just one more teeny-tiny time.

_He'll give his life for hers in an instant. He couldn't stand to witness any more of the loved ones die._

Hermione remained limp and cold. Harry's lament was joined by Ron, Ginny and all of the former Dumbledore's Army. Molly and Arthur were grieving in each other's arms. Malfoy vacantly observed the body with dead eyes.

Andromeda watched on stoically, knowing she would have the time to mourn to the heart's extent, pondering that if her sisters ever were at least a bit like Hermione, mayhap, the life would not have been so full of loss. For a heartbeat, she wished to have had one more sister to care for, who could have been just the grain that tipped the scales in their favour during the war before it reached Harry.

Sky peeking through the gashes of the collapsed ceiling was dark and cloudless, with stars flickering in the great distance, cold and unsympathetic. Centaurus's Agena was dazzling in the night, while the Girdle of Andromeda pulsed brighter and brighter as if the chained woman was gently swaying to a sound of a lullaby.


	2. The Filly

_2._

_Door’s locked_

_But magic opens all._

_The exit looms ahead, yet, I am in that room again._

_Few hours free of paper and the memories will fade._

_I’ll try again with same results until success on wedding day._

_Why do these faces seem so familiar to me?_

 

**Friday, September 3, 1976, 5:47am**

Something tickled his lips and the sensitive skin around the mouth making James wake with a start. A black bear-sized dog had its nose nearly pressed to his own, its short coarse whiskers creating the itching sensation. The pale light of the charmed chandelier blinded him. James turned away with a groan, burrowing into the cold pillow.  _This time the sun wasn't even up yet!_

‘Padfoot,’ his whine was muffled. ‘You’ve got to stop doing this shite!’

The laughter of his friends-wankers was joined by the loud barking.  _So very like them to mock the unprecedented misery he had to endure waking up early after the summer holidays. James could’ve been dreaming of Evans! And now he didn’t remember!_

The pillow was heavy enough to have the momentum when in flight towards the dogface of his best mate. James scrambled from the bed, snatching the wand from the side table.

‘Now, all of you twats are going to pay!’ a wave and all pillows in the room rose chasing to beat the sweet-dream-interrupting arseholes, evading the shields and barricades.

Padfoot didn’t even bother to change. Instead, he rolled around biting and ripping the fluffy attackers. Soon, feathers were everywhere in the room.

‘Prongs! Ah! Protego!’ Peter shouted, spitting the plume, and gave up on the defence, choosing to run around the room, as three pillows followed, smacking his bottom.

Remus got hit twice before figuring out the counter and sent a jinx that made James’s freshly pressed robes amble around.

‘That is old news, Moony,’ James yawned, ending the spell with practised ease. ‘Haven’t you got something new up your sleeve?’ Remus snorted.

‘Made you look,’ he chortled when James started to step dance disturbing the feathers that collected on the floor. The reverse for tarantellegra didn’t work, as well as any other counter. He had to give it to Moony: the Irish dance that his feet performed was of high quality. James thanked the routine Quidditch practise for being able to keep up. The socks with snitches he wore to sleep muffled the sound and provided little protection for his heels from the stone.  _It was certainly better to dance in shoes._

‘What,’ James panted, wiping sweat from the brow, ‘is that,’ a feather nearly got into his mouth on an inhale, ‘buggering spell?’

Moony kept laughing until he collapsed on the floor covered in the white plumage. Padfoot barked jumping in circles around him, still in the dog form. Pete was busy boxing the pillows.  _His friends were just great._

Someone banged on their door, shaking the handle violently.

Remus cut off mid-guffaw, Padfoot quickly transformed. In the brief silence, his and Peter’s panting was loud accompanied by the smacks of pillows on Pete’s head.

‘What’s going on over there?’ an angry shout of the seventh-year prefect Mycraft Kirke came from the other side when the lock didn’t budge. ‘If you don’t shut it I’ll make sure Sutcliffe and McGonagall come right up! It’s too bloody early for this shite!’ Another frustrated bang was followed by the receding stomping.

_Probably, Kirke forgot again he could use alohamora on doors._

Sirius made scary eyes at Remus and they burst with an even louder laughing fit. Jumping from one heel to another, James let out a cackle but had to break it off, struggling to catch a breath. His heart pumped fast and steady, while feet worked like clockwork kicking the feathers in the air.  _It was a rather easy way to keep fit, if only he knew how to stop. Just what was that jinx?_

‘Moony,’ he called, panting, ‘I’m so gonna get you for this!’

Padfoot went to Peter, cancelling the spell on the pillows, then showing him a few dodging moves.  _This wanker of the best mate chose to help Wormtail first! And what of James? The betrayal!_

‘Well, if you challenge me to a dance-off I wouldn’t stand a chance,’ and Remus went down again, cackling and clutching sides.

_Har! Har! He wasn’t nearly as funny as he thought himself to be._

‘Padfoot!’ James called. ‘Fass! Attack Moony!’ Pointing was rather difficult to coordinate while jumping.

‘I’m not a dog, you arse!’ Sirius yelped but came to his aid. Remus was of no use from the feather-covered floor where he lay wheezing. Peter poked him in the side with a wand, apparently creating enough of a tickling sensation.  _They broke Moony._

‘What the fuck is that spell?’ Padfoot muttered after casting unsuccessfully several times. It didn’t help that he laughed every time James performed a particularly sophisticated step. Peter took out a box of Bertie Bott’s and settled on Sirius’s bed applauding and cheering occasionally.  _At least, one of his friends appreciated the technique._  Moony was still in hysterics.

There was a brief knock on the door and McGonagall came in with the Gryffindor Head Girl Claire Sutcliffe in tow. The latter gaped, taking in the chaos around.

‘Professor!’ Padfoot shouted. ‘I’m not decent enough for a scolding!’ He made no attempt to cover himself, fully turning towards their visitors instead. Admittedly, Sirius was the only one without a shirt on. Sutcliffe turned crimson and averted her eyes.

McGonagall didn’t even blink, rapidly assessing tittering Remus, Peter, who instantly straightened at the scrutiny, and cheekily grinning Sirius. The Scottish witch paused at James’s dancing.  _Maybe, the professor knew a talent when she saw one._  Her lips twitched.

‘Barely a third day, young men,’ she scolded loud enough to be heard over the panting of the jumping James. ‘So far it takes the biscuit.’

‘Thank you, professor,’ Sirius said. James chuckled and sneezed on a feather.

‘Bless you,’ Sutcliffe and Remus wished.

McGonagall sighed and shook her head.

‘Each of you is to come and speak with me right after your Defence class tonight,’ she spoke. ‘Is that understood?’

‘Yes, professor,’ they chorused, including Claire. McGonagall raised a brow at the blushing Head Girl.

‘Miss Sutcliffe, you are free to go, thank you,’ the witch practically run down the stairs.  _It was rather unfair girls could easily climb to the bloke’s dormitories._

‘Sort this mess at once,’ the Head of the Gryffindor House ordered and they all nodded.  _Well, James didn’t really have to, given his chin was in the perpetual status of bouncing._  ‘Oh, and Mister Potter,’ she said, turning away, ‘if you’d like I can speak to professor Villeneuve to have you participate in our dance club.’

His mates guffawed again before the door completely shut.

In the end, Moony released him but refused to disclose the specifics of the spell even after they were ready to leave the dorms. James’s feet couldn’t stop twitching at the breakfast table.  _How was he to ask Evans out in such a state?_  James petulantly threw a muffin at Remus, who caught it with a smirk.

‘Thanks,’ he bit into the pastry hungrily and sipped his over-sweetened tea.

‘Twat,’ James muttered and focused on Evans a few seats to the right. The witch was as radiant as always, auburn hair catching fire every time a sun bunny flickered around. The charmed ceiling reflected pale blue sky that was covered in fluffy clouds. An occasional beam of light shined through.

McKinnon sat next to his future wife, talking nonsense without a doubt. Opposite, Dorcas and Mary giggled pointing at…  _Him?_

‘Padfoot,’ he murmured, playing cool and sending the girls a wink. They snickered. ‘Something on my face, innit?’

Sirius shrugged and took the toast off of his head, biting on it. Remus snorted into the tea, and James kicked him in the shin.

‘We’re going, yes?’ his best mate asked, buttering another toast. ‘Moony,’ he said halting any protest from the sandy-haired wizard, ‘missing Arithmancy once wouldn’t make any difference,’ the bread crunched on his every chew.  _The elves loved the bugger._ ‘Besides--’

A small commotion at the Ravenclaw table drew everyone’s attention. A seventh-year with the frizzy hair that barely held a hat and thick lenses stood and proclaimed in a hollow voice:

‘The hooves that never touched the grass

Will travel far and travel fast.

A shadow follows,

Life that’s borrowed,

Until it strikes and leaves a scar,

The archer watches from afar.’

The witch choked on her last words and looked around as if lost. As usual, her table remained silent, some Ravenclaws even dropping their faces into the palms. Headmaster raised the goblet, nodding at the witch, while McGonagall pursed the lips. Padfoot started to applaud, and Peter joined. James yawned, lazily clapping. Soon the whole Gryffindor was cheering, albeit sounding a tad forced. The witch bowed and left the Hall with a confused smile.

_She was probably surprised to come up with a rhyme for once._

‘That wasn’t too bad this time,’ Sirius said when the students started seeping away. Evans passed them with McKinnon, not so much as glancing at him, despite his attempts to sit straight and smile invitingly.

‘Did she say hooves or boots in the beginning?’ asked James dejectedly, not really caring about the foolish rhymes. Marlene winked, to which he sent a sour grimace, making the witch laugh.  _If only Lily were so easy to cheer…_

‘Pretty sure it was moves,’ chortled Peter.

‘She said hooves,’ Remus argued.

‘Well, it doesn’t make sense! It was boots!’ Sirius argued.

‘It’s Trelawney,’ Moony shrugged. ‘Nothing much makes sense with her.’

Sirius shook the head stubbornly.

‘The boots whatever touched the glass… What was next, Moony?’

Remus sighed and shrugged.

‘The grass. Will travel fast, something shadow, scar and the archer waiting from afar,’ he recited, clasping hands.

_It was all unimportant bullshite!_

‘Who’s the archer, how do you think?’ Padfoot kept talking. _He had better been helping get Evans’s attention!_

‘Maybe, it’s you, Sirius,’ Peter snorted. ‘You, certainly, make the girls quiver.’ Wormtail snickered, knocking over his empty goblet.

‘Whatever,’ Padfoot rolled the eyes, cringing. ‘Let’s just go.’

The walk to the fourth floor was boring, as the students were either in the classrooms, or the library, or the dorms.  _They were anywhere but in the corridors leading to the secret passage. Not a single Slytherin to curse!_

The wall disappeared as soon as he said the password and they went through the endless hidden corridor, as wide as every other in the castle. The torches lit one by one, burning the stale damp smell away. Wobbly shadows danced on the stone walls, their steps created an echo. It was a pretty place in a hauntingly mysterious way.  _Evans could appreciate it when she agreed to be his girlfriend._

‘Prongs,’ Peter whispered, watching the walls nervously, ‘do you think Madam Rosmerta will grass on us?’

Sirius snorted the sound bouncing off the stone and enhancing.

‘Don’t know, don’t care, Wormtail,’ James replied distractedly. _How many times could they sneak away if only Evans said yes! They could’ve been having a romantic picnic by the river every other day._

‘It’ll be fine!’ Padfoot clapped Peter on the back. Remus lagged behind, muttering under his breath.

The passage gradually narrowed, becoming oval in shape. The daylight, brightening the exit, was blinding after the dimness of the corridor. Outside the air was fresh, the water tinkled and the birds sang.  _It was a perfect day to relax and think of beautiful things in life. For example, of Evans._

‘Prongs!’ his best mate called from the first trees that surrounded the Hogsmeade village. Remus and Peter were further ahead.   _How’d they get there so fast?_  ‘You wanna go to Rosmerta’s now?’

James nodded, following his mates and yawning occasionally.  _Early mornings weren’t really his forte._

Rosmerta didn’t even lift a brow when they took the table by the fireplace after ordering butterbeers. Few patrons were in the pub. A huge man sat in the farthest corner reading the smallest-sized book that was dwarfed in his large hands. A young couple discussed dinner at the next table.  _Would he and Evans argue like that?_

‘Right! So,’ Sirius exclaimed, taking a hearty swallow from a third drink. ‘The date will be Christmas!’

_What would he give Lily for Christmas? Surely, they would be dating by then. Who could refuse James Potter for so long?_

‘Prongs!’ Padfoot barked.

‘Huh?’ he startled, head snapping up.

‘The plan, remember?’ Sirius asked, exasperated.

‘Yeah,’ James nodded, furrowing brows to appear serious and focused, ‘I’m listening.’

A rather large group of wizards gathered at the bar and near the door, flirting with Rosmerta, who smiled back coyly. James yawned, trying to pay attention to his mates, but it was a losing game. He closed his eyes, rubbing them furiously.

Stars exploded in the darkness and James knew if he pressed the eyelids even firmer, the blinking spots would start dancing and morph into the shapes of galaxies and nebulas. His best mate was among the stars, shining the brightest right next to the hauntingly beautiful emerald green giants. They turned into striking green eyes as the fair visage of Lily Evans was conjured by the imagination. His jaw went slack as the lovely fantasy sweetly smiled.  _If only she looked at him like that._

Something got in his mouth and James chewed on reflex. He was gagging from the disgusting taste the next moment, shivering.

‘What the shite?!’ he yelled, spitting out Bertie Bott’s bean tasting of pork lard.

Three twats, he shared the table with, snickered.

‘You were gone again, Prongs, and we need you to approve of the plan,’ Sirius was sombre for a second before breaking into a shit-eating grin. ‘It’ll be our Bohemian Rhapsody, detention for the whole year if we get caught, without a doubt.’

Peter got excited at the prospect and bounced in the seat. Butterbeer in their glasses sloshed and spilt on the table when it shook from his jerky movements. Remus rubbed hands together, regarding Sirius and Pete with a mixture of annoyance and worry.  _Moony really should have a giraffe more often, though not at his expense._

_Evans could laugh at him all she wanted._

With eyes glazing over, James chased after the vision of Lily, refusing to let it vanish. Like a good mate he was, Sirius tripped his chair. James fell flat on the face. Evans’s smile disappeared.  _Instead, he lay sniffing the dirty floor, which was beyond annoying_. He jumped up, catching the guffawing sod of a friend in a headlock.

‘Try me now, you twat!’

Soon enough the pair of them were rolling on the floor.

Remus signed heavily and looked at his hands. Peter loudly cheered the wrestling match on. Madam Rosmerta did not spare their table even a glance from the bar, knowing full well in a few minutes the teens would settle down.

James grinned triumphantly, pinning Sirius under the stomach claw. Padfoot could not quite throw him off, grunting in pain, when the fireplace next to their table flared and a little witch fell out flopping on her knees. Four of them stared bewildered: the fireplace at Three Broomsticks was closed unless one was flooing from the ministry or, perhaps, was a Dumbledore. The witch did not fit either requirement if only for her young age.

Oblivious the chit lazily scanned the pub, seemingly without noticing anyone. Her hair barely reached her chin, corkscrew curls completely grey in the front, jet black in the back and flying everywhere. She was pale and thin, and sickly. As the fireplace blazed green again the witch blanched to nearly chalky white, rose clumsily and proceeded to make slow way to the exit. Just as she hid among the patrons, Druella Black stepped through the floo, dishevelled and furious.

The Marauders exchanged glances and jumped to their feet as one. Sirius made a beeline for his relative with a dramatic shout.

‘Aunty Drue! How many lonely seasons has it been now!’

Peter, Remus, and James rushed from the pub to follow the mysterious silver-haired witch. They couldn’t find her anywhere nearby, even with the streets only partially filled with the relaxed early lunch crowd. James was about to suggest splitting up when a loud scream seized everyone’s attention from around three blocks ahead. The teens wasted no time running towards the noise.

A disgruntled wizard helped a witch to her feet, cussing without a pause.

‘Bleeding goats! The old fool has lost his marbles in that bleeding barn, I tell you,’ the man grumbled.

‘That was a horse, Elfie, not a goat,’ the woman answered breathlessly, straightening her robes.

‘Same bleeding thing.’

More yelps came from further down the street and James caught a glance of a silver filly weaving through the scarce crowd.

‘I have a feeling that’s our witch,’ he took off at full speed. Remus and Peter followed, the latter gulping huge breaths and red in the face. Remus looked peaky but did not even break a sweat. James panted, cursing the perspiration that collected at his temples and above the upper lip. As they reached the end of the block, the filly disappeared into the forest.

‘I’m going to change, she’s too fast,’ he puffed, pushing himself to move quicker. ‘I’ll try to bring her to our place. Wait for Sirius.’

Once past the first shrubs, he transformed into a stag and galloped into the density of the trees ahead.

Even though it felt like an eternity, broken tree trunks and scratchy bushes hindering the pursuit, James managed to catch her by the stream. The filly was staring at the other bank. She probably contemplated crossing it but did not want to get wet. If Prongs could he would have rolled his eyes.

_Witches._

As he came to a stop, the filly turned and reared in fear upon noticing him. James transformed, lifting the arms in a pacifying gesture.

‘I’m not going to hurt you,’ he made a slow way towards the stream. The filly was visibly readying to bolt. James tensed preparing to play chase.

‘I want to help.’

Somehow, the words calmed her and she stood still again, watching his movements. The horse was silver and had a black belly, her mane and tail impossibly curly. As James reached close enough to touch the muzzle, he was startled by the beauty of her eyes. They were the darkest blue he had ever seen.

‘James Potter is the name,’ he nodded slightly, grinning cockily. ‘And you are?’

The filly continued to stare at his face for a few longest minutes in his entire life.  _Maybe, it was no witch. Sirius would have a field day when he learned James tried to chat up a horse. He was so sure she was magic. How wicked it would have been to meet another animagus?_  James groaned, messing the hair.  _This was so not cool._

The filly reared and changed into a slip of a girl who only just reached to his shoulders. James grinned in satisfaction.  _Of course, he couldn’t have been wrong._

‘Mirach Black,’ slow reply came. Her voice was raspy and quiet.

_A who?_

‘Huh?’ his brain froze for a second before processing the information. She was nothing like his mate: short, skinny and absolutely average. _Blacks were supposed to be gorgeous, right?_

‘My best mate is a Black,’ he blurted in an attempt to fill the stretching silence.  _And why his hand was in the hair again?_ ’Sirius. Know him?’

Mirach kept staring, which made him shift from foot to foot. James frowned.  _What was there to be nervous about?_

‘The one blasted off the tree last Christmas,’ she finally replied in the same lazy manner. ‘Sister was very upset.’

The witch seemed to have lost interest in him, instead, choosing to stare into space with a disturbingly blank expression. James scowled. Her haughtiness was irritating.  _Surely, he was more interesting than empty air?_

‘And you?’ he snapped when she didn’t elaborate.

‘Me?’ Mirach cocked the head to the side, reminding him of Sirius, who was forced to interact with his hateful aunt for her sake.

‘You, yes,’ he said, meanly imitating the slow manner of speech, which came out as if he was speaking to an idiot. ‘What did you think?’

When the girl silently stared off, her features going even slacker, James thought perhaps she was.  _An idiot, that is._

‘I had no opinion on the matter then.’

He raised the eyebrows, sneering.  _What a Slytherin._ Irritation, which she provoked so easily by standing nearby, was starting to bubble.

‘And now?’

The witch didn’t reply. She didn’t look at him either.  _What was so bloody fascinating in the trees?_ He followed her gaze. The leaves danced in the wind just like they always did.

The longer the silence stretched the more impatient he grew. James had no intention to watch the forest with some loony bint. He cleared his throat several times to get attention. The chit ignored him, studying the stream and the trees. His hand ended up in the hair again.  _Didn’t Evans complain about that in June?_

_He had better things to do, really._

‘Listen, I’ll be the frankest you ever meet,’ James blurted, desire to sort this stupid situation as fast as possible consuming him. ‘Your family is mental, with a hideous motto and a twatty agenda,’  _why was his voice rising?_  ’and you seem like a typical kind of pureblood uptight struggle, who believes in supremacy!’

He was breathing heavily by the end of the tirade, itching to curse someone. Preferably, the chit  _who kept staring_. Before, he was annoyed that she paid him no heed. Now, he could not stand her scrutinizing eyes! Why someone would provoke such a weird reaction James could not explain for the life of him.

‘Did you just call me a cunt?’ the bint asked in an infuriatingly slow and calm manner.

‘Why, I believe I did,’ James scowled at the haughty smirk, annoyed by the lack of indignation, and barked: ‘Now answer the fogging question!’

The cunt continued to gawp and his blood boiled. Next he knew, a clear shield reflected his jelly-legs and James fell in a tangle of robes in the dirt of the stream bank.

‘I don’t need your help,’ the cunt said, ‘but thank you.’

_No shit!_

She transformed and buggered off, while he struggled to stand up. The robes were knotted around his legs.  _Sod her! He could just say he lost her._

‘Fucking Blacks, fucking twats,’ James grumbled, finally getting up. His heart fell when he glimpsed the filly going deeper in the thick of the trees. _Was she an idiot?_

‘Mirach! Wait! The forest is dangerous!’ he screamed at the top of the lungs, changed and darted after her.

Prongs galloped through the endless trees. The cunt was nowhere to be seen, but he could immediately tell the direction she went in. Her smell was honeysuckle, chamomile and something woody. It was a heavenly combination for him, not that James would ever confess it under any circumstances, including torture.

In the distance ahead there was a thunder of hooves. By the sound, it was a whole harras and soon enough weird screams reached his ears. The cunt appeared and steered him sharply to the right and away from the excited centaurs who kept shouting ‘Hadar!’ They galloped together. His mind was pleasantly free of thought other than the joy of wind whistling in the ears.

The forest grew dark and humid, the air turning heavy and pungent. White wispy shrouds wrapped the trees, moving eerily like ghosts’ robes. Mirach reared and pushed him to the right when a huge black spider jumped out of nowhere in front of them. Prongs smacked its hairy side with the antlers making it scurry away but already a cluster of acromantulas rushed towards them from all angles each bugger clicking fangs menacingly.

The filly stood covering his back.  _She was probably greeted with the same encouraging sight_. James transformed, getting ready to defend them both. The tension rose, the air becoming oppressive, fizzing with energy.

‘Arania exumai,’ he cast at top speed, swishing the wand in all directions. It was not looking good. One acromantula would be expelled and two would come in its place.  _Was this how it felt to fight a hydra?_

On the left, from the corner of the eye, James glimpsed a jerky movement. A huge ugly spider leapt at them. James aimed and missed, only hitting its leg. _Buggering hell! He was too young and handsome to be a spider snack!_

The flying arsehole smashed into a shield around them with a wet and crunchy thud. James gaped at the broken creature, momentarily lowering the wand. He turned and stared stupidly at Mirach who had both hands raised with palms facing out. More spiders smacked into the clear barrier from all sides, piling one on top of the other. James sped up with the casting not worrying about being hit anymore. _It was rather fun to curse the buggers._

‘Mirach,’ They stood back to back. The witch did not reply.

‘Mirach,’ James called louder, blasting the never-ending spiders away.

She grunted but kept the focus on the shield.

_Might as well take it as: ‘Yes, oh bravest James, what is the brightest thought you wish to share?’_

‘I have an idea,’ the blood rushed in his veins, the stormy smell of spells making him want to cackle. ‘Transform and carry me out of here, while I blast the twats off our tail.’

The witch did not reply but briefly nodded. He kept firing spells every side waiting for the right moment. There was a small window where all the spiders were down.

‘Now!’

Mirach transformed. James mounted and continued sending spell after spell at the eight-legged buggers, as she carried them off from the acromantulas’ nest. Soon enough they left the forsaken patch of the forest. James guided her through the trees, steering this way and that, and laughing madly. She was snorting, which probably meant to express mirth in Horse.

Once he managed to bring them to the meeting point, James gently coaxed the filly to stop and dismounted.

Mirach pranced around the meadow Marauders often used to spend time during the full moon and to practice spellwork, snorting occasionally, bouncing back and forth. James laughed again at her carefree attitude so very different from the stoic manner she greeted him with.  _Being a horse suited her more._

Barking brought filly’s playfulness to a halt. She scrambled around and behind him to hide, sticking the muzzle to the back of his neck. James snorted. Her trust in his protection fluttered and amused him.

Padfoot strutted towards them, only slightly smaller than the horse.  _Perhaps, she had a point in seeking shelter_. Remus and Peter followed the bear-sized dog, both windswept with twigs and leaves stuck in their hair. Padfoot changed mid-strut and Mirach’s agitation doubled. She made a low squealing sound.

‘Mates, this is Mirach,’ James hurried to calm the skitterish witch by introductions, reaching behind to caress her muzzle.

‘Name’s Sirius Black,’ his best friend of a wanker exclaimed, stopping in front of them while grinning like a loon. His grey eyes sparkled with manic happiness that was a bit disturbing. The witch didn’t appreciate it either. Mirach continued using James as a human shield, the gentle breaths tickling his neck.

‘Hello, I am Remus Lupin,’ the sandy-haired teen greeted, hands clasped tightly together in the front.

Mirach finally lifted her head and took to staring at his mates. James felt like laughing again. The girl gazed at everything as if until now she lived under the rock.

‘I’m Peter Pettigrew,’ the last Marauder said, joining them pink-faced and nervously smiling.

After several awkward minutes, when Sirius made one too many annoying comments about his ability to render a bird or a horse speechless, Remus snorted several times and Peter sniggered, James called her name.

The filly reared and turned into a small witch. She peeked at them, sheepish. Sirius stepped closer and James had the urge to yank him back and away from Mirach. She, in turn, focused on her cousin. Standing almost toe to toe with the tall teen, the girl seemed even slighter and had to crane her neck to look into his face. Sirius towered over her.

‘These are some robes,’ he murmured, gently brushing the sleeve of the rich material of her overgown. It was a dark green draped mantle embroidered with the silvery thread of constellations.

‘A present to remember and uphold traditions,’ Mirach answered but did not move, as Sirius studied her costume. He peered into her eyes and went to part the robe. James once again had to restrain the urge to drag Padfoot away. Remus shifted uncertainty and cleared his throat. Peter was wavering between nervous and excited.

One side of the mantle brought over her shoulder, underneath Mirach wore a silvery gown. It was satin, had long lacy sleeves and skirt, as well as high neck. It also was a lot like a wedding dress. _The kind James’s grandmother wore ages back at her marriage._

Neither cousin spoke for a long moment.  _Was it a contest? Who stayed silent the longest?_  James cleared his throat. Everyone ignored him. Remus contemplated the dress; Pete observed her rather vaguely outlined figure. The witch was an ordinary girl in fancy robes. The silent episode was getting on his nerves when Sirius closed the mantle.  _Thank Merlin for small miracles._

‘Who?’ his voice was gruff and unpleasant. Padfoot usually spoke that way to Slytherins.

Mirach shifted slightly eyes jumping away from his face. James scrutinized both of them, not quite following the thread of drama.

‘Dolohov.’

Sirius swore colourfully, dragging hands through the hair. James’s own itched to do the same.

‘Family went barking, I see,’ he slowly reached for her pale cheek. Mirach violently flinched upon contact but did not draw back.

‘What exactly do you see, Padfoot?’ asked Remus apprehensively as he took a step forward at Mirach’s reaction.  _Moony to the rescue._

Sirius turned to him, not moving the hand.  _It was impossible to read anything on the girl’s stupid blank face. And Padfoot’s paw blocked most of the view anyway._

‘Today is her wedding day to one old man Dolohov.’

James sneered.  _A Death Eater for a pureblood bride. She was probably a bigot as well._

Remus and Peter gaped.

‘Aren’t you like, thirteen, or something?’ Pete asked tentatively.

Pensive, Mirach gazed at the trees above. James scoffed rolling his eyes.  _She couldn’t have been calculating her own age._

‘I am fifteen,’ she finally replied. James frowned. The witch was too thin and small to be only a year younger. Sirius’s hand appeared gigantic against the bony cheek.

‘I must say, cousin, despite the occasion, you are dazzling,’ Sirius caressed her flyaway curls. ‘Although, the colour clashes terribly with my Gryffindor sensibilities.’

Mirach smirked in response, though the smile didn’t reach her eyes.

‘You are the silly Black, then,’ she drawled. ‘I have not met those yet.’

‘And you are the haughty one,’ Sirius sported an identical, albeit much open and joyful expression.  _They did look like relatives smirking this way_. ‘I’ve seen plenty of those.’

_Good! How about a move on?_

James loudly cleared the throat. Standing there like idiots was getting overwhelmingly boring. Remus glanced his way and shrugged.

Sirius did not pay them any mind and cuddled the girl, lifting her off the ground. Mirach was stiff and seemed uncomfortable.  _Probably, that was how it felt hugging McGonagall._ _James was going to compare one of these days._ What was for sure: their Head of the House did not care for rubbish talks about blood purity and blood traitors _. But what about Mirach?_

_And couldn’t Padfoot tell how awkward the hug was?_

With thinning patience, James speculated her stance on Sirius’s disownment. She never answered any questions. He could feel the scowl etching lines deep into the skin of his face.

‘Are you running away then?’ James tried to be as little curt as he could. Judging by the look Remus sent him, the question still sounded rude.

Sirius finally let Mirach down and turned to James, successfully covering the little witch with his imposing figure. Padfoot stood relaxed, but small lines around the mouth and flashing grey eyes were the warning signs which James would have picked up on any other time. Right at that moment, however, he was beyond irritated and bored.  _And he wanted answers!_

‘The pureblood priss does not feel like anyone deserves her and decides to flee from mummy for a few hours?’ James knew he was being mean, but could not really care less.  _Surely, the witch will speak up to prove him wrong._

Mirach stayed silent, watching him dispassionately. He wanted to shake her.

Sirius grew quiet and openly glowered.

‘Prongs...’ started Moony, but James had no more patience.  _She obviously didn’t need any help!_

‘And why are we wasting our time here? Let’s bring her back and be done with it!’

The moment the last word left his mouth, Sirius was upon him, clutching the front of his robes. James mirrored the stance and they scowled into each other’s faces.

‘I don’t see what is so special about her, mate!’ he nearly shouted, as they wrestled in the grass. ‘She has  _no opinion on your disownment_  either,’ James mocked her words. ‘She could be a blood fanatic the same as your mother!’

The outburst distracted James long enough for Sirius to see an opening and deck him in the chin so hard, he saw stars. Evans’s green eyes were not among them this time.

‘She saved ‘Dromeda’s life,’ Padfoot growled getting up. ‘You will stop being an arsehole before I knock you out.’

James sat up dazed.

‘You’d not be able to do that even if you wanted,’ he taunted.

Sirius cracked his knuckles.

‘Let’s see now...’

Before he could take another step though, Remus snapped.

‘That’s enough!’

They both startled. Mirach was slowly backing away from the clearing. Her eyes were wide and wild and the posture was full of anxious energy of someone ready to bolt. The witch finally showed emotions but James preferred the bland face to this mask of terrified worry.

_He was an arse._

The air around them thickened and settled heavily against James’s skin.

‘Mirach...’ Sirius’s voice made her halt, though she still was visibly panicking.

‘Mirach,’ Padfoot’s tone was gentle, ‘James was just being a prat. We are here to help you.’

He opened his arms as if asking for a hug. Mirach did not move and remained mute, but the tension surrounding them eased and disappeared.

James cleared the throat once again, winching in discomfort. It already felt raw.

‘So where do you want to go? You want to hide, right?’ James watched the carpet of yellowing leaves under his feet.  _He wanted to be done with this girl. She turned him into an awful person._

‘Hogwarts?’ Remus suggested.

Mirach paled, stumbling a step back. Sirius’s whole body twitched ready to support her.

‘Not Hogwarts, she will find me there right away,’ she spoke quicker than the usual drawl, slightly slurring words.

Sirius drew closer, trying to catch her eyes.

‘We’ll help you hide in a safe place. The route will take us through the grounds but not really close to the castle.’

Sirius extended his hand to her.

‘Trust me?’

Mirach slowly reached out and clasped it.

Thus, their journey to the Whomping Willow began. Mirach transformed two clumsy steps into it and Marauders decided to do the same. James carried Remus and changed Peter up until they reached the densest part between the forest and the tree on the cliff. The climb became too steep. They moved slowly, Padfoot making way with his massive body, Prongs on his toes, Mirach following and Remus closing the group while Wormtail sat on his left shoulder in the rat form.

The sun was high and blazing, which James noticed only once they left the forest almost reaching the grounds. The horse encounter lasted hours in his perception, but judging by the light, it was barely one o’clock. He changed in the cover of the bush and cast tempus. It was 12:23pm and officially lunchtime.

‘There is a hidden passage underneath that tree,’ Sirius spoke, caressing Mirach’s muzzle. She was the only one who remained in the animagus form. ‘It’ll bring us inside the house known as the Shrieking Shack.’

‘You might want to transform,’ James added. ‘The route is a bit narrow.’

The witch outright ignored him. His left eye twitched.

‘She’ll change once we reach the entrance, yeah?’ Sirius petted the filly and she nodded.

‘Alright, then, Remus, go check the witnesses; Pete, you’re after the knot,’ James gave directions, feeling petty. _So what if a witch was ignoring him? She was an absolute cunt anyway_. ‘Me, Sirius, and the cu… I mean, Mirach,’ he ignored Sirius’s death glare, ‘will go under first.’

‘See you in a bit,’ Remus murmured as he went to provide them cover, carrying Wormtail along with him and closer to the tree.

They waited silently for a while, Sirius still stroking Mirach’s muzzle much to James’s annoyance, until the tree went limp.

Once at the entrance to the tunnel in the roots, Mirach transformed, flopping on the knees. James rolled his eyes at Sirius’s chivalry and went ahead.  _He wanted to be done with this shite_.

At the trapdoor, he realized there was only Peter immediately after him.

‘Move it, Sirius!’

Far behind in the dimness of the passage, his best mate walked in front of the ambling witch, making occasional stops to wait for her. James’s left eye twitched again.

_Of course, the cunt thought they all came out here for an underground stroll. What a lovely view of tangled roots and crawling insects it had!_

Instead of snapping, which he felt the strongest desire to do James opened the door with a loud bang. Peter jumped next to him.

‘Prongs?’ Sirius’s voice was apprehensive.

‘I’m fine, just hurry the fuck up!’ he could not stand still anymore and went in, Peter following.

An eternity later Sirius finally came up, helping the cunt. She tripped regardless of his support.

_What a klutz._

Remus was the last to join them, staring at his feet.

Mirach took to her favourite pastime and ogled the place. It was admittedly a wreck. Scratches covered the dusty furniture. Deep claw marks littered the walls that hadn’t collapsed from the age and Moony’s assault. The bedroom, they brought the witch into, was even worse for wear as if a wild animal trashed it and not once. James reckoned sardonically, the Shack did not appear safe to stay at all. The thought did not make him gleeful and he took to cleaning and repairing, immediately joined by his friends.

‘I cannot stay here,’ the cunt’s annoying voice made them all stop mid-spell.

‘Why the fuck not?’ James bristled and Sirius shoved him. He glared at his best mate, cracking knuckles in preparation for another wrestling round.

‘This house belongs to someone else,’ the witch said slowly, almost lazily. For the first time, James considered that she spoke in this manner intentionally just to irritate him.

‘Nonsense,’ Sirius tried to reason, but the stubborn girl shook the head, which looked more like two slow haughty turns left to right.  _How he wished to hex her right now._

‘A werewolf transforms here,’ she drawled, making them freeze. James’s jaw went slack. ‘I cannot take his or her safe place away.’

They all stood there like statues for an eternity. He exchanged glances with Sirius and Remus, the latter shuffling his feet. James could tell Remus was gathering courage do something stupid, but before he could stop it, the teen cleared his throat and spoke up.

‘The werewolf would not mind,’ his words were quiet but rang clear among the faint creaks of the house. Remus regarded her apprehensively, head bent low and posture slouching and defensive.

If the stares were intense before, now her eyes were positively unnerving. Remus seemed to find the attention pleasant as he blushed and averted his face like birds did when Sirius even accidentally breathed in their direction. Little could be read from Mirach’s bland expression if not for her shining eyes but she did not look repulsed or scared of Moony in the least.

_Probably, didn’t get the message._

James rubbed his neck trying to relieve some tension in the shoulders. Sirius stood rigidly next to him, his breaths were loud and few in between. Pete was hiding in the corner. The witch strolled to Remus, took his scarred right hand in two of her delicate ones and gazed at him for a long moment. Moony stood stiffly, blushing even brighter shade of pink, unable to turn away from the girl anymore. Acceptance and stubborn pride were written plainly on her face. _It was a beautiful expression._

‘My tutor once was trying to sell me rubbish about werewolves,’ Mirach started slowly. ‘I told her to bugger off and was shoved to the attic.’

Remus looked like he was going to combust on the spot from the nerves. The witch continued, not breaking the eye contact.

‘You are a very handsome wizard and being a wolf from time to time will be completely tolerable once the wolfsbane becomes available,’ her speech was gaining speed, some words coming out slurred.

James and Sirius exchanged glances. Peter stood in the back bewildered. Remus did not even blink gazing at Mirach.

‘I could not care less what happens with your body once a month,’ she exclaimed. ‘In fact, I propose a marriage. Mother will surely lose it!’ her stumbled proclamation was followed by a mischievous if slightly manic laughter. James’s lips lifted in response, as Sirius chortled. Remus’s face was of the colour of a ripe tomato.

‘I apologize, I would have married you even without the aim to defy mother; and, of course, I’d never expose your secret to the likes of my family for whatever reason,’ the faster the witch spoke the more the words were jumbled, becoming borderline incomprehensible. James did not mind. Anything was better than the frustrating drawl.  _Mirach could mumble all she wanted as long as it were compliments at Moony or him. Sod Padfoot. He’s already got every bird in the castle singing him praises._ James smiled, his heart light and tingly.

Sirius went barmy, captured Mirach and spun the girl around the room as she laughed again. Remus stood dazed sporting a goofy smile. Peter came from behind and clapped Moony’s back, also grinning.

Impossible ease filled James and realisation hit that bizarrely despite the vexation all along he was worried about her reactions and opinions.  _The witch should have expressed herself openly. It was beautiful. Or she could’ve just remained a prancing horse, which was good with him._

Sirius finally set his cousin down and studied her face, hands resting gently on the fragile forearms. He could not hold back a shit-eating grin, the sheer wideness of it crinkling the corners of his sparkling eyes, and gathered the girl into another hug. Mirach was limp in his embrace as if she didn’t know how to respond. 

 _What kind of person didn’t know how to hug? Maybe, she needed a lesson from a master_. Exasperated but determined, James clasped the soft hands and put them around Sirius’s waist effectively cuddling both the witch and his best mate. Remus joined from one side throwing arms around their shoulders. Wormtail was tagged into a group hug by Sirius from another. They stayed unmoving for a long while.

Sirius briefly caught James’s eyes over Mirach’s head, smile gone and face twisted as if in pain, and embraced the witch tighter. She finally reciprocated, gently grasping James’s palms in her dainty ones and forcing him to hug her closer as well. He buried the face in her short hair taking deep breaths without much thought. Mirach smelled of honeysuckle, chamomile, and the Forbidden Forest. She was also crying into Sirius’s neck. James’s heart pounded, as the guilt filled his bones.

_Mom cried when his cousin nearly died from the Dragon Pox. Father didn’t know what to do. James neither._

_Lily cried once in the third year._

_What could he do? Call McGonagall?_

_Those were probably happy tears. She was cuddling with James Potter._ _Maybe, she didn’t want to cuddle. Did she miss home? Wanted to watch the trees? How were they supposed to make her stop?_

_Call McGonagall?_

James was lost and felt like a bum for his earlier behaviour but could not think of an apology. Instead, he nuzzled into her left shoulder. It was a very pleasant shoulder to nuzzle if a tad skinny. Remus must have thought the same: he was nestled into her right, breathing deeply.

Wormtail stepped away first. Three of them stood around the witch, as she silently wept until hiccups started. James snorted at the cuteness of the sound, relief filling him when the tears stopped. Embarrassed Mirach chuckled, making Sirius and Remus grin. The three of them hugged her tighter still and let go.

With tearstained cheeks and puffy lids she gazed first at Sirius, then Remus, and finally, James smiling in such a dazzling way it stole his breath away. Remus also appeared completely smitten and Sirius as if a Christmas at Potters finally came.

_She should’ve smiled sooner. The expression was too pretty to hide from him._

Afterwards, they cleaned up the room, and James reckoned it was half-decent by the time they were done. Mirach collapsed on the semi-dusty bed and promptly fell into a deep slumber. She slept on the back, breathing so lightly her chest barely moved. An image from the tale of Sun, Moon, and Talia flickered in his mind.

_The witch was not an overwhelming beauty, but her cheekbones were high, nose – small, brows – arched. Her hair and skin were soft and fragrant. Few gained pounds, decent sleep and a lovely smile and she would start turning heads._

‘Let’s go, we still have History and Defence later,’ Remus murmured, trying not to disturb the resting girl. He could barely glance away from her for longer than a minute.

‘Did you or did you not skip Arithmancy today?’ Sirius asked sardonically.

‘You are one to talk,’ Moony grumbled in response, as they moved towards the trapdoor.

In the corner James found a kilt to cover Mirach.

‘Let her rest now, Prongs,’ Sirius drawled when he stood watching the witch for a moment too long. ‘We’ll come back soon with support.’

James fixed the covers and followed the Marauders out. Somehow, studying her sleeping face made him want to caress the soft cheek while singing a lullaby.

_Could've turned into a decent apology, after all, he had a fantastic voice._


	3. Guilt

3.

_The darkness grows, expanding in my chest._

_The elf cries and I cry with him._

_‘The choice is yours,’ she says, ‘so make it known.’_

_I wish I died that day._

 

**Friday, September 3, 1976, 6:23am**

The leaves whispered sweet promises in the warm September wind. Her modest Greensleeves garden was full of ripening apples. In a month time, they would be ready for picking. Andromeda closed the eyes, tilting her face towards the early morning light. It was half past six and the sun has only just risen. The day promised to be lovely with skies high and cloudless, apple trees still green and fully dressed, and the sound of Chew Brook faint and calming.

Everything moved at its own lazy pace in this safe haven, not reflecting the dark thoughts and memories the date evoked in her.

Today was her youngest sister’s fifteenth birthday.

Andromeda has not seen her or been in any contact with any Blacks, besides Sirius and uncle Alphard for several years, and she could not help but worry for the young girl who was all but hidden in their family house since the disaster of November 1972.

Bellatrix was already tied with Lestrange then and now fanatically preached other man’s agendas. Narcissa had married the blond peacock she fancied back in school soon after their betrothal. Andromeda was positive their mother was as usually absent on her overseas shopping trips and gossiping sessions labelled as tea parties, while father busied himself with whatever family business he did with Orion. That meant, Mirach was abandoned to herself and the tutoring matrons right until the time to marry came. _Which, if the gut feeling screamed correctly, was once the girl turned fifteen._

Her belly cramped in extreme anxiety, as she guessed the most possible suitor for her little sister. Did she escape the bleak fate only to condemn Mirach? Did she not know it from the start? The notion made something twist painfully in her chest.

Andromeda smiled shakily as she remembered watching their back garden from the window the morning Mirach was born.

Hiccup brought the child to the nursery and she followed the elf like a puppy. Her awe was endless, as Andromeda gazed into Mirach’s startling dark blue eyes and fondled with a shock of grey curly hair in the front for the very first time. She imagined joyfully how they could play house with a real baby now. The day she sang a lullaby to her dozing sister, the happiness was so profound it reached all the way to the tingling fingertips. In the evening matron taught the sisters that beta Andromedae was called Mirach.

‘Miri, did you know?’ Andromeda told her the very next morning, as Hiccup fed the baby. ‘Your name is a star from my constellation. It means we are going to be together always.’

Mirach, of course, did not reply.

She was a very quiet child, and only ever cried when Bellatrix held her.

‘Itsy bitsy beast likes me so,’ Bella would coo, as Mirach wailed in her arms, while Hiccup stood wringing hands.

‘You are wrong,’ Andromeda would say. ‘She doesn’t like you at all!’

‘So does!’

‘Does not!’

‘So does!’

‘Does not!’

The argument would continue until Bella has had enough. Then she would shove the baby to the elf and storm out of the room.

The wind picked up freeing Andromeda from the thrall to her memories. She went into the kitchen to start breakfast. Today it was porridge with fruits and toasts with orange and strawberry marmalade. Nymphadora hated strawberries complaining they were funny.

Mirach never fussed about food. In fact, she did not even speak before Andromeda left for Hogwarts.

‘Mee-rah-k,’ Andromeda tried to teach her words, ‘see-stah, hee-cup.’

The child listened carefully and studied the surroundings intently but stayed silent.

It did not bother anyone somehow. Father had yet to spend any time with his youngest daughter. Mother had embarked on a binge of shopping trips in Greece, while little Narcissa was consumed by her pretend teas, which did not require anyone but herself, the exquisite toy tea set and her dolls. Only Bellatrix ever commented on the lack of speech, choosing to visit Mirach for the sake of making her cry. Nothing much provoked even a remotely strong reaction from the girl those first three years. Still, Andromeda adored her, and after meeting Sirius and Regulus, who were inseparable, wowed to make Mirach participate in their games.

The kettle whistled as soon as she tapped it with her wand. Milk warming and bread toasting, Andromeda started brewing the tea. Turning around, she waved the wand and waited for their table to set itself for the first meal of the day.

Narcissa sat primly holding the cup elegantly with two fingers.

‘My husband recently purchased me a most exquisite dress for the upcoming function we will be hosting in our manor. Ah, there will be so many guests from the best families, of course,’ the blond girl spoke with extreme haughtiness.

Across from her was three-year-old Mirach, listening and watching Narcissa studiously.

‘You, of course, are not invited, with that being a blood-traitor married to a muggle.’

‘A muggle!’ Mirach happily screamed her first word.

That day Andromeda scolded the blond so bad, the girl ran away in tears and was later avenged by a painful hex from Bellatrix. It was the first time she saw Narcissa’s mean games with Mirach which turned into the first Christmas sisters spent in separate groups of two.

Large but gentle hands snaked around her belly. Ted kissed her temple murmuring, ‘Good morning,’ grabbed the paper from the counter and sat at the head of the table. He enjoyed reading the news first thing in the morning even before his tea.

Mirach loved reading from a small age. While aloof as ever she seemed to enjoy the company of sisters because she always put her book away if they played. The games may have been mostly one-sided fantasies, but Andromeda remembered them with fondness. Even the childish taunts of Bellatrix who usually showed up only to spoil their pretend house parties with her colour-changing and tickling charms, and jinxes which never failed to make Mirach fall face first into the table, shone brightly against the gloomy background of the events to come.

Ted yawned and met her eyes. His face smoothed from the frown and he smiled cheekily winking at her. Andromeda snorted putting breakfast in front of him and watched as he ate.

The Black family shared less meals together as the girls grew older but the first five years of Mirach’s childhood they actually gathered at the dining table from time to time. Everything started to change when Narcissa was to leave for Hogwarts.

Mirach missed one of their last joint dinners on the evening before September the first.

‘I’ll check why my itsy bitsy sister is taking so long,’ Bellatrix jumped out of her seat.

‘Fell asleep, silly thing,’ she said upon return.

A loud crash sounded from above and Nymphadora shouted: ‘Amaright!’ Ted stood hurriedly and went to get her before little clumsy monster decided to come down.

Mirach tumbled down the staircase with resounding thuds. She broke the arm that morning of September the first, and after father hastily settled the child on the sofa of the sitting room and mended the bone, they had to leave for Kings Cross without her. Andromeda was so worried she pestered him with endless questions until he snapped that the healer would make sure everything was fine soon enough.

Many years later now, Andromeda could not help reflecting on his answer which once calmed her. _Not for the last time Mirach was left alone injured while their family pretended to be important and united. How farther from the truth that image could ever be?_

‘Momma!’ Nymphadora said waving her little hands from where she sat on Ted’s shoulders.

‘Good morning, sweetheart,’ she kissed her daughter’s button nose.

They all sat around the table, Ted sipping tea while skimming the Prophet, Nymphy playing with porridge and Andromeda staring at her untouched breakfast. The irritating clock given to them by Ted’s mother most certainly for no other reason but to torment Andromeda chimed seven. As pleasantly her father-in-law behaved as frustrating turned out to be the mother-in-law who was always trying to make her feel undeserving of Ted.

_She knew this well without anyone’s help._

Andromeda often got upset with Bellatrix’s victories in duels she instigated, or Narcissa’s extremely haughty behaviour, but never before Christmas of her third year had she felt frustrated with Mirach. The girl was not just aloof anymore: she spent most of the time in her thoughts during winter holidays or sleeping during Easter and summertime, with Bella always checking on her. For the first time in fourteen years, Andromeda spent every waking moment in the company of her older sister.

_That should have caused the alarms to go off._

Mother started bringing her and Bellatrix to the teas with society wives, with the purpose of finding them both suitable husbands. Mirach was never present at their meals, or games, and somehow, without any notice Andromeda had not seen her favourite little sister at all until the morning of the first of September of her fourth year.

They sat at the breakfast table like a real family for once, when Mirach showed in the dining room. The girl was thin and pale, and after a slow trip to the table full of jerky arm and leg movements, which was managed at all only because of the help of Hiccup, sat constantly fidgeting, and could not stop the trembling of her hands as she clumsily tried to grab the cutlery. Bellatrix did not lift her head from the plate, while mother kept talking about the marriage prospects. Narcissa openly stared at Mirach, appearing worried. Father did not pay any attention as he continued reading the paper and humming occasionally.

‘Miri,’ she asked the shaking girl, ‘what is wrong with you?’

When there was no answer Andromeda pointed out strange behaviour to father. He lifted his head and studied the girl for a moment, lips thin and a vein throbbing in the centre of his forehead. A healer was summoned immediately and what followed was the loudest ever screaming match between father and Bellatrix, which brought the ugly truth out.

Bella was, as she called it, training Mirach with nothing better than a cruciatus since Easter.

‘The little beast attacked me with magic!’ she yelled scornfully. ‘And why? Because of a mere elf! She is a blood traitor in the making!’ Bella was waving her arms frantically, eyes mad. ‘Yesterday it was the house-elves, tomorrow – filthy muggles and mudbloods!’ she laughed maniacally, while father regarded her stone-faced and mother stood aside pale. Andromeda was hugging Narcissa as they cried silently. ‘I did the family a service by pruning this out of her at the earliest stage! Morgan knows you never paid enough attention!’

As soon as her speech was over Bella turned placid and voiceless.

‘For this insolence, Bellatrix,’ father spoke in a quiet tone that promised nothing good, still aiming his wand at her, ‘you shall be wed to Lestrange at his convenience.’

Mother and Narcissa gasped loudly: Bella could not stand the wizard.

Cygnus approached his oldest daughter, cut her palm open, then his own and chanted the curse which would have made her hurt back if she ever tortured Mirach again.

‘Your sister is now damaged beyond repair and it will bring us shame. You brought us shame, Bellatrix,’ he caressed her wild hair and Andromeda thought how foreign the gentle gesture looked on him. ‘Shall you again do any  _training_ ,’ he sneered at the word Bella so proudly used, ‘without my advice, you will pay a much higher price.’

Druella had the girls made presentable and the family went to show themselves at Kings Cross without Mirach as if nothing happened.

‘Dromeda,’ Ted’s mellow voice aroused her from the bitterness of the memories, and she met his lovely eyes across the table. ‘Grantley is leaving. Most probably from next week, I will have to do some double shifts. All these terror attacks keep targeting muggle-borns and he is worried about his wife and the kids,’ He heaved a great sigh. ‘I think they want to move away.’

Evan Grantley has become a family friend in five years he worked with Ted at St. Mungo’s. He was a brave and sweet man, and hearing of him running in fear made her all the more uneasy and frightened.

‘What about Beth? Did she tell anyone where she’d gone?’

As Ted shook his head negative, Andromeda had a nasty feeling why his opinionated muggle-born supervisor who had a long successful healing career suddenly vanished and could not be found even by the magical post.

The owls did not reach Mirach either. For the most part of her fourth year, Andromeda would have thought she was ignoring her if the birds did not return with untouched letters. Christmas came and went with mother herding all sisters to endless teas, while Mirach had taken to shredding robes and spoiling the neat coiffures her hair was magicked into.

‘Mirach!’ mother shouted getting impatient. They had to leave any moment then.

The girl came down slowly, her dress robes torn, hair wild and smirk triumphant, as Hiccup trailed behind wringing hands but gazing adoringly at his mistress.

Narcissa snorted quietly next to nervous Andromeda. Bellatrix looked gleeful in the most disturbing way.

Mother reached Mirach in three long angry strides, slapped her hard across the face, whipped out the wand and cast several cutting spells on her long curly hair until it was so short it stuck out at odd angles, turning her into a mischievous boy wearing a torn dress.

‘I have had enough!’ mother scolded. Mirach stared silently with a blank expression, cheeks, and temples bleeding, where the curse missed her hair. ‘You will stay in the attic without potions and think on your foul behaviour!’ Druella turned to Hiccup, scowling.

‘Away with you!’ Ted yelled at the owl that crashed into the fruit basket on the counter. The kitchen now was in complete disarray. Nymphadora laughed throwing porridge each and every way. Andromeda sighed and picked up the letter the hellish bird dropped on the table before it proceeded with wreaking havoc everywhere.

‘Molly invited us to dinner,’ she watched Ted sloppily clean the mess with a wave of his wand.

‘I hate that owl,’ he grumbled kissing Nymphadora on the forehead as he wiped little girl’s cheeks. ‘Worse than the twins,’ Ted came over to kiss her goodbye as well.

Once upon a time, Andromeda would have argued. Prewett brothers made the life of every Slytherin hell in Hogwarts, and she personally was on the receiving end of a fair share of pranks from the silliest colour-changing to the actual hurtful curses that cut and broke bones. The animosity between the two houses only grew and by the end of her fourth year, Andromeda took to hiding in the library and avoiding the twins at any cost. Still, they managed to catch her unaware sometimes.

On one such day, mother notified her of the completed betrothal with supposedly respectable and powerful and just a perfect wizard. On top of everything she still had no way of contacting Mirach which made her feel all the more depressed. And the wound on her forearm kept bleeding.

‘That is one nasty cut,’ interrupted her pity party a tall fair-haired boy. ‘Although nothing could diminish your ethereal beauty.’

Out of control, her lips quirked in response to his cheeky smile.

‘I am a Black,’ she replied haughtily.

‘I am a Tonks,’ he shot back with a wink.

Her face grew hot. He drew his wand smiling openly, slowly pointed it at the bleeding forearm and promptly healed it, vanishing the blood. Andromeda smiled at him tentatively.

‘But I have to agree: Blacks are truly gorgeous, more so this one girl…’ his mellow voice trailed off, as he stared, grinning.

‘Yes, Bellatrix turns heads everywhere she goes,’ Andromeda said with a half-fond smile. Her sister was mad but still, she was family.

‘Actually, I was thinking of another Miss Black,’ Hufflepuff boy was amused and mischievous at once.

‘Ah, Narcissa will be a real vision soon enough,’ the wizard promptly burst into laughter, and she gaped at him indignantly, irritation growing with every second.

‘Indeed, but again I meant a different sister.’

Somehow, this flirty comment prompted her to burst into tears, as she thought of Mirach, hidden away in their house. Andromeda cried, desperately trying to stifle the sobs. It proved to be extremely difficult when the lanky boy hugged her whispering sweet words in her ear.

‘You have house-elves, do you?’ Ted asked when Andromeda calmed down and told him of Mirach.

She nodded absentmindedly, not comprehending the line of questioning.

‘The kitchens are near our common room, and we often spend time with the elves,’ Ted said eyeing her somehow nervously. ‘And aren’t they fascinating creatures? Loyal and so very capable.’

Up became down as an idea flourished in her mind and Andromeda jumped to her feet, kissed the cheek of the wonderful boy in front and took off, missing his dazed expression and a wide smile.

‘Soup is bo-ring,’ sang Nymphadora from the living room, where she methodically coloured the moving and actively protesting pictures of yesterday’s Prophet, ‘cake is not!’

Andromeda was distractedly going through the routine house tasks, her mind once again on the youngest Black.

Indeed asking Hiccup made correspondence ridiculously easy. The elf was the most loyal to Mirach and above all was eager to dote on her every whim even if it went against their parents’ wishes. The handwriting of her little sister was atrocious and nearly unreadable, but still, Andromeda treasured each and every letter. Mirach wrote long stories of attempts to skip tutoring sessions in domestic arts and hide in the library, of getting caught and punished. When Andromeda asked to elaborate on the punishment, Mirach simply replied that it included being locked in the attic.

Hiccup though always had ready detailed and miserable reports of each scolding and starving session. Every visit he took cauldron cakes and treacle tarts, which Andromeda managed to get from the kitchens. Ted was kind enough to show her the entrance asking if he could see her whenever she came by. After a short while, Andromeda started wrapping whole meals whenever Hiccup talked about the attic.

It was mentioned at least every two weeks.

‘Will you go to Hogsmeade with me?’

Andromeda was expecting his question. They have been spending time together in the kitchens for at least an hour almost every day. Ted asked her out at the beginning of her sixth year, once she was finally free of Bella’s attention. Nevertheless, she was betrothed to a man way older than her and even before that as a Black could not be allowed to have had any involvement with anyone not approved by the family. Muggle-born Ted Tonks despite all his brilliance and kindness would have never been considered even a wizard by the Blacks.

‘I am going to be a healer,’ Ted told her before the Easter holidays. They sat at the same table as usually, close but not touching. It was three months until his graduation. ‘I will take care of you.’

‘I love you,’ he confessed at the beginning of June. The kiss was just like she dreamed.

‘I’m not in lo-ve,’ was singing little Nymphadora when Andromeda came to the living room. ‘Do-n’t forget it.’ The girl was busy creating a pillow fort. Content and anxious at the same time she joined in and watched her daughter play carelessly.

In July Bellatrix’s wedding took place. Mirach did not leave Andromeda’s side for a moment. She was beautiful in pale pink dress robes but seemed terrified of Bella.

‘Will you get these for me?’ tiny girl slowly asked when the guests were busy congratulating the newlyweds, as she discreetly passed a folded note. Bellatrix chose that moment to glare at her youngest sister with such hatred Andromeda instantly grew both defensive and scared.

The note held a list of ingredients for a potion she had never seen before.

The seventh year at Hogwarts had Andromeda torn between Ted, Mirach and responsibility to the family. It was the most stressful time in her life, with mother constantly on her case with the marriage preparation, Mirach growing more and more defiant and being punished frequently, and Ted being sweet Ted, whom she was smitten with. By April Andromeda had developed sleeping problems and lost weight, but was still undecided.

During that Easter, she spent as much time with Mirach as she could, whenever mother left her alone. Narcissa was visiting with a friend, and Bella only ever came to talk to father anymore.

‘I’ve got what you asked, Miri,’ Andromeda said as she hugged the girl goodbye before going back to school. ‘It’s with Hicky,’ they both could not hold back tears. ‘I will see you soon.’

She wouldn’t. In June Ted came to the graduation and she left the family for him.

‘Rebel, rebel,’ sang Nymphadora hanging from the side of the wardrobe, because the floor was lava. ‘Hot tramp, I love you so!’

As she sat on the sofa, with her feet tucked under and not touching the lava, Andromeda mused she ought to talk to Ted and Sirius about what kind of songs they listened with her daughter.

There was no music at Callowswyle Place. The sisters grew up surrounded by the books on the Dark Arts, deadly artefacts and the strictest of rules on upholding family traditions. The corporal punishment and cursing were normal practice in taming Bellatrix and later Mirach from a young age; the affection did not go further dry praise and a fleeting glance. As Andromeda grew older the house became darker and more suffocating or, perhaps, as a child with vivid imagination she had never noticed it before. Her heart ached from the mere thought of Mirach being there alone.

Hiccup or any other elf did not reply to summons anymore. The guilt almost ate her alive despite all the happiness she felt with Ted. In fact, it nearly cost her and Nymphadora’s lives.

‘Well, well,’ Bellatrix drawled frowning down disdainfully. They stood at the entrance to Knockturn Alley, where Andromeda rushed to catch her sister.

‘Filthy scum of a blood-traitor,’ black-haired witch sneered unattractively and stalked away.

‘Bella, please,’ Andromeda followed. ‘I just wish to know if Mirach is alright.’

That made Bellatrix stop abruptly and when she turned around her eyes were bright and manic. Growing nervous and frightened, still, Andromeda waited clutching the wand in the sleeve of her robes.

‘Oh, you just might see firsthand.’

Her mind went pleasantly blank, a lovely voice giving straightforward directions to follow. They apparated together and she was locked away in a cellar without any food or drink for long hours. It could have been days until an elf appeared and whisked her to a grand ballroom full of guests. She immediately spotted Bellatrix grinning wildly beside her handsome but unpleasant husband; Narcissa dressed beautifully and absolutely horrified next to Malfoy; Cygnus and Druella observing her as if a stranger in the street; young terrified Regulus, and a dazed-looking Mirach.

‘Crucio,’ Bellatrix cast.

She screamed for what seemed like an eternity, voice getting thinner until she heard it divide as if there were two Andromedas being tortured on the floor in front of all of her family. The unbearable pain ceased abruptly, and Hiccup was taking her home to Ted before disappearing right away.

‘Momma!’ called Nymphadora from her seat at the kitchen table. She loved watching how Andromeda cooked. ‘A letter.’

Indeed, a Hogwarts owl perched on the windowsill.

_Dear Cousin Dromeda,_

_I may or may not have found among my possessions one silver girdle you have lost some time ago. Do tell if you desire it back as James already liked it for himself. Meet at the place where Rose is most fragrant._

_Also, consider contacting our favourite family though it might lead to unnecessary competition._

_Yours,_

_Sirius_

Her heart stuttered painfully as she thought frantically of a reply. When stew started to boil over she waved her wand absentmindedly and the wooden spoon jumped to steering. Summoning parchment and quill, Andromeda sat at the table wringing hands, while Nymphadora kept asking curiously what she would write.

A few minutes later another owl came bearing a brief note from Alphard.

Andromeda stood up and paced along the kitchen counter.

‘Momma, you gotta reply,’ said Nymphadora as she knocked over the ink bottle. Andromeda cast the spell to rid of the mess and sat down again.

_Dear Sirius,_

_You are about as subtle as a lion among snakes. Our favourite already wrote saying there was a massive search planned this afternoon. Meet at the rose garden as soon as you can and we will plan our escape. Better come glamoured._

_Yours,_

_Dromeda_

‘Nymphy, I have to go somewhere,’ she said picking up her daughter. ‘Will you be a good girl and behave yourself with Aunty Molly?’

‘If you don’t call me Nymphy,’ the little girl said seriously as they flooed to the Burrow. ‘I wanna be Sir Robin.’

‘Sure thing, my sweet,’ she said setting the child on the sofa. ‘I will just ask your father first.’

‘Andromeda? Nymphadora?’ Molly burst into the room holding a baby, Will and Charlie following hand in hand.

‘I’m now called Sir Robin,’ proudly proclaimed little witch to the boys and they ran off to the garden.

Andromeda apologized in between cooing at baby Percy and once Molly assured her, ‘It was no trouble at all,’ hastily left. At home, she wrote a quick letter to Ted, took burnt lunch off the stove, glamoured herself and apparated to Hogsmeade.

Waiting next to the entrance of the Three Broomsticks and trying to appear inconspicuous ended up being easier than she expected. The hour was nearing 3 o’clock, and the streets were empty if not for patrolling aurors she noticed further down the street. Nevertheless, her stomach was in knots from anxiety. Andromeda could not stop fearing Mirach’s reaction to seeing her face after she left the house without a word.

_After she left Mirach behind._

‘We really ought to be at the History of Magic now,’ came a guilty sounding mumble from somewhere to her right. A cloak of invisibility parted and her tall cousin stepped forward immediately hugging her.

‘Sirius!’ someone invisible hissed angrily.

‘How did you know it was me?’ Andromeda watched his two friends appearing from under the cloak as well.

One of them had windblown hair even as he wore impeccable robes. By Sirius’s frequent stories, it must have been James Potter. Hazel eyes scrutinized her suspiciously from behind the lenses of square glasses. The other friend was most probably Remus Lupin considering his height, sandy-blond hair and pallid complexion. He gave her a timid smile patting the rat that sat on his shoulder.

‘You are the only witch around here currently wearing such extravagant slippers while wringing her hands in worry,’ Sirius answered with a smirk scanning their surroundings. The streets appeared to be completely empty.

Andromeda looked at her feet mortified. She transfigured the pink fluffy slippers into a pair of black shoes.

‘We have to go: the search has not started yet, but I already saw aurors rounding the place.’

The boys exchanged glances and Sirius spoke in a tone instantly wary.

‘What was the song Nymphy liked so much last time I came around, she wouldn’t shut up about it?’

Proud, Andromeda smirked and messed his hair.

‘Space Peculiarity, or some such by David Bowel.’

Sirius let out a loud guffaw promptly shushed by the bespectacled teen.

‘Oddity, ‘Dromeda, and it’s Bowie,’ he grinned shaking his head.

‘Padfoot, we ought to move,’ Potter kept glancing around, cloak tightly clutched in his fists.

‘Right.’

The plan was to have Andromeda and Sirius stroll casually to the fences surrounding the Shrieking Shack, with two teens following them under the cloak. It proved to be an easy fit as well for not one person was in sight. For that very reason, her stomach cramped painfully.

 _It was too easy_! She gnawed at the insides of her cheeks worriedly, making an enormous effort to squash paranoia and desire to glance around every step of the way.

When they were just two blocks away from the tilted house, there was a yelp to the left and someone swore in a gruff voice. Her heart dropped as Sirius drew his wand turning swiftly.

‘Padfoot, keep going, we’ll hold them up,’ murmured one of the invisible boys.

As Sirius dragged her forward she glanced over the shoulder briefly. Two wands were floating in the air, and then the road was covered in sticky and foul-smelling black liquid. Two sets of boot prints tried to follow but got stuck immediately. Andromeda heard swearing again and a loud bang a moment later. They were immediately running as she cast disillusionment charm hastily.

Sirius did not take her to the gates of the Shrieking Shack. Instead, he brought them around until they reached a blackcurrant shrub. The fence glowed briefly and they were on the grounds. Once they got inside the house, Andromeda cancelled the charms and gaped around in mild alarm. The place was trashed as if a furious bear was throwing itself at the walls repeatedly.

The front door opened and closed quickly, and two teens became visible grinning ear to ear. Sirius clapped hands and laughed boisterously, his friends joining in. The rat also squeaked happily. She tuned out their bragging on escaping from the authorities and went through the first door she spied. Space which once was a sitting room did not look any better than the hall. Andromeda cast homenum revelio and followed the spell through the house.

Atop of dusty bed in the middle of a half-decent room lay Mirach. Andromeda rushed forward but once she reached her side stopped uncertainly taking in the pale and gaunt features of the sleeping girl and the grey curls plastered over the sweaty forehead. Panic and guilt became almost unbearable, and she would have backed away if her feet did not turn to stone. Thus, Andromeda just stood there breathing shallowly and feeling nauseous as the world span around.

The boys barged into the room. She didn't pay their antics any heed, scrutinizing her sister’s face. Mirach’s lashes flattered and lovely dark blue eyes opened and stared back at Andromeda.

All breath left her under that piercing gaze. She gulped for air when Mirach focused on the boys standing around.

Sirius grinned in a positively dog-like manner, the blond teen blushed and smiled shyly, and the mousy-haired short boy she has not seen before stepped uneasily from leg to leg. When Mirach glanced at the bespectacled wizard he seemed to have had no control over his fidgeting hand that could not stop messing already untidy hair.

‘What is happening?’ Mirach spoke voice raspy and words slurred.

The witch clumsily sat up observing her.

‘Andromeda?’

The question was so timid as if the girl was uncertain about what she saw. It made the pain flare in Andromeda’s chest and she could not help but reach out.

‘Miri...’

As her hand made tentative contact with Mirach’s soft cheek, the thin witch flinched as if burnt. Andromeda took a step away, guilt consuming all her being.

‘Are you really here?’ she heard Mirach slurring through the haze of self-deprecating thoughts of rejection. The girl was reaching out somewhat weakly and hesitantly.

Andromeda made a step forward, hope and relief blooming sheepishly inside, then another, and next she knew Mirach was in her tight embrace. The return gesture was frail, but to her, it made all the difference in the world.

Andromeda pushed away gently to stare in Mirach’s face, breathing deeply in an attempt to stave off tears. She could not stop herself from fussing and trying to caress her sister everywhere at once.

_She was so fragile._

Guilty thoughts of what she deserted Mirach to filled her anew and Andromeda fought hard to ignore them.

‘I am really here.’

Mirach shivered violently.

‘Are you cold? Hungry? Hurt anywhere?’ the questions tumbled from her mouth in quick succession.

Mirach shifted slightly in her embrace.

‘You look serious.’

The words startled Andromeda from the quest of neatly organizing the things she wanted to take back to Hogwarts for the next term. She did not know yet she would meet Ted Tonks in the library in a few months.

‘You look like Bellatrix when you are serious,’ seven-year-old Mirach said slurring the words. Speech and movement difficulties were the most obvious consequences of Bella’s training.

‘Then I shall always be silly,’ Andromeda replied the same way as all those years ago sticking the tongue out.

Mirach bubbled with laughter and hugged her.

‘You really are here,’ the girl whispered smiling happily. Andromeda only tightened her embrace.

Sirius cleared his throat.

‘Dear cousins, the reunion celebration will have to be postponed as you are now wanted women, not that you weren’t before,’ he drawled suggestively.

Andromeda rolled her eyes untangling limbs from Mirach and once again watched smaller witch closely. Her heart beat fast and painfully strong, nerves starting to fray.

‘Will you come home with me?’

Mirach slowly blinked completely flabbergasted.

‘Home?’ she asked after a while with shining eyes.

Andromeda nodded, feeling sweat breaking out at her hairline and along the spine.

‘My home,’ she swallowed thickly. ‘I will introduce you to my husband and daughter, she is three now.’

Mirach silently gazed at her. After a few moments, she slowly nodded as first fat tears escaped her eyes.

Manic relief flooded her very bones. Still, she had to ask.

‘You must know there will be no going back afterwards, Miri. You will be disowned immediately.’

Mirach awkwardly shook her head as more tears fell.

‘I don’t want to go back,’ the witch slurred. ‘I would like to go with you.’

Andromeda smiled wanting to laugh and cry at the same time and wiped her sister’s cheeks. She could not help herself and hugged the girl again. The desire to bring Mirach to a safe place and take extra care of her for every lost day escalated until Andromeda could wait no more.

She guided her sister to stand.

‘Thank you,’ Mirach stressed each vowel of the words, beaming at the waiting boys in a most dazzling way. Andromeda smiled as well and after nodding at each of them gratefully met Sirius’s gaze. Cousin had the cheek to send her a wink.

Answering with one of her own, which made him guffaw uninhibitedly, she grasped Mirach’s hand and reached for the unauthorized emergency portkey hidden in her robes that whisked them away.

Mirach stumbled as Andromeda brought her to the front porch of the Greensleeves cottage. The wards trembled briefly and settled around them. A moment later, Ted opened the door, wand at the ready.

‘Dromeda!’ he shouted crushing her in an embrace until her bones protested. Still, she clung back in search of support. ‘Don’t ever leave like that again!’ His heart beat erratically under her ear, and an enormous, almost painful surge of tenderness and love for him overwhelmed her.

‘You must be little Mirach,’ Ted’s voice was gentle. He let go and went to hug the silver-haired witch. Mirach stood in his arms awkward and stiff at first, but as soon as Ted whispered, ‘Thank you for saving their lives,’ slowly reciprocated.

Soon enough they were in the living room, Ted chattering away nervously, Andromeda watching her sister closely, and Mirach studying everything around.

‘Miri,’ Andromeda summoned quill and parchment, ‘we ought to send a letter to the family.’

When Mirach just sat there quietly, Andromeda grew restless with nervous energy.

_Could she have changed her mind?_

‘Yes,’ the answer was startling and her heart burnt as it plummeted down.

Ted clapped hands, ‘Excellent!’ he turned to Andromeda who grew confused by his reaction. ‘How do we begin?’

_Begin?_

‘The letter?’ Ted asked uncertainly when no reply came. ‘Dromeda?’

Abruptly, she rose to her feet and with an excuse of getting tea stalked to the kitchen. Andromeda felt faint and nauseous and could not get enough air as it thickened around her. The pots and pans trembled inside the cupboard, cups and plates clinking-clanking from behind the closed doors of the pantry, while candles on the walls lit one by one.

_She could not even get a firm hold of her magic, how could she expect Mirach to want to be with them after she abandoned her in that house? Alphard is better suited for-_

‘Dromeda,’ strong arms surrounded her. The magic gradually settled. She focused on his smell and touch, on his breathing and finally on the stove, and teapot, and the window, and the trees dancing in the breeze in the back garden.

‘How could I think I fit to care for her?’ she swallowed a great lump in her throat. ‘After I left? Ted, I left, and look at her now!’

He turned her around and bowed slightly peering fiercely into her eyes. He was absolutely breathtaking at that moment.

‘In our living room sits your young sister, who needs you,’ his tone was kind but strict. ‘We will go there, write that letter to your family and become her guardians. Your uncle will help if needed but you are her sister and you will take good care of her.’

All she had left was nod and follow him with tea. Nerves calmed she even participated in Ted’s babbling about the house, the apple trees, and Nymphadora. Mirach listened with rapt attention, staring at the two of them. It made Ted very conscious and he spouted story after story about Nymphy’s clumsiness. Andromeda has finally relaxed enough to get amused by her husband’s agitation.

The reply came a few minutes after they sent the owl. She immediately recognized family signature malediction on the letter which made the victim experience excruciatingly painful tooth loss. The urge to leave the room nearly overwhelmed her. Andromeda grabbed Ted’s hands to halt him. She could barely move or speak anymore. Mirach grew pale, eyes glazing over, and slowly reached for the letter, while the two of them watched in trance.

_It was a strong compulsion curse. What could she do? They had to do something!_

Her panic only strengthened the foul magic. Mirach touched the parchment. They looked on chilled to the bone, how her mouth filled with blood and she started spitting out teeth one by one into her palm.

‘Miri,’ it was all she could whisper, with the curse still keeping strong. Her sister winced in pain but did not appear to be in agony as their father promised.

_Why would he lie?_

As soon as the invisible constraints fell away, Ted rushed to Mirach’s side. Andromeda couldn’t stop fussing as well, needing to touch the fragile girl to assure herself that she was in no danger.

The curse was gruesome but clean. After well over an hour, Ted managed to grow all of her teeth back. He also subtly cast a series of stinging hexes on the legs and arms when the witch was busy reading the three-word letter and listening to Andromeda’s ramblings. Mirach did not react to any of them. In fact, she did not appear to be bothered by what happened at all, as she continued to gaze at her, occasionally humming.

Andromeda caught Ted’s eyes and nodded. She didn’t quite understand what he was trying to achieve, but trusted his actions.

‘Mirach,’ the witch turned to him. ‘As I’ve said before, I’m a healer,’ she cocked her head to the right. ‘Would you mind if I did a check up on you?’

She watched him for a moment and shook her head.

As Ted raised his wand, Nymphadora produced a loud crash upstairs. He signed, apologized and darted up. The wizard came back carrying a pink-haired three-year-old princess style.

Once they sat on the couch Nymphadora scooted over to Mirach and flapped on her lap.

‘I’m Sir Robin,’ the little girl exclaimed bouncing excitedly, hair curling and turning grey. ‘You are?’

‘I am Mirach,’ silver-haired witch lifted her hand slowly and touched Nymphadora’s new hairstyle with an absentminded smile. ‘You must be brave then.’

‘You know Monty!?’

The child grew even more animated as she babbled about her favourite film without a pause. Andromeda and Ted exchanged glances. Mirach seemed confused for a moment until her face went blank.

‘Who’s your favourite? I like Sir Robin, he’s so funny!’ Nymphadora was peering up expectantly.

‘The Frenchman?’ she replied uncertainly going to touch her forehead.

‘Oh, Sirius likes him, too! And daddy!’ the child bounced in Ted’s lap. ‘Doncha, daddy?’

Ted nodded bewildered. Andromeda cleared her throat.

‘Miri, how would you know of muggle film?’

Her sister had a startled look about her. She opened and closed her mouth several times.

‘I don’t?’ again she replied in a question, frowning. Nymphadora chose that moment to overturn the tea tray with her foot. Ted yelped and jumped away from the table taking his daughter with him. Standing there he gaped and Andromeda felt her own eyebrows lift so high her temples hurt. The tea tray floated, suspended in the tense air, not a drop spilling out.

‘Those are some reflexes,’ Ted laughed sitting down with Nymphadora, as the tray set itself on the table.

‘What’s flexes, daddy?’ the innocent question made them all smile.

‘Reflex. It’s a fast movement, for example, to catch something,’ he explained cuddling his daughter. She frowned adorably but nodded.

Mirach relaxed the fingers of the right hand and Andromeda followed the movement before meeting her eyes. The girl blushed and shifted in her seat but gave a small smile, which she returned at once.  _Was it a wandless spell? A wand, concealed in the sleeve?_

All the while, Nymphadora twittered away about all the games they were going to play while Mirach lived with them, films there were to see (mostly consisting of the Holy Grail and also, surprisingly, the Holy Grail), and records to hear.

‘Nymphy,’ Andromeda ignored girl’s exclamation, ‘Sir Robin!’ and a pout that followed, ‘Mirach might want to go to Hogwarts.’

After several moments of silence from the silver-haired witch, Nymphadora whispered loudly to Ted, ‘I think she dun wanna.’ He gave an ill-timed snort and coughed to hide it.

Andromeda ignored her husband and tentatively reached for Mirach’s hands. They were small, velvety and ice cold. She rubbed them gently between her palms.

‘I corresponded with Sirius since when you were supposed to go, and you didn’t,’ she finished awkwardly glancing at Ted for support.

‘Now that you are in our care,’ he continued in a soothing tone when Mirach sat there overwhelmed, ‘we can discuss your further education.’

For the first time in years, her sister became unrestrainedly animated. Doubt, fright, panic on her face switched to the expressions of wonder, wistfulness and tentative hope. It all collapsed into resigned fatigue after a heartbeat.

‘They will find me there.’

The following silence was oppressive and Andromeda could not stand a second of it.

‘I will not lie, Mirach,’ she squeezed her sister’s hands, ‘even when we are renounced the family never truly lets us go.’

‘But Dumbledore will protect you,’ finished Ted in an overconfident tone. Andromeda shot him an irritated glance.

Mirach’s face was frozen in a mask of apprehension, but her eyes burned like the bluest sapphires.  _They were enthralling._  She slowly nodded.

Nymphadora who was counting snifflers on Ted’s robes chose that moment to say she was hungry, and the family relocated to the kitchen table. Mirach sat next to her restless pink-and-grey-haired niece nodding and grinning widely. Andromeda thought smiles flattered her, as she and Ted whipped some express meal with the help of magic.

After dinner Mirach was hoarded towards TV by Nymphadora where they stayed until Andromeda collected her actively protesting daughter for bed. Three stories later and a promise of no strawberries for breakfast she came back to Ted casting diagnostic spells on Mirach. She did not know much of healing but was certain the red glow meant nothing good.

‘I might put you in danger,’ Mirach spoke solemnly not paying attention to Ted’s actions. ‘Perhaps, it is better for me to leave.’

‘Codswallop!’ Ted waved his free left hand, not stopping his casting. ‘House is unplottable.’

‘You are family,’ Andromeda spoke firmly, ‘and not going anywhere.’

Mirach’s lips trembled and she lowered her eyes.

‘I might be more trouble than it’s worth,’ she mumbled, but Andromeda heard and kneeled searching her face. The girl flushed pink and tried to hide again.

_She was worth all the trouble in the world!_

‘Is this about the potions?’ Andromeda asked harshly, anger flaring at the memories of Mirach’s uncoordinated movements and trembling hands at the breakfast table so many years ago.  _Just how many times did Bella curse her? She was only five for Merlin’s sake!_  The girl flinched and she hurried to amend her tone. ‘Because we will take care of it.’

Mirach went to say she will pay and Ted promptly shut her up. He asked if there was anything else she wanted to share with them. The extended silence and a long stare made it clear there was. Mirach slowly shook her head negative, choosing to conceal the truth. Andromeda hoped she would learn to trust them _._

_Let it be nothing dangerous._

Mirach’s face was once again closed off. Andromeda thought of their grandfather and the impenetrable facade nurtured by years of occlumency.  _Sister had a talent_. Mirach yawned, her slow hand only covering the mouth by the end of it.  _And a lot to learn._  Andromeda smiled fondly and insisted on rest. Unsurprisingly, Mirach didn’t argue.

‘Thank you,’ she said to Ted when they were leaving to get her settled.

‘Thank you,’ she said when Andromeda unshrank the trunk Mirach had stashed in the pocket of her robes.

‘Thank you,’ she said as they cuddled crying in the middle of the room.

‘You are welcome,’ replied Andromeda caressing her sister’s curls tenderly and kissing her forehead.

‘You are welcome,’ she repeated before leaving Mirach for the night.

‘You are welcome,’ she thought lying in Ted’s arm as he slept peacefully.

The guilt finally eased but did not let her go.


	4. Protection

4.

_The light, so blinding, beautiful and pure._

_Was I the source?_

_It could not be._

_What would I give to be accepted?_

_It sings so sweetly, yet, rejects my touch._

_I am at fault: the phoenix likes no darkness._

_Was it some cruel joke I must endure?_

 

**Tuesday, October 5, 1976, 12:19pm**

_The day was turning out rather good._

Sirius twirled the wand between his fingers watching the map. James cast the tickling charm and Snivellus with hair transfigured into hay, his big nose spilling corn all over the floor in the middle of a well-performed dance and a surprisingly in-tune lullaby (dilly, dilly) started laughing hysterically.

'Come on, Snivelly,' James taunted, 'you can do better than that.' And he sent a jelly-legs which promptly made Snape collapse on a dilly. His legs frantically danced in the air, giggles still strong. Sirius smirked at the pathetic show in front of him. Snivellus didn't last even ten minutes against James. He gave Snape's wand another twirl and tossed it down the corridor.

'Prongs, gotta go,' he folded the map sloppily and stashed it inside his robes. 'Snivellus, great fun as always.'

James looked at him with a pouting face.

'These few weeks you're like a fucking cherry you are,' complained his best friend of a tosser, 'off again.'

Sirius clapped his back and stalked off.  _Time waited for no one._

'Hey, mate!' James shouted in the empty hallway, his voice carrying on. 'Don't tell me you're ditching me for a wank!'

Sirius flipped him the bird as he walked away.

'Are you coming to History at least?'

He had to dodge a stinging hex James sent towards him.

'Skiving off!'

Prongs kept hexing him unsuccessfully until Sirius turned the corner guffawing all the way.

'Wanker!' his mate shouted. 'Oi, Snivellus, where are you going? You can't leave me as well!'

Sirius hurried off just as Snape started singing the Hogwarts Song at the top of his lungs.

_Bugger had a nice voice as well, maybe he and James should sing duo._

The thought was hilarious and he snickered to himself not paying any mind to a lone pair of Hufflepuff girls trying to catch his eye as he strode towards the staircase. A brief run-in with the Slytherin was just the excitement that boosted his energy levels. Sirius glanced around and took out James's cloak promptly disappearing under. Having checked the map, he unhurriedly made way towards the North Tower.

Divination was not a subject Sirius gave much thought, but it was an easy choice of OWL class and, fortunately, it paid off with a breezy Outstanding. He didn't even consider continuing it afterwards, and frankly, could care less about grim predictions of Peidus or his Ravenclaw protégé who provided entertainment every time she supposedly fell into trance during breakfast.

Two turns ahead laid the corridor that connected the castle to the tower. Sirius settled to wait and took the map out again.

Snivellus was nowhere near the Charms classrooms anymore. Instead, he moved haltingly towards the ground level. James was already at the Great Hall with Remus, undoubtedly stuffing his face and admiring profile of Evans while she sniffed at him.

His stomach growled loudly in an empty corridor. Absentmindedly, Sirius rubbed it looking for Pete. His mate was with Kellaway at the library most probably perving on the new librarian, which in his opinion was not worth a hearty meal. He sneered at Umbridge name pacing along one of the shelves some distance away from Wormtail.

'—funny anymore, you are not getting anything from me until you return every last penny,' an angry voice came from the left.

'What's a penny?' another voice asked in a bored tone.

'You take Muggle Studies, don't you?' the first sounded incredulous.

'So?'

There was no reply, but in a moment, frustrated Lennox Jordan appeared in the corridor and stalked forward.

'Ease up, mate,' Bagman smirked slyly, following his friend unhurriedly. 'You need to get some and it'll all get better.'

Jordan grew red in the face as he passed Sirius but did not slow down.

'Bugger off.'

Derisive laughter was getting on Sirius's nerves.

'What?' the blond teen mocked. 'Girly is keeping you blue?'

Jordan abruptly stopped at the end of the corridor, shoulders tense and head hung low. Bagman winced, mouthed 'fuck' and in few large steps reached him, clapping his shoulder companionably.

'She's probably on period or something,' his smile was rueful.

Jordan signed heavily.

'It's been two weeks now,' he grumbled, features distorted by a bitter twist of the mouth. 'Our talk this morning was awful.'

Bagman scratched his cheek.

'Could be the news as well. That muggle-born healer what's-her-face was a shocker.'

'Beth Ashwell,' Jordan now wore a full-on grimace of pain. 'My dad went to school with her. Was the top of the year.'

'Well, Wynne's father is also one of those,' the blond contemplated the ceiling.

'What do you mean  _one of those_?!' the dark-skinned wizard yelped incredulously. 'I'm also  _one of those_ , you arsehole!'

With fists tightly clenched, Jordan glowered but hasn't drawn the wand. Bagman did not care for his friend's outburst though and just waved appeasingly.

'You know I don't care for blood, Lenny.'

After a brief glaring contest, Lennox exhaled and shook his head tiredly.

'Call me Lenny again and I'll sic Black on you,' Jordan threatened without heat and the boys moved on. Sirius took this as his cue to intervene before they disappeared around the corner.

'Fellow Gryffindor lads!'

The loud exclamation had the desired effect, as both boys jumped and whirled around with wild eyes, Lennox's wand already clutched in his hand. Sirius smirked.

'It's time for a chat, Jordan.'

The wizard in question gulped audibly. Sirius blinked in confusion.

'I've got class now, Black,' he stepped from foot to foot. Bagman next to him stood straighter trying to appear taller.

'Peidus would not even notice you are not there,' Sirius noted Bagman's fingers twitching as he advanced. 'Maybe he'll make a prediction of your horrifying death.'

It took all his might not to burst into laughter right there and then. Their faces showed an absolutely comic terror. Sirius considered shouting 'Boo!' for a long moment as he tried to keep his face straight. A grin broke out though and the juniors visibly relaxed, Jordan smiling back shakily.

'Come along then,' Sirius pointed towards the door to the unused classroom near which he was invisibly loitering before.

Dejected, Jordan obeyed.

'See you later, Ludo.'

'What? I don't get to join?' Bagman seemed to find his voice.

'Another time mate,' Sirius stared the blond down until he shrugged in badly feigned boredom and stalked off.

Jordan chose a place few tables away from the door where he stood stiffly with his wand still out. When Sirius came in, locked and silenced the classroom, they were well separated by four rows of desks. _It didn't feel anything like a friendly meeting._ His good humour started to wane.

'Why so strung up, Lennox?' Sirius asked not moving from the spot at the door, keeping hands down and in open view, trying to placate nervous teen.

Jordan exhaled, letting out a laugh, which was more of a croak. He stashed the wand away and dragged fingers through the hair.

'I've got a lot going on,' the fifth-year replied apologetically. Sirius relaxed but decided not to approach, instead slouching against the door and watching the lad step from foot to foot.

He cleared his throat.  _Whatever was the issue?_

'So?'

There was a moment of silence when his impatience blossomed and almost resulted in some encouraging if not very polite words until finally, Jordan spoke.

'Same things really, Black,' the boy crossed his arms. 'She's being a proper student, goes to class, reads, writes the notes down, just…'

Sirius could not quite stop the tapping of his agitated foot.  _What was the deal with the dramatic pauses?_

'Just?' he prompted.

'She doesn't do any magic,' Jordan said observing him. 'I only realized yesterday afternoon in Charms.'

Sirius clenched his fist until the knuckles popped.  _After weeks of exhausting attempts to get something new about Mirach, and the great reveal was right under his nose all along?_

'And I think McGonagall noticed as well.'

_Well, fuck. His Head of the House would definitely take note of the slack in a practical part of the lesson. Mirach was in for a treat._

'But why would she slack?' Sirius wondered out loud, confused.

'Hell if I knew. She's weird.'

Jordan's bitter tone made him sharply snap back to the conversation.  _Mirach was weird? Well, Jordan was an absolute dickhead._

Sirius clenched his jaw to halt the snarl. After taking a few deep breaths, he managed to gain some composure. Jordan reacted to the rising tension and went into defence position again.

_Should've thought before opening his trap. Maybe, a curse to the ugly face could help?_

'What the fuck is your problem?' Sirius couldn't quite hold back a sneer as he pointed jerkily between them. 'I can find another fifth-year to help me look after my cousin.'

When Jordan unsuccessfully tried to speak several times, Sirius whirled to the door reaching for the wand to dismantle the spells.  _What a colossal waste of time. The tosser deserved to get his ass whipped._

'Is your family with You-Know-Who?' the words rushed out from Jordan's mouth in a gush of short breath.

_What family did he mean exactly?_

Sirius slowly turned around. However his expression looked, it made the dark-skinned boy clutch at the wand.

'What?'

Jordan panted and perspired but stood tall and brave in the face of what he perceived danger.  _A true Gryffindor._  Sirius was inappropriately overwhelmed by the ill-timed desire to cackle.

'Are you and her Deatheaters?'

Here he could not stop but guffaw. Jordan grew confused then outraged which only made Sirius laugh harder.

'Why?' he wheezed, 'why would you think so?'

His belly hurt from hunger and laughter but he kept at it for a full minute. Jordan was clearly hesitant about his judgment because he again looked like a confused and nervous boy rather than a wizard ready to duel for his life.

'Your cousin appeared in the Prophet the other day, you know,' Lennox elaborated not meeting Sirius's eyes. 'She was suspected to have been involved in the murder of the Grantleys.'

Padfoot threw his head back and eyed the cobwebs in the ceiling swaying gently in the air. _Of course, she was. Mother probably went bonkers that Bellatrix ended up in the paper with such unsavoury commentary._

'Bella is a well-known blood fanatic,' he thought the webs formed a lovely pattern in their mysterious dance. 'I wouldn't be surprised if she killed them.'

At Jordan's sharp intake of breath, Sirius focused his attention back on the boy.

'Whenever have you heard me harass anyone because of blood?' this was a rhetorical question. Jordan went to reply.

'Evans is a muggle-born.'

'And I've never sneered at her, have I?' Sirius asked, scandalized. 'Last year Snape called her the M-word. I and James stood up for her!'

Jordan had a guilty but determined look on his face.

'There are whispers that Mirach is prejudiced.'

Speechless, Sirius gaped at the smug-looking fifth-year.  _How he could have missed that?_

'And is she?' he managed to ask.

Lennox scratched his chin with the tip of the wand in an exaggerated move, contemplating the question.

'I don't know,' he shrugged in the end. Sirius bristled.  _Then why the fuck-?_  'She is always alone reading and she doesn't talk much. There is a rumour she hates her House and doesn't speak to anyone because she thinks they are all lesser than her.'

That was such a nasty thing to hear regarding Mirach. Since she's been at Hogwarts and during all times Sirius discreetly followed her under the cloak she was shy and only ever read and studied.  _So what if she was unsocial?_

'Right,' his temper raised another few notches, 'right.'

Sirius quickly cancelled the spells.

'Black,' Lennox said, 'I'm sorry about my tantrum.'

Padfoot glanced at him and waved dismissively before leaving.

'I'll keep looking after her,' Jordan called.

'Thanks,' he replied although his thoughts were already fully focused on Mirach.

He found her on the map easily enough hiding in the abandoned classroom few corridors away from where McClaggan liked to hold his Defence lessons. Sirius made sure no one was around, put on the cloak and went to the second floor.

The door was locked not a sound leaking outside. Sirius bounced on heels twirling the wand between his fingers. Mirach was brilliant at protective enchantments but tended to focus on blood. Sirius reckoned she would grow out of it once she read more appropriate books of the Hogwarts library. Her preferences at the moment, however, were to his advantage. Sirius pricked his finger and let the drop of blood touch the dark wood.

The door swung open, inside was quiet. He hurried through and towards the corner of the classroom trying not to make a sound. A sweet and unpleasant scent permeated the air. Mirach slowly looked up from the desk with wand half-raised in the right hand, expression annoyed. The witch didn't seem to notice his muted steps or was in any way surprised with the disruption. As abruptly as it opened, the door shut itself with an angry bang.

_Someone was a little upset today._

Sirius was restless slouching in the corner. He still hadn't caught Mirach practising magic alone and was eager for new information. Soon, his interest strayed. After several minutes she was yet to be successful in casting any spell. The stick rested listlessly in her palm, she didn't say any incantation and no magic was done.

Her practice confused him as he kept observing.  _Why would she not speak and see if it works then? Could she have been practising silent spells? She didn't make wand movements either._  Questions piled until he started contemplating showing himself.

Mirach screamed.

It was a painful sound that promptly turned his brain empty of thought. The girl threw the wand as far as she could which wasn't much as she couldn't move her arm fast enough or had enough strength. Her mouth twisted in a resentful sneer, eyes filled with frustrated tears, while the air around thickened like in the evening before the midnight storm.

The desks lifted and floated all around the classroom. Sirius was about to join them but he was quick to cast a sticking charm on his feet. Mirach stood in the midst of a hovering chaos right hand extended, palm open. She breathed deeply, curls sticking each and every way swaying like underwater. Her eyes could have been easily compared to bluebell flames. Sirius felt a tickle of fear raise the fine hairs of his arms. His animagus would have certainly been snarling in alarm.

The witch slightly spread her fingers and the desks flew and slammed into the walls with great force that had the hardwood splinter all around. Sirius was lucky to have missed any bit in his face but just like the tables, he was pushed roughly into the stone bricks which were fortunately close behind him. Still, he groaned in pain.

Mirach who was gazing around with a heart-broken expression heard the noise. She turned and scowled at the corner where he was, then slightly raised her right hand again. Sirius gripped the wand as his heart skipped a beat and another.

Nothing happened. Sirius exhaled softly. Mirach frowned, rubbing the forehead.

The fingers of her hand twitched and the wand came flying. Next spell must have been a reparo. The desks instantly fixed themselves, some so fast, they exploded. She sighed resignedly, put the stick down, and successfully repaired the rest of the wreckage. Once the order had been restored Mirach accioed the feather and the metal band, levitated them on the table in front of her and settled to continue the practice of what must have been a switching spell. Her demeanour was once again calm and collected.

Sirius, on the contrary, couldn't relax for a long while. His back hurt like a bitch, head pounded in rhythm with his erratic heartbeat. He was hungry and above all, he wanted to confront her there and then. What he had just witnessed was a magic tantrum worthy of those their grandfather Pollux was famous for. Add the wandless spells, Mirach obviously had the talent for, and it became a deadly combination. The chills run up and down his spine.

_Could she truly have been twisted as the rumours implied?_

He studied Mirach's persistent attempts to cast the spell over, and over, and over again. She hadn't stopped once for the next hour. _Anyone would have been frustrated if their wand didn't work properly. Mirach couldn't have been like most of his twisted family. James was wrong. The rumours were lies. She saved Andromeda. She escaped from her parents. She was sorted into Hufflepuff for Merlin's sake!_

Dumbledore made sure to promote his tolerant views not only by admitting her at an unprecedented age of fifteen but also by sorting the witch in front of the whole school. And how loudly Sirius laughed. A Black in Hufflepuff! Cousin got one over on him a few minutes after she stepped into the school. Mirach's face was so fabulously flabbergasted it immediately set him off. The badgers glared for a full week afterwards.

However fantastical the event seemed, the howler that came to her during lunch a few hours later was proof enough of the reality of the mad Hat's decision.

_You dare show your face at Hogwarts and besmirch the family name further by not joining a respectable house. Blood traitor! You have made your choice now, girl. And let me tell you, when you are found in the gutter among the filth you belong with no true Black will mourn you or seek retribution. You are no daughter of mine! Shall I ever see your face again I will not hesitate to do what I should have done years ago._

The letter blew up in front of her face, but the bits of paper froze for a second then two and as Mirach slowly lifted both hands off the table with her wand clutched in the left, what remained of the vile message floated up and exploded several times over, multiplying. Kids screamed. McGonagall was rising from the table only to be waved at by Dumbledore who observed Mirach curiously.

As soon as the charmed ceiling was completely obstructed by the cloud of multiplying paper, it parted in four places, each separate section changing colour and swarming towards one of the student tables. With a slight turn of the wand, followed by a startled laughter, Mirach had green and silver snake doing zigzag dance and winking above the Slytherin table; blue and bronze eagle making pirouettes while artfully spreading wings above the Ravenclaw; yellow and black badger rotating on its head and wiggling limbs above Hufflepuffs; and red and gold lion stretching the front and back paws and rolling over above Gryffindors. A moment later each mascot did a kulbit and rushed head first towards the middle of each table making the students yelp and scatter from their seats by exploding in a flurry of colourful paper that seemed to shrivel and disappear into the non-being.

A hush fell over the hall similar to the silence immediately after the howler, although its quality was much more cheerful. Sirius whooped which James copied immediately and the students roared, and applauded, and guffawed. Dumbledore rose from his seat and joined the applause. He waved his wand making the food vanish, soon the tables disappeared and finally, the benches were gone once everyone was standing. The view of the charmed ceiling was obstructed once again; this time by the dancing and flopping yellow daffodils and fluttering butterflies and soon the waltz of flowers played.

Many younger students of all houses formed pairs and started dancing. First years gazed open-mouthed at the daffodils pointing here and there. Sirius run to Mirach gathered the petite witch in his arms and twirled her around. She beamed in the most radiant way, and everything was so exhilarating he could have combusted.

Sirius shook his aching head dismissing all worries about her possible intolerance. Mirach was disowned by Blacks, openly threatened by her own father. There were no sinister plots. The chances of her following Bellatrix's path were slim. She was a diligent student, who had a problem with her new wand.

His lip curled just by thinking that the witch was denied her birthright for so long. Sirius reckoned late bonding affected the connection, as he watched her cast repeatedly.  _Cousin had a hell of determination and patience._

It was bizarre, how contradictory Mirach's magic behaved. She successfully performed advanced transfiguration in the Great Hall but could not do a simple switching spell. Weeks ago at Ollivander's, her first spell was a patronus but an hour ago the witch failed at reparo. Sirius let his pounding head fall into his palms flexing fingers and massaging the scalp to appease the pain. He was positive the problem had to do with the wand.

Ollivander brought it out after looking at them both for a moment: 'Ah, youngest miss Black!' Apparently, wandlore rendered any disguise redundant. Once in her left hand, the rowan wand produced the strongest reaction Sirius had ever witnessed. The air tensed with energy, a gust of wind scattered parchment helter-skelter, candles burned with flames foot high.

'Go on then, casting would strengthen the bond,' wizard said his pale blue eyes observing her with interest.

Mirach wore the most relieved and elated expression, which Sirius found unbearably sad.  _No one should be deprived of their magic!_  The witch nodded and gave the wand a little twitch. The tip spilt the whitest mist into the shop that illuminated every corner and dragged him out of the resentful mood.

They had to leave right away though. Glamoured Andromeda rushed them out after there were several explosions at the other end of the Diagon Alley. As they twisted on the spot at the front steps of Ollivander's, to the left Sirius glimpsed a woman with a familiar head of inky black curls who exited The Idle Stories. Sure enough, the next front page of The Prophet was devoted to the explosions and the murder of the muggle-born owner of that bookstore Michael Idle. The news also reported his half-blood assistant Natalie Holkham to have been admitted to the Janus Thickey Ward because she was driven insane.

Mirach had no connection to whatever Bella devoted her time to. She was with him the whole trip, while Andromeda purchased other missing supplies. She was also genuinely worried when they apparated. Cousin could not be a blood fanatic.

'Permuto,' Mirach said and the feather she was pointing the wand at exploded.

Sirius would have fallen if he wasn't already on the floor. Getting to his feet he reckoned that reaction was why she didn't speak the incantations.  _What a truly bizarre situation_. Sirius scratched his stubble dismissing the problem for the moment and cast tempus silently. It was 14:34 and high time for her Defence class. A few minutes later, however, Mirach was still practising transfiguration. Just as he prepared for another long hour, the witch summoned her bag and strolled out. Sirius sulked about not getting a word of goodbye, shook off the cloak and went to investigate her study station. The feather weighted at least 2 pounds and the metal band was lighter than his lunch today.

_Was she successful finally?_

Stomach growling, Sirius went to the kitchens, his mind not able to concentrate on anything but food. After gorging a hearty meal provided by the elves his throbbing head was still fuzzy, so he invisibly wandered the halls jelly-jinxing several snakes along the way, which contributed to already circulating whispers that a ghost had it out for Slytherins. Sirius cackled just thinking of it.

He tried to do some assignments but failed miserably as his thoughts kept looping around Mirach's tantrum, their trip to Diagon Alley, and the rumours which in his imagination grew more outrageous on each repeat. By dinner time the parchment in front of him was still blank. The smarting inside the skull only intensified, his throat was dry and rough as sandpaper.

The food tasted bland, the pumpkin juice – heavenly. He couldn't get enough. The Great Hall was filled with loud and annoying noises. James was yet to shut up about the high note he made Snivellus reach with the help of stinging hex. On the third encore of the story Evans was grinding teeth so hard, the tendons of her neck stiffened. With flushed cheeks, she silently got up and walked out. Remus sat pale and disapproving of both James's story and Sirius's skipping of History. Pete snickered to himself about something they definitely didn't want to know.

Somehow, he managed to survive, and once they were in the Marauder's corner of the Gryffindor tower Sirius collapsed in the chair, hands going to his pounding temples. Belly full of juice made him extremely uncomfortable. Yet, he was thirsty. His mates pestered him until Sirius snapped that 'Everything was bloody fine!' Such a response put James in the mood. Remus frowned but continued with his homework. Peter gaped but quickly settled for attentive worship-listening to James's nonsense that he liked to indulge in.

Sirius rolled the fag careful not to drop a pinch of tobacco on the floor while James watched with raised brows running mouth with some poppycock. He smoked greedily sucking the fumes in pleasure. Remus looked up frowning, exchanged confused glances with James who burst into laughter.

'What the fuck mate?'

A half an hour of humming noise later, Sirius was ready for a kip. Relaxing further into the chair he missed the glint in James's eyes that watched him attentively. He yelped from the sharp pain in the shin. Rubbing the sore spot, Sirius looked for the fag he dropped earlier. It wasn't on the table or under the chair. Slouching against the armrest on the floor he swallowed several times. His mouth was drier than McGonagall's humour.

Prongs flopped on the floor opposite of him with a constipated expression. Sirius saw double and closed the eyes lowering his tender head on the padded surface.

'I asked Mirach to join us,' Prongs exclaimed.

His brain was aching and slow but James could only talk of one thing so close to the full moon.

'You did not,' Sirius croaked and swallowed a few times. He cast aguamenti aiming in the mouth. Water spilt everywhere. Any sleep left him in a couple of groggy blinks.

'Buggering hell!' Remus frantically waved the wand getting rid of the spillage on his essay. The ink was completely smudged on half of the scroll. Scowling, Moony packed and stalked off.

'I'm talking to Remus now, mate,' James stared right at him.

From the corner of his eyes, Sirius saw a bright flash. He drew some smoke into his lungs.  _Why did he feel so buoyant?_

'You are a wanker, Prongs,' Sirius concentrated on the burning fag in his fingers rather than doubling image of his best mate and the funny floating sensation in the limbs. 'She cannot come, she is still unwell.'

James messed his hair sitting straighter.

'I had to... apologize. I was a real berk'.

'Ha!' he pointed a derisive finger. The fag was gone again. Sirius dropped on wobbly fours.

'You have to admit, Padfoot,' James joined in his crawling search party, 'she was damn annoying with that manner of hers… What the fuck are you doing?'

Sirius forgot the hunt and sent a curse which Prongs dodged, swiftly jumping to his feet. He ambled around mocking Mirach's style of walk.

'Did you see how she glides around the school?' James tittered, continuing with his one person runway show of a wanker. 'Evans got nothing on that!'

The red-haired witch left the room without a glance in their direction and while James stood dejected Sirius aimed and cast anteoculatia.

'Ah, shite! Padfoot, you are a twat!'

In a few seconds, James sported some quality antlers. Sirius guffawed from the floor.

'You finally got a real pair!' Peter's laughter was contagious and soon all Gryffindors in the common room were in an uproar. The fun reached new heights after Pete was jinxed to dance but promptly died out when Remus cancelled the spell.

James felt the antlers, moving his head frantically in an attempt to take a look. Sirius was wheezing on the floor, sides hurting.

'Fuck you, Padfoot, that was low,' Prongs pouted. 'And I already apologized to your cousin,' he flopped down next to him. Sirius couldn't catch a breath from laughing. 'She is a real twat though, you know.'

This time his stinging hex was faster than antlered James's reflexes. Sirius sniggered laying down on the blissfully cold stones.

'It's true!' Prongs threw his arms in the air. 'I asked her to come and she had the gall to pretend not to know what I was even talking about!'

'Why would she?' Remus asked bewildered. Frowning, Sirius rose on forearms. There Moony sat at the table with his neat homework as if he had never left at all. Something inside his skull gave a nasty throb and he collapsed back on the floor.

'Alright, so she didn't pretend or whatnot, she just...' James's voice was getting distant and fuzzy. 'I don't know, she looked confused and then put on this stupid blank face...' The floor was a quicksand that swallowed him whole.

Sirius sat up with a jolt. Smirking James was above him triumphantly holding the wand.

'Now, Paddy-Pads, you need to explain yourself.'

Sirius got up shakily. The walls were spinning around in time with throbbing in his temples.

'Nothing to explain,' he grumbled trying to move past his mate and get to bed.

'I don't think so,' James artfully manoeuvred them to the sofa. 'You are spying on her, so spill, what did you find out?'

The common room was empty but for the two of them. The clock chimed one in the morning. Sirius yawned stretching the limbs. The flashes behind him were annoying but didn't provoke more pain in his brain like earlier. His body was not floating anymore.

'I'm not spying,' his mouth was full of cotton. Sirius tried to spit it out. 'Looking after.'

He got up fully intending to go to the dorm. Regulus stood by the staircase.

'What?' he blinked and his brother was gone. James was still talking.

'--cloak, running off after every class. You've abandoned us, mate! And the map,' Prongs waved it around. 'How long were you going to keep it?'

Heart stuttering, Sirius couldn't shake off the vision as he watched James ramble.

'--romeda didn't ask you to spy on her every step, only to check on her from time to time-'

_What?_

'What?'

Acid filled his mouth and he doubled over, ready to be violently ill.

'Padfoot!' James was at his side immediately.

'How?' nausea passed as suddenly as it came. Sirius slowly straightened clutching at James's robes. 'How would you know what she asked?'

Prongs's mouth twitched, breathing stammered.

'I've read her letter to you,' he replied in a hoarse voice.

Pain flared in Sirius's skull. His chest constricted, a sharp throb shot through its middle. Face contorted in a disdainful grimace, he shoved his best mate and watched him trip on the stone and fall.

'What other letters did you read, James?' Sirius asked through clenched teeth. 'Did you read one from my brother?' he felt hot and cold at once. 'What did you think?'

Prongs stared up with wide eyes, glasses askew, his expression open and vulnerable like in the third year when they faced their boggart. Sirius sneered feeling a traitorous itch inside the nose. Not able to look at his friend anymore, he spun around and stormed off.

The candles flickered in the bathroom as he jerkily disrobed. The reflection was distorted, but Sirius had no intention to watch his disgusting self. The water was blissfully warm. The shower massaged his sore head. The ache in his chest smoldered like coal on unprotected skin. He pummelled the wall. The scream was stuck in his ribcage tearing him apart.

_'A waste of space,' mother called him._

His parents were uptight delusional bigots. His cousin was an openly murderous fanatic. So-called friends read his private correspondence. His foolish brother was a supremacist wanker. Sirius didn't care about anyone's opinion and gave no fucks about little Slytherin's idiotic thoughts. He did not feel relief when Regulus agreed to meet at the beginning of the semester. His eyes did not burn when Regulus smiled tentatively in greeting. He was not upset when Regulus stormed off. Sirius had no business with the Slytherin anymore.

Tears came and mixed with the water.

They gazed at each other closely for the first time in years.

'Have you made up your mind?' his brother's voice was hopeful and warm. Sirius basked in it.  _If only they could forget their parents and support each other._

'This nonsense again?' he waved a hand dismissively. 'I wanted to talk about Mirach.'

Regulus frosted over in a heartbeat and soon in front of him stood a familiar figure of a proper disdaining Slytherin prefect.

'You are here to talk about cousin,' he repeated slowly.

'Yeah,' Sirius was familiar with the mood swings. Mother used to flip like a coin.  _And he was the unreasonable one?_

'It took you several months to finally come to me,' his nostrils were flaring, 'and you want,' voice dropped to murmur, 'to  _talk about Mirach_?'

 _Of course, he didn't come here to discuss their hag of a mother or the sinister plots she filled Regulus's head with._  Sirius drew a breath to ground himself. He craved to talk to his brother without fighting for a change.

'First, I wasn't the only one doing the ignoring,' Sirius counted fingers in rising agitation. 'Second, Mirach most probably will come to school.'

'Third!' he exclaimed when Regulus opened his mouth. 'This idea is laughable. I am not going back!'

Sirius felt quite proud at rendering his articulate brother mute.  _Surely, he came to the same conclusion._ The temperature in the room dropped further.

'Our mother is attempting reconciliation, Sirius,' Regulus glowered at his poorly suppressed sniggers. 'You really hurt her.'

Sirius's eyes bulged in disbelief, sneer curled the lips.

'Mother is a heartless bitch,' he spat.

Regulus hissed, whipping out his wand.

'Gonna curse me now, brother?' Sirius was ready for the inevitable duel. It seemed his wish for a calm talk didn't come true this time as well. He signed heavily.  _At least there was always another day._

Sirius was in defence position as soon as Slytherins's hand moved. The door behind them opened with a bang. Regulus searched his face for a long moment dark eyes glowing, brows furrowed, jaw set.

'You are no brother to me.'

Sirius could have sworn he was hit with incarcerous. But he didn't collapse and still had control of all movement. The ropes squeezed around his chest so tight Sirius could not catch a breath. His throat closed chocking him, eyes burned as if about to melt. Distantly, he heard the pounding.

'Sirius!' James barged in with a shout after blasting the door off its hinges.

'Sod off!' he threw the soap bar at Prongs which struck him in the forehead. James cussed.

'I only read ONE letter, Padfoot,' he flapped arms around aggressively nearly slipping on the floor in agitation. 'One fucking letter because I was worried. I swear I touched no other.'

He breathed shallowly, clenching and unclenching the fists. His hair was an even bigger mess than after the Quiddich match. More so, James's expression was so earnest and fragile, Sirius could not look at it. He could not speak either.  _Why couldn't Regulus be like that?_

'Right,' he whispered sagging against the wall, 'right.'

James grinned messing his hair vigorously, dislodging the glasses in excitement. Sirius had seen the expression many times during the summer in response to each inevitable pardon fondly granted by Euphemia to her son.

'Will you bugger off though?' Sirius watched the patterns water created in its run down the stones. 'I'm starkers.'

Getting into bed after the pity fest was blissful. His head was light, mind empty for once. The covers and mattress were soft, pillows feathery.

'Hey Padfoot,' James mumbled, no doubt close to sleep himself, 'teach me that antler spell. Snivellus would never see it coming.'

The cat was sat at the door swishing its tail angrily. Sirius bared his teeth and hissed, and it grew frightened. Regret twisted in his gut and he went to console the animal, picking it up. The kitten purred loudly, seeking shelter in his arms, burrowing into his neck. Sirius settled back on the bed. An enormous acromantula spiralled down from the ceiling, its hirsute legs stretched menacingly towards him. Sirius startled awake.

The room was quiet and dark, but his mattress was full of strings, blankets suffocated him. Sirius padded to Prongs's nightstand, grabbed the map and settled on the floor leaning against his mate's bed frame. Regulus was in the Slytherin dorm. Sirius watched his unmoving nameplate until he was about to doze off. Checking the Hufflepuff dorms jolted him out of it at once. Heart racing, Sirius frantically searched for Mirach.

'James!' he shook his mate. 'I can't find her!'

Prongs sat up wincing from the wand light. Remus grumbled something in his sleep. Pete turned to another side.

'Where is she? Where is she?' Sirius was breathing shallowly scanning every corner of the map.  _How could he have lost her as well?_

James squeezed his shoulder and joined the search.

'We have to go to Dumbledore!' Sirius scrambled up and paced.  _He wasn't going to fail anymore._  His scalp hurt from all the tearing he's done to his hair. 'We have to--'

'There!' James shouted pointing at the map. Sirius flopped down unceremoniously.

Mirach was by the Quidditch Pitch.

'We have to go!' he snatched his wand, grabbed the broomstick and turned to flabbergasted James. 'Let's go!'

Bespectacled teen lifted his shoulders, face unsure, and blinked slowly. Sirius snarled and stalked off to the windows.

'Wait, Padfoot!'

They raced all the way down in a blink. The filly was taking a nap peacefully in the tall grass. Sirius laughed softly sweeping the windblown hair away from his eyes as relief poured in the bloodstream cancelling out the adrenaline. Prongs made an irritated noise and dramatically threw hands into the air. Sirius transformed. His headache was instantly gone, lights didn't flash in the periphery anymore. Senses sharpened, but he had no desire to sniff around. He was exhausted.

'Wha-?'

Padfoot growled for his mate to shut up and curled next to Mirach. James signed, looked skyward and messed his hair.

'I'm not sleeping as Prongs!' he whisper-exclaimed. Padfoot twitched his ears already drifting off.

With a long-suffering sigh, James settled on the other side of the filly.

Sirius came awake gradually to the unpleasant feeling of his toasty neck cooling down. He blinked and everything sharpened in the darkness around. Silver filly stood above James, its muzzle almost touching his sleeping face. Padfoot changed and approached. Mirach blew a gentle breath and transformed stumbling forward. Sirius caught her by the slender arm.

'Just like Harry, isn't he?' she mumbled still looking at Prongs.

'Who?' The question startled her badly. Mirach turned to him blinking rapidly, face - a mask of uncertainty. She rubbed her forehead with a slightly trembling hand.

'Someone I knew once, I think,' she whispered hiding her face. He was burning to ask more questions, but couldn't bring himself to upset the girl further.

Sirius looked Mirach over, filing away the messy silver ringlets, which defied any glamour or dye, shining in the moonlight; her slight form though not as gaunt as a month ago; her pretty big eyes with dark circles around them. The need to protect pulsed in time with his pounding heart.  _But how was he to make sure she was true?_

'Why are you not in the dorm?' he asked holding back the urge to brush the curls away from her cheeks.

'Couldn't sleep,' she had to crane her neck to look up at him. 'You?'

'Same.'

_How was he to ask?_

'How did you find me?' she murmured, breaking their staring contest.

'I looked.'

Mirach hummed and drew a huge breath lashes flattering. She was so small and fragile.

'The air is fresh out here,' she said looking at the lightening sky.

It was his turn to hum.

_What was he to ask?_

_Do you believe in blood purity? Are you like Bella? Do you worship Voldemort?_

'Are you happy here?' was the question that burst through. 'Are you happy among Hufflepuffs?'

Sirius felt sick after this cowardice attack but couldn't make himself hurl accusations at her. Mirach's gaze was piercing, dark eyes glistering.

'My house values effort above anything else,' she replied carefully to the unasked questions, playing by his rules. Sirius let out an involuntary chuckle.

'You are such a Slytherin though, cousin,' he breathed out, fondly smiling. Mirach raised her eyebrow.

'So are you,' she smirked at his scowl and went to caress his cheek. The hand was trembling, which caught her attention. Face going blank, Mirach dropped the limb. It flopped listlessly to her side. Sirius frowned and bit his tongue to stop the million worried questions.

'I ought to go,' she started off slowly towards the castle. Sirius rubbed his neck in frustration.  _How was he supposed to look after her if she didn't let him?_

'Mirach,' he reached the witch in three large steps and clasped her cold slim wrists. 'You can always talk to me, yeah?' He managed to startle her again. Surprise broke through the bland mask.

'Yeah,' she replied and tried to pull away.  _No, it wouldn't do. He wasn't going to simply let go anymore._

'I mean I'm looking out for you,' Sirius strengthened his hold, needing her to understand what he didn't say,  _couldn't say_  out loud yet.

'Yeah,' the witch repeated with a gentle smile squeezing his hands slightly. Sirius let go and watched her amble to the castle. The brightening sky tinted the silver hair violet. He was going to make sure Mirach didn't stray like his idiot brother. The resolve to make everything right for once burned inside him like flames.

Sirius yawned and kicked James's shin. Prongs jolted awake with an indignant yelp. Sirius stretched as the first rays of sunrise warmed his upturned face. Ahead lay a new day and he's got a witch to protect.


	5. Monster

5.

_My mind plays tricks._

_What is the truth?_

_Who was he? Who was she?_

_The wand tip glows and makes us see_

_The fantasy so real and bizarre._

_I'm certain I have lost it in that sitting room long time ago._

 

**Monday, November 8, 1976, 5:03am**

Chalky curtains around his cot and a dark rectangle of the high ceiling above triggered a lucid fantasy of looking out from a grave into the void. The white fabric swayed gently in the breeze, faces danced on its surface. Remus studied their features, tracing them with fingertips just as he had done countless early mornings before.

As a child, Remus had the most vivid imagination. The walls came to life and told him stories in the twilight. Closets opened, and red eyes stared from deep within. The ceiling was a field where all kind of creatures run and played. And under the bed hid a monster, who always tried to steal his covers: the only shield that could have defended him. Mother retold fascinating tales of mermaids who strived to become part of man's world; of witches that cursed to sleep and turned into dragons; of wolves that were so intelligent they could pretend to be human. The evil in her lullabies was always exposed and punished according to its crimes. The beasts were hiding in the dark because they could not come into the light.

The moon shone hauntingly bright on the night the monster finally crawled from under the bed. Its teeth and sharp claws were not scarier than Remus dreamed, and, ever the tactile child, he lifted hands to follow their contours. The bite was agony. Remus screamed, terrified out of his mind, more so, feeling an endless betrayal by the stories that promised no evil to ever reach him in the light.

Soon, he was the real monster. And just as his attacker, he was free to venture outside of shadows.

The fantasies developed cracks which only grew with every move their family had to endure until finally, everything shattered. One routinized early morning a day after the moon he woke up bruised and mauled, with blood still fresh on his tongue that made him sick all over the pyjamas. The bandages were soaking, pain was unimaginable. His parents panicked and fought and screamed with him. Crimson rivers flowed from lacerations on his chest and arms. Delirious, he begged for relief, implored mom to take the pain away, plead with dad to help him. It was the first of the most ferocious transformations Remus survived. Many more were to come

As the Lupins relocated yet again, their small village was devastated by the news of a child he used to play with dying in excruciating pain from hydrophobia. The cause was but a scratch on the wrist.

The unthinkable was rationally assumed.

For weeks father spoke of nothing. Mother cried every moment she was awake. After they shut Remus in the dark cellar instead of a cage and, for the first time, chained him to the wall farthest from the door, he finally felt like a true monster dwelling in the shadows where it belonged. The realisation was both an excruciating torture and a comforting revelation for his ten-year-old mind.

Gloom before the dawn became the favourite hour to contemplate the void as he followed with the sharpened vision the patterns of images his mind drew on the canvas of stripped walls and pale curtains. The only early mornings he ever missed were after the transformations, which with every month, as his body developed, turned nastier and occasionally more feral. At twelve Remus accepted them as fair payment for being able to study at Hogwarts and, surprisingly, making friends.

The last two moons were the most agonizing he yet experienced despite the support of his mates in forms of friendly animals. Nevertheless, Remus welcomed the pain. It was well deserved in the wake of his blossoming fascination with an innocent human girl from a respectable family. Admittedly, Mirach could not compare to the prettiest of Blacks, but the witch showed a promise to grow into a natural beauty well worth her pedigree.

To Remus, however, the most value had her immediate acceptance of the monster he was. More often he found the thoughtless twilights to be filled with repeating memories of the stumbling jest of a proposal, of the heather scent that lingered on the soft skin of frail shoulder, and of her sleeping figure in bed where he lay so many pre-transformation evenings. This development was unacceptable. So Remus behaved in a manner he long mastered: avoided the witch. It was not difficult as well. Mirach joined the fifth-years in a different house, spent little in the Great Hall and mostly stuck to a secluded nook in the library. Still, whenever James interrogated Sirius about the girl, out of control his ears perked, attention sharpened and heart pumped faster. She was glowing every time Remus caught himself watching the witch, waiting for the sunny smiles.  _How he wished to be the sole spectator of them._   _How he wished to forget ever meeting her._

The entrance door clicked shut, sound unsettling in the eerie darkness. Faint footsteps followed, accompanied by the rustle of fabric. Remus startled at the noise, pulse stuttering and quickening. He always made sure to leave the Hospital Wing before breakfast to avoid curious stares, and not once yet anyone was in early need of a nurse.  _Could the time have skipped again while he was pitifully daydreaming about what he shouldn't have?_  The wand rested on the side table behind the curtains, and to grab it Remus had to announce himself. The room was still occluded by shadows: it couldn't have been later than half past six. His musings about the urgency of casting tempus were interrupted by the shuffling of many skirts he associated with the school matron.

'Miss Black, you are way too early,' Madam Pomfrey murmured. In the quiet, to him, it sounded as loud as a thunder of apparition. Remus clutched the covers, restraining the impulse to sit, trying to regulate his suddenly erratic breathing. 'The potions are on the cabinet. I will be with you shortly.'

More shuffling later there were two soft pops and a faint aroma of cherries, chamomile and honeysuckle spread across the room. The noise of shattering glass that followed was deafening. Remus shifted and managed to slightly part the curtains at the corner of the cot with his foot. Mirach watched the shards scattered on the floor. Her pale face and light grey hair contrasted sharply with the long dark robes and dimness around.

'Miss!' the nurse appeared in front of her, repairing the vial with a wave of the wand. 'Have you finished the potion?' Mirach nodded. 'You were supposed to wait! Your pride is a hinder. Tomorrow you ought to come even earlier.'

With heart booming in his ears Remus struggled to catch Mirach's reply.

'-elf bring it to me?'

'To the girls' dormitory?' Madam Pomfrey asked, incredulous. 'I don't think so. Besides, the walks are good for you. Unless you feel any discomfort?'

Whatever the girl mumbled it made the nurse fret in a way she only ever did with his own healing after a particularly nasty full moon. Remus frowned and shifted closer to the gap.

'Any kind of discomfort and you come here, do you understand, girl? Your case is no joking matter. You have to take extra care of your body.'

The matron cast several spells on the slight witch who waited patiently with a blank expression James liked to complain about.

'Now, anything bothers you?' the girl's face must have shown a flash of uncertainty, for Madam implored softly: 'Out with it then.'

Remus peeped at the witches growing more restless with every second of stretching silence.

'I get headaches sometimes,' Mirach finally spoke haltingly as if the words were forced out of her one by one. 'Brief, just for a few moments.'

Matron's shoulders stiffened and she patted her braids covered by the nightcap in a nervous gesture Remus was well familiar with.

'And what is it you do when you get these episodes?'

The tone of the nurse softened further. This time the silence was so long, Remus thought Mirach was not going to reply.

'I am trying to... remember... a word… or…'

The answer was left unfinished but to Madam, it appeared to be enough.

'Alright, sit over there and we'll see.'

The girl perched on the closest bed fully moving into his line of sight. Her face was an illustration to the manual on conveying doubt and reproach.

'Now try to remember.'

Mirach pursed lips in a perfect imitation of McGonagall and frowned. Pomfrey cast a spell which summoned a mist around her curls. It became a pulsing crimson alarmingly fast.

'Miss Black!' the nurse exclaimed dropping the wand as well as her attempts not to disturb the quiet. 'That is...' she took off the hat and dabbed her hair. 'I don't...'

Mirach was rubbing the forehead. Remus wanted to do the same but was nervous to make any movement.

'I will contact your guardians immediately!' the witch's gaze snapped to matron before she slowly lifted her head. It turned the movement sinister.

'Madam?'

'We must take you to Mungo at once!' Pomfrey nodded resolutely and whirled away in her signature 'witch on a mission' fashion. Mirach stumbled after the nurse, hands flailing uncoordinatedly. She wore an alarmed expression which in the moonlight appeared manic.

'Madam!'

The curtains around his cot flapped in a gust of wind, widening the gap. Remus's palms grew sweaty, gut twisted, neck and shoulders cramped, forearms broke out in gooseflesh.

'Madam!'

The matron indulged the witch and spun, exasperated: 'There is nothing to worry about, Miss Black.' Mirach stood with both arms half-lifted as if in a gesture of uncertain surrender. There was a white flash, and silence. The girl stared at the nurse apprehensively hands still aloft.

'Madam?'

'Miss Black, done with the potions I see. Very well,' Pomfrey chirped. 'Anything else I can help you with?' Mirach slowly shook her head.

Remus was absolutely stunned, gaping at the witch.

_She obliviated the matron._

Dismayed and confused, Remus rubbed palms. His stomach was doing somersaults. The skin at the back of his neck was taut: a vivid image of a wolf with raised hackles jumped to the front of his mind. The glow that always surrounded Mirach waned and was gone.

_She obliviated her._

The witch stared after retreating Pomfrey and turned. Their eyes met. It sent both a shrill and a shiver down his spine. His heart stuttered uncomfortably, mouth dried.

'Are you going to erase my memory as well?' the words came unbidden, full of bitter condemnation. Mirach did not move, observing him with a blank face. It was impossible to tell what she thought.  _He would've given anything to see into her mind._

'Are you going to grass?'

The question was so similar to his first interactions with James and Sirius, he nearly snorted. She couldn't have known any of that.  _Or could she?_  Remus shivered as ice filled his veins. Her gaze was indeed worthy of a Legilimens. He concentrated on silvery curls shining in the light of the waning moon.

'No, but just...'  _how could he begin to explain the sheer wrongness of her actions?_ Remus cleared his throat. 'Don't do that again.' The words came out hoarse as if he was growling like an animal.  _How could she have done that?_

'Listen,' Remus flopped back on the pillows and focused on the whiteness of curtains partially shut around the bed. He brought hands behind his head gripping the hair at the nape of the neck. Tension stiffened his face. 'What you did was dangerous, ok? Memory charm and without a wand...'

'I did not erase it,' Mirach's melodious voice was slow and calm. It also sounded close. Remus scrambled to a sitting position, feet tangling in sheets. The witch stood at the foot of the cot, a brow raised at his antics. 'I only confused her.'

'How is that any different!?' Remus burst into a flurry of hand-waving, incredulous at the thoughtlessness of someone he perceived a symbol of virtue for two months.  _Could he have been more foolish?_  'Why would you do it in the first place? Poppy was just trying to help!'

Mirach remained unaffected by the outburst. Remus rubbed palms squishing the desire to shake her.

'She cannot help me,' the witch examined the bandages on his chest (he hastened to tie the loosened hospital robe) and scars on cheeks until meeting his eyes. Mirach's gaze burned like a blue flame. His skin broke out in goose bumps. 'Or you.'

Remus scowled, ambivalent feelings of disenchantment and uncalled fondness weighting heavy on his heart. Not able to watch the girl anymore, he opened the curtains completely and swung legs to the side. The wand rested on the table in close proximity. Something had a strong metallic scent which made him uneasy.

'I am sorry, I upset you.'

He snorted, shaking the head, staring straight ahead.  _Upset didn't cut it. More like profoundly disappointed. Blacks he cared about were good at that._

'For the spell, I am not,' Remus whirled to Mirach ready to give a piece of his mind but stopped at an inhale and choked. The witch cringed kneading her forehead and watched him cough with apparent worry. Wheezing, Remus gestured at her nose which was bleeding profusely staining the front of her dark dress he mistook for robes in the darkness. Madam Pomfrey rushed to his side with an anti-choking potion. It came handy because Remus couldn't catch a single breath. He gasped, eyes leaking tears. The matron fussed and managed to wrestle him back into the bed, despite his weak attempts to dissuade her.

'I am certain you need more rest!' she cut all protests with a glare. 'Just this morning you were almost admitted to St. Mungo's!'

Baffled, Remus gaped at the nurse. Comprehension slowly dawned. By the time Pomfrey had him fed the diluted sleeping draught ('Just to help you doze off!') and snug under the covers, Mirach was well gone.

He woke to a semi-dark room. The sheets coiled tight around him. Heart stuttering and pounding faster with every second, Remus tried to move and couldn't. Panic overflowed. He felt a frightening presence approaching on the right. A woman in a white nightgown with black hair covering her face floated towards him. Remus snarled. His fear faded morphing into anger. The apparition moved closer. Remus sensed its rising agitation. There was something huge and menacing standing at the foot of his bed. He couldn't move. Panic seized again. The woman kneeled on the floor next to the cot. Her head was shaking from side to side, the movement so fast it blurred. Remus opened his eyes to the semi-dark Hospital Wing facing the spot where the outline of apparition slowly faded into the thin air. Heart pounding, he sat up and opened the curtains.

Shouting overwhelmed him at once. Sweet but unpleasant faint odour permeated the air. Remus gaped at the chaos around.

Pomfrey was grappling for her wand with a curly olive-skinned girl.

'It was her fault!' the student screamed, frenzied. 'It was all her fault!'

Another girl with short blond locks was clawing at the hands and cheeks frantically, crying and moaning, her expression – an exaggerated mask of terror. 'It's under my skin, under the skin!' she shrieked scratching furiously behind the ears as if in an attempt to dislodge invisible insects in her hair.

The third girl with two half-undone braids was scrambling on all fours muttering continuously: 'Where is it?'

At the door a small crowd of sleepy students gathered, all in their pyjamas, some wearing sloppily hanging robes on top.

'Miss!' Madam Pomfrey panted. 'Give it back!' She kicked the violent girl in the shin and successfully reclaimed her wand.

'Petrificus totalus!' the nurse cried when the witch lunged with an enraged scream. She dropped on the floor face first, stiff as a board. The matron levitated her to the nearest cot and turned around to the blond who managed to draw blood by the frenzied scratching. After a moment of hesitation, Pomfrey petrified the girl and situated her to bed as well. The third witch was sitting on the floor in the middle of the room drawing breaths from nothing in her fingers as if in a pretence of smoking. The nurse studied her with pursed lips and repeated the same process.

'What are you standing there for?' Pomfrey's voice cut the sudden silence as she snapped at the crowd. Many students startled. Remus jerked so badly he nearly fell off. 'Anyone called the professors?'

'Madam Sprout is in their dorm investigating,' replied Logan Dunbar, Hufflepuff six-year prefect. Remus did a double take. He never expected to see the always neat bloke so bedraggled.

'Abbott went to notify the Headmaster,' said another student.

'Very well, now out!'

Pomfrey hurried to the three petrified girls and with a wave of wand conjured a screen around them, hiding everything. The pupils grumbled and whispered. Remus thought he heard someone murmur 'black,' but couldn't be certain.

Curiosity and unease babbling, he lay back not bothering with curtains anymore. Pomfrey did not dismiss him yet, and probably, she was going to be too busy for that.  _Should he leave? Those students already saw him anyway._   _And what in Merlin's name happened?_  While he battled with himself, the Hospital Wing brightened and was soon washed in the first rays of dawn. Remus yawned and stretched, settling to wait.

After a few moments, which he spent straining ears to distinguish any noise from behind the screen, Headmaster Dumbledore entered. He wore a long yellow robe with purple half-moons. Professors McGonagall and Sprout, both in their teacher robes but with dishevelled hair, came in right after him. The latter was levitating some weird mass in a sphere in front of her. They paid no attention to Remus and went straight to the screen.

Dumbledore tapped the surface with the wand and in a moment Pomfrey moved it aside and stepped out.

'Albus,' the nurse was breathless, rumpled and perspiring but had a satisfied look about her. 'The girls will be just fine by dinner,' She patted the hair which was in complete disarray. 'Heavily poisoned. Saved by the timely admission. In another hour the chances of death would have been close to one-hundred per cent.'

Pomfrey's statement rendered everyone mute. Dumbledore's expression was thunderous. The ambience grew oppressive. Remus struggled to breathe imagining witnessing such a sad end for the three young witches.

'You are a treasure, Poppy,' the old wizard said with a sombre smile. While the matron blushed, he pointed the wand at the sphere and it floated closer to the nurse. 'This was found in the room on the fourth bed.' The blob was slowly revolving. The professors and the nurse formed a circle, contemplating the evidence.

'That is how the aftermath of a dungbomb looks like,' said McClaggan as soon as he burst in. After him trailed Slughorn and Imamu.

'The filling was changed,' murmured Sprout. Next to her, McGonagall stood pale and fierce clutching the wand. Remus had never seen his Head of the House so agitated.

'What an idea!' Slytherin exclaimed excitedly.

'To highly toxic fumes, Horace! And it almost drove insane an entire Hufflepuff!' Sprout was panting with cheeks blooming angry red. 'Had the older students not thought of vanishing the smoke, more children would have been hurt!' Slughorn lost all colours as he took a few steps back almost colliding with professor Imamu.

'What toxin was it?' asked McClaggan scrutinizing the blob. There was a brief pause.

'Moonflower,' everyone faced Sprout, who looked devastated.

Professors and Remus waited for further explanations. Pomfrey and Slughorn wore calculating expressions.

'All three girls were having vivid hallucinations,' the Herbology professor elaborated. 'The students said the fumes smelled sweet but foul.' Imamu was nodding.

Sprout covered her mouth with a hand, eyes red but dry.

'Pomona, have you, perhaps, saved another sample?' Dumbledore' tone was gentle.

She shook her head: 'Only this, Headmaster.'

'Very well,' the old wizard patted his beard. 'I shall investigate it closely in my office. Pomona and Horace, will you be willing to join me?' Both professors nodded.

'Whose bed it was found on?' asked Pomfrey. McGonagall made a small noise at the back of the throat. Sprout rubbed her brows tiredly.

'Students said it was Miss Black's.'

What the teachers discussed next became a white noise for Remus who felt his face freeze in a grimace of mixed disbelief and disgust.  _Did she plan for this to happen? Was that why she came in so early? What the fuck was going on?_

'-Lupin will be kind enough to be our messenger,' Remus jerked and found all the professors staring at him. Cheeks and ears going in flames, he cleared his throat.

'Pardon me?'

McClaggan snorted. Dumbledore appeared to be stuck between solemn and amused.

'Would you mind fetching Miss Black to my office, Mister Lupin?'

As he was about to agree, Sprout cut in.

'Headmaster, I would really like to speak to her. Fifth-year Hufflepuffs have Herbology as the first period, but if I could see the girl before then…' she wrung her hands, face scrunched up in worry. 'I want to hear what she has to say before... before,' the witch was lost for words.

Dumbledore nodded: 'We shall wait in your office together,' the blob rose with a wave of the wand and floated in front of him. 'Thank you, Mister Lupin,' he said and left. The other professors followed.

Sprout looked at Remus with raised brows: 'Will you please forward Miss Black to me if you meet her, Remus?'

He agreed without paying much attention to the question.

Pomfrey scanned his body several times and dismissed him. Tempus revealed it was just after eight. Remus decided to go to the Great Hall first. Weary, he mulled over the events of this mad morning, mindlessly turning corners.

_The potions were understandable, even if Mirach's timing was not. Did she always visit the nurse before breakfast? How had he missed her last month? What was the deal with the red glow on the screening charm? That level of pain was supposed to be unbearable. And confunding Pomfrey's memories?_

_Was he confunded as well?_

Remus tagged at the robes, hand going to the pocket to squeeze the wood of his wand. The spark that raced up the arm at the contact calmed him significantly.

 _How was he to trust anything anymore? Every bit of evidence pointed to her. It was rational to assume the unthinkable._  Remus swallowed the lump in his throat, the thought making him queasy. But she was a painfully obvious choice of a suspect. Mirach shared the dorm with the three witches. All of whom were poisoned while she was busy drinking potions and confunding the nurse at an ungodly hour. Above all, rumours carried that the witch was unsocial, haughty and, the worst, prejudiced. Remus tried to remember each time he watched Mirach.

No longer hindered by the glow, his memories were of her sitting alone at the Great Hall, or in the furthest corner of the library where no one ever studied, or on the bench in the schoolyard, or anywhere else. The witch was friendless. And indeed, she ambled around the school in a seemingly lofty manner.  _Was she bigoted as well?_ Remus squeezed the wand in his pocket until the cypress wood painfully cut into the palm.  _Was the whole speech that had him so smitten just a pretence?_  Remus stopped abruptly and clawed at his hair in extreme frustration.  _Nothing made bloody sense!_

'Woah there!'

He turned to amused stares of Evans and McKinnon. The witches exchanged glances.

'What's with the dramatic hair-ripping?' asked Marlene.

Remus shrugged and smiled. By the alarmed look on their faces, it must not have been a pretty sight.

A bunch of fifth-year Hufflepuffs went by towards the Hall. Each was speaking over the other and waving hands in agitation.

'-the whole bloody house!'

'-she is so getting expelled for this stunt!'

'-the nerve!'

'-can't stand the whole lot of them!'

The usually sunny Hufflepuffs barreled through the stream of kids going to breakfast not stopping their ranting for a moment.

Lily and Marlene were flabbergasted, as well as many students around, who started whispering excitedly to each other, obviously hungry for a juicy piece of morning gossip. Remus flushed as if the whole thing was about him.  _How would everyone react after learning what a monster he was?_

'What the bloody buggering…'

'Marlene!' Lily snapped at her friend as they moved ahead.

Remus stood in the middle of the flow, breathing shallowly and clenching fists. He could not go inside the Hall and face anything there.  _What was she thinking? Why would she do it?_   _She was supposed to be the one hiding from the dark that dwelled in the closets, not the beast herself._  Unseeing, Remus spun and slammed into someone. He apologized not lifting the head and went towards the Gryffindor Tower, paying no heed to the somnambular students proceeding down for breakfast.

Sirius was sleeping blissfully on top of the blankets, limbs artfully spread. Peter's bed was a burrow made of a mountain of fabric, half of which was James's clothes and sheets. The shower was running in the bathroom. Remus felt resentment rise towards his mates, who enjoyed a perfect relaxed morning.

The door behind him opened with a bang.

'Hot damn!' shouted Davey Gudgeon panting in exaltation. 'Hufflepuff's Black has finally lost it and tried to poison her roommates!'

Sirius woke with a jerk.

'Cachau bant!' Remus snapped. The hot-headed fifth-year gaped at him but had enough sense to leave.

'What that was about, Moony?' James stood by the door to the bathroom wearing only a towel, dripping water all over the floor.

Having no desire to talk, Remus strode to the side table next to James's bed and snatched the map. Mirach was in one of her favourite locations - the inner yard, surrounded by several students. He noted Catchlove, Cresswell and Peakes among the names guessing that her own housemates found the witch first.

'What is she doing?' Sirius's hoarse voice startled Remus back to the present. Prongs and Padfoot flanked him watching the map. He dropped it on the mattress and moved back.

'Moony?' James asked, worried.

Never more in his life, Remus wanted to be in the cellar where his parents hid him for the moons than in that very moment. Sirius grabbed his hands and wrestled them away from his face.

'What's going on?' his mate had grey eyes. Yet, they reminded him of flaming blue ones as well as of dark brown glistering in contempt and fear. Remus pushed Sirius away.

White-hot anger flooded him as he struggled to breathe. James stared flummoxed.  _What was he bloody looking at?_  Padfoot grew quiet, demeanour turning hostile.  _Did Sirius have any right to get upset?_

_Could this day give him a fucking break?_

'Tell me what the fuck is going on,' Sirius growled and Remus felt the proverbial hackles rise. All he could do to stop from lunging forward was stare his mate down. But Padfoot was a brash arsehole who never backed from the challenge. Instead, he stood taller and stepped forward.

'Tell me!' he barked and Remus lost it.

Moony barely came back to himself sitting on top of Sirius who struggled to keep the clawed hands away from his neck. James was frantically tagging him off by the robes and hair. Remus relaxed and let Prongs yank him off of Sirius.

 _What had he done?_  The thought looped in his mind as he watched the stone ceiling above. There were no faces or shapes on its surface.

'I'm so sorry,' his eyes grew hot, vision blurred, but Remus didn't let the tears fall.  _He didn't deserve any relief._  After a while, James settled next to him. Sirius joined on another side. Their quiet forgiveness and acceptance were so soothing it was painful.  _He didn't deserve any friends either._

Silence calmed him even as the guilt and shame overflowed. Desire to please and compensate for the outburst bloomed rapidly.

'It's about Mirach,' both Sirius and James sat up immediately. Remus hurried with explanations looking straight above. 'This morning her three roommates were poisoned, while she wasn't in the room. The teachers and the whole school think the obvious.'

Sirius scrambled up and started dressing, waving the wand around to quicken the process. James did the same.

'And you, Moony, were quick to believe the worst, yeah?' the bitterness in his mate's voice made him wince. Nothing Remus could say would have negated the truth that he indeed assumed the worst. Because anything good in his life would come to the end. Just like his childhood friendship with a boy who may or may not have died because of him. Just like his secret-keeping after a near murder of a fellow student. Just like his career in Hogwarts which would come to finish without any real possibility to find work being what he was. The monsters didn't deserve happy endings. There was no happiness for outsiders, no relief in the light for those who should live in the darkness.

James's serious face appeared above him.

'Get your arse up, Moony.'

He wanted to stay on the cold stone and watch the ceiling forever. Sirius forced him to stand.

'Cut the pity fest bullshite, Remus,' Padfoot's gaze was hard but understanding. The sparse stubble made him look shaggy and much less intense. 'Now's not the time.'

Remus nodded.  _Now was better suited for taking a nap._

James lightly slapped his cheek.

'I know these bleeding outbursts make you sleepy and you're tired after the moon, but we need you right now.'

Everything shivered as Prongs shook him. A sharp sting in his hand brought the room into focus.

Sirius smirked, brow raised. His eyes were not laughing, however.

'No hard feelings?' The question held more meanings than his life. Rubbing the pulsing hand, Remus tried for a smile. He already felt significantly better surrounded by friends.

'No hard feelings, mate. But only if you shave that bum fluff off.'

Sirius guffawed, and they were good again.

Remus briefed them on everything he learned, skipping over the part where Mirach confunded the nurse. It felt wrong to bring up: her decision struck some deeply personal cord within him. Making someone forget by bewitching their memories was different from obliviate and potentially less dangerous. Surely, she would have never used it if there was a risk to Pomfrey. Remus planned to research that spell. Of course, he wasn't going to use the charm. It was purely for academic interest. Or for hypothetical unrealistic situations when someone decided to stalk him and his friends and threaten to expose his furry little problem.

James scanned the map as they left the Tower. Mirach was with the Herbology professor in one of the Greenhouses where Sprout's office must have been.

Remus frowned: 'Check for Headmaster Dumbledore.'

'Huh,' Prongs opened the section with Headmaster Tower. 'He's with lots of wizards,' James peered closer at the parchment, 'and Andromeda.'

Sirius snatched the paper and checked for himself: 'Prewetts must be Molly Weasley's brothers. Both are trained aurors,' he tossed the map back to James who sent him a withering glare. 'I bet they are going to come down. Let's try and intersect them'.

'Don't see the point, mate,' said James. 'If they're coming for Mirach we shall just go to her.'

'And we can find out what Sprout has to say,' Sirius grinned clapping James on the back. He stumbled forward from the force and scowling pushed back. They proceeded to the Greenhouses shoving each other. Remus sighed trailing slightly behind.  _If his friends were idiots was he one as well? He surely felt foolish in the light of everything that happened so far. A judgemental monster and an idiot on top of everything._

Unsurprisingly, the door to the office was open. There was a rumour Sprout didn't believe in locks or privacy charms. The conversation was either warded after all or already finished. Even Remus heard nothing. Another reason could have been an entirety of fifth-year Hufflepuffs who gathered at the entrance creating a distracting buzz of noise.

The students parted when Dumbledore approached. Ginger twins followed step for step like bodyguards. Next stalked a scowling olive-skinned man in Ministry robes. The last marched pale Andromeda, demeanour haughty and calm which she pulled off despite wearing pink fluffy slippers again. She saw Sirius and shook the head. Padfoot clenched his jaws. After a few words from the Headmaster ('First half of professor Sprout's lesson will be a self-study in the greenhouse.') and an expectant stare, the crowd all but disappeared. The procession entered but before the door clicked shut Sirius darted forward and managed to keep it barely open. They settled to eavesdrop.

'Pomona, thank you for waiting,' said Dumbledore.

'Yes, yes, Albus,' the Herbology professor chattered nervously. 'I believe Miss Black-'

'Is she the one who poisoned my daughter?' rudely interrupted a gruff voice. 'What are you waiting for? Grab her and bring before the Wizengamot!'

Sirius's knuckles turned white as he clutched the edge of the door. He exhaled through the nose noisily. James was running fingers through the hair. Remus's gut twisted in anxiety.

'Now, Mister Wynne, we are here not to make any hasty decisions-'

'With all respect, Dumbledore, my girl could have died because of that scum-'

'How dare you!' Andromeda cried outraged. Sirius took out the wand and was about to charge, but Remus and James managed to hold him back.

'How dare  _you_!' the wizard was shouting. 'You think just because you're a Black, anything goes? That you can poison and murder in the open sight? That you can drive people insane? And you, little monster-'

There came a sound of a scuffle. Sirius wrestled free and went in. Remus and Prongs hurried after.

One of the twins had the father tied by a rope. The other levelled his wand at Andromeda who looked ready to kill. Padfoot stalked to his cousin and assumed a defence position. Prongs flanked him. Remus stood by the entrance feeling like a complete idiot; doubly so, when Dumbledore, Sprout and Mirach turned to him after assessing Sirius and James. His face was hotter than after a day under the sun, but Remus refused to avert the gaze from Mirach's. The girl had dark circles around the eyes and a bit of dried blood in one nostril.

The time stopped for him, but conversations were flowing.

'-guard dogs, Black,' finished ginger nastily still aiming at Andromeda. Sirius raised his wand. James scrutinized the auror, copying the movement. All the while the restrained man complained about his rights in between of cursing the Blacks as a whole and Mirach in particular.

'That's enough,' said Dumbledore in a quiet voice. The words must have had magic behind them, as Remus felt compelled to relax and put the wand away. Others visibly calmed as well. Only Sirius remained openly hostile.

'Misters Potter, Lupin and Black, I would like you to leave,' the wizard's tone was authoritative. Remus barely restrained the urge to scatter as fast as he could. James shook the head as if ridding of an annoying thought. Sirius stood taller and glared at the Headmaster defiantly.

'I'm a family member, and I'm not leaving.'

'Sirius,' Andromeda tried to appease her cousin.

'No!' he barked. 'I and my mates will stay and watch Mirach proven innocent and then this arsehole,' he pointed the wand at the olive-skinned wizard (The twins drew their wands as one), 'will apologize.'

'You bratty-'

Whatever the man had to say was cut off by a violent gust of wind that choked everyone to silence. Sprout crouched to pick up her fallen hat.

Dumbledore turned to Mirach: 'You shall decide, Miss.' His eyes were unsmiling and dull, pale blue of a frozen window on a winter chilly day.

The witch looked around, her gaze stopping on the sneering wizard in the Ministry robes.

'What is required of me?' she stared at the man, clearly making him uncomfortable. One of the ginger twins smirked, amused. The other twin gave her slim form a once-over, unimpressed. James wore a constipated expression, watching the ginger. Sirius glowered.

'A statement under the effects of veritaserum,' Dumbledore took out a small bottle from the pocket of his robes.

'No!' Andromeda was instantly at Mirach's side and cut between her sister and the old wizard. 'No.'

He watched on, silent and calm. Mirach kept with the scrutiny of the father.

'What is included in the procedure?' grey-haired witch drawled, moving her attention to the twins. After a moment her hand slowly went up and rubbed the forehead.

'You will consume the potion and will be asked a series of questions all under the spell Legilimens, which shall guarantee no truth concealment or evasion.'

Andromeda scowled at the words.

'Miri,' she turned and caressed the silver curls of the girl, 'you do not have to give that kind of statement. Especially, with so many people in the room.'

Mirach looked at her sister as if silently communicating. Remus shivered at the possibilities of anyone being able to see into other's minds.

'Who will perform the spell?' she asked and Andromeda uncharacteristically threw her hands in the air with a huff.

'As a Chief Warlock, I will.'

For the briefest moment, Remus saw an expression of absolute terror on her face. It was gone in a blink, but despite the outer demeanour of calmness, her breathing quickened. He tugged at the collar of the robes to get some air.

'I agree,' Mirach looked back at the olive-skinned wizard again. 'I did not poison anyone.'

The man gulped and stepped back. The twins exchanged glances and simultaneously sniggered. Sirius sneered. James stifled a yawn.

Andromeda spoke quietly to Mirach about the choice to refuse while the witch settled into the chair opposite Dumbledore. Both aurors stood backing the Headmaster, the Ministry man - by their side. Remus settled to the left of Sirius and James to the right behind Mirach's chair.

Sprout counted three drops of veritaserum into Mirach's mouth. Dumbledore cast legilimens. He was quiet for a few moments, frowning.

'What is your full name?'

There was a long pause. Dumbledore's brows lifted.

'Mirach Agena Black.'

'Why didn't she reply right away?' demanded the worried father.

Headmaster waved the question away, not breaking the contact with the witch.

'How old are you?'

The question was followed by another long pause. The old wizard's eyes twinkled.

'Fifteen.'

Remus had never seen how the truth serum works, but judging from the dumbfounded faces of the twins, something was different from the norm.

'Who do you suspect of poisoning your roommates?'

'I do not know,' the reply was fast, words slurred. Dumbledore leaned forward, squinting.

'Is today Monday, November the 8th?'

'Yes.'

At another instant answer, Dumbledore's eyes positively sparkled.

'Who put the poison bomb in your bed?'

'I do not know.'

Remus couldn't shake the feeling that the wizard was not truly interested in the statement any longer.

'What year were you born?'

This time a pause stretched the longest. Dumbledore wore a suddenly hungry expression, which made Remus extremely uneasy. James stared as if he never saw the Headmaster before. Sirius frowned and stepped closer to his cousins.

'19… 61.'

_Why would she hesitate about personal questions like that?_

'Were you the one who put the bomb in your bed for any given reason?'

'No.'

Dumbledore beamed and leaned closer to the girl. There were barely two inches between their faces.

'Who is Hermione?'

Mirach made a choking sound. Fingers clawed at the robes at her thighs. She gulped air as if suffocating. Andromeda grabbed one of her sister's forearms, worried.

'Anything hurts, Miri?'

'A muggle-born witch.'

Headmaster raised the wand to her temple.

'Did you ask someone to put the bomb in your bed directly or indirectly?'

'No.'

The old wizard tapped the wand at Mirach's forehead. The witch froze in place, serene.

'Is Harry Hermione's friend?'

Mirach answered dazedly: 'Yes.'

'Did you poison or arranged to poison Charlotte Rice, Ethmer Cornwell and Delia Wynne?'

'No.'

'That is enough-'

Dumbledore cut Andromeda off with the next question.

'Where can I find Hermione?'

Mirach whimpered. A red drop trailed from one nostril.

'Enough!' Andromeda shouted, wiping the blood and hugging her sister, who placidly stared into Headmaster's eyes. Remus had no idea what to do. Sirius and James were both no less confused.

'Hermione died under the rubble.'

'When did she die?'

The Prewett twins watched, alarmed. The olive-skinned wizard was ashen and glancing around in obvious desire to be anywhere else. Mirach's nose and ears bled profusely.

'Stop it! Stop!' Andromeda screeched, outright hysterical, shoving Dumbledore away from Mirach. The wizard didn't budge.

'Sunday, May 2nd.'

It was getting difficult to breathe. Remus tagged at the robes. James took them off altogether parting the collar of his fine linen shirt. Sirius stood in defence position blinking rapidly. The twins drew their wands as well. The Ministry man darted to the door but was halted by the unsmiling Sprout.

Dumbledore and Mirach were stuck in each other's gaze while Andromeda futilely tried to stop the interrogation. Pressure rose higher. Remus clutched at the head. His brain swelled as if ready to explode. Eyes were being pushed out of the sockets. A high pitched buzz was maddening for everyone but the two.

'1999,' Mirach said or she didn't, because Remus could not tell up from down. Or if he was dreaming or truly experiencing this weightless sensation.

With a thundering snap the glass in the entire Greenhouse shattered and he fell.

Remus groaned moving gingerly, noting in surprise that nothing hurt. Next to him Padfoot and Prongs grunted, sitting up.

'No!' Andromeda's voice was full of panic and desperation. 'Get off of her! Get away!'

Remus shifted turning to the side.

Mirach lay pale and still in front of kneeling Dumbledore who held the wand above her unmoving form. Andromeda scrambled to her sister and pushed the wizard away. She was openly crying.

'Miss Black will be alright, Madam Tonks,' spoke Headmaster dusting the robes before he rose and waved the wand. All broken shards were repaired instantly.

'This was out of line, Dumbledore!' spat Andromeda. 'You knew the risks and still did this!' Sirius shivered and shakily stood up.

'I assure you I have not intended to harm,' the wizard spoke, contrite. 'Your sister's mind is magnificent and I may have lost myself for a moment. Please accept my apologies.'

The brown-haired witch sneered and said nothing. She got up and levitated Mirach away. Sirius and James followed, the latter glancing at the Headmaster every few moments in disbelieve. Dumbledore sighed and faced the father who goggled at the empty space next to the bewildered twins and smug Sprout.

'I believe you have your statement, Mister Wynne.'

The man was nodding dazedly as Remus left after his mates.

They took Mirach to the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey nearly jumped out of her skirts, rushing to the witch. Sirius and Andromeda murmured encouragements to each other. James had a flabbergasted look as if someone hit him over the head with the Giant Squid's tentacle. Remus did not know what to make of everything that happened. Relief that Mirach's name was cleared dimmed under the pressure of confusion.  _What was the meaning of those pauses in her replies? And before the explosion did she say 1999?_  Remus shook the head, tired to the bones. This day was going to drive him insane.

A long while later, which from what the clock chimed was only ten minutes but to him felt like forever, the nurse finally emerged from behind Mirach's privacy screen.

'Miss Black shall be back to normal by tonight,' Andromeda burst into tears and threw herself in Sirius's embrace. The matron patted her back. After the brown-haired witch calmed, she continued: 'However, she has shown signs of prolonged moonflower poisoning and I would like to keep her in for a couple of days.'

Remus was completely and irrevocably lost.

'What do you mean prolonged poisoning?' demanded Sirius.

The matron put her hands on the hips: 'That is no tone to take with me, young man!'

Sirius glared but apologized. The nurse heaved a sigh.

'I mean precisely what I say. Miss Black has a residue of extensive poisoning by datura.'

Andromeda wrung her fingers. Pomfrey hurried to appease the witch: 'Not to worry, the dosage was obviously small for any lasting effects.'

At a quarter past ten, Headmaster showed, followed by all Heads of Houses. Remus, Sirius and James were dismissed to their classes after Dumbledore gave a formal apology to all parties that were present at the Greenhouse. Andromeda did not look impressed in the least. Her face remained inscrutable both during and after the speech.

The potions were chaos. Students could not stop whispering. Peter, fresh from Divination, was already fully informed by the rumours. By lunch, the wildest theories circulated all around the school: of Mirach trying to commit suicide, of her duelling the Headmaster, of her getting cursed in revenge by Wynne's father and many more absurd scenarios. Remus rolled his eyes so much, they hurt. Sirius was in a foul mood, brooding and quiet. James didn't speak either. When their housemates including Pete asked for the hundredth time if one or another fantasy was true, Sirius jumped up with a murderous expression. He and James had to restrain Padfoot but at least it was an effective warning for everyone.

Halfway through, Headmaster appeared. In the immediate silence, he strolled to the area in front of the professor's table, where the sorting was held.

'Dear all,' he started, drawing attention. 'This morning three students were admitted to the Hospital Wing with moonflower poisoning,' the racket started at once but died out with a calm hand raise from Dumbledore. 'They will be fine.'

Whispers carried: 'Black,' all around the Hall. Despite knowing that Mirach was not at fault, Remus felt anxiety twist his gut.

Headmaster continued: 'Also known as datura, and devil's trumpet, it is an ingredient recently added to the list of illegal that causes dryness of the mouth, dizziness and double vision, provokes violent behaviour, nightmares as well as hallucinations affecting all senses, the signature being a so-called 'phantom cigarettes.'

Remus exchanged looks with James. They both turned to Sirius who was pale except for two red spots on his high cheeks.

'Madam Sprout will devote time to briefing students of all years about the dangers of datura poisoning.'

The Head Boy Niall Abbott lifted the hand. Dumbledore nodded.

'Was the culprit caught and apprehended, Headmaster?'

The noise started anew for a moment until the wizard replied.

'It remains unknown who did it.'

A commotion began, many shouting: 'It was Black!' Some pointed fingers at Sirius and Regulus. Remus and James struggled to pacify Padfoot.

Dumbledore waited patiently for the noise to calm.

'Mirach Black was as much a victim as her roommates.'

This statement was met with a brief silence. Few hands were raised. Dumbledore picked the six-year Ravenclaw prefect Bobine Pascal.

'How did you confirm this, Headmaster?'

'Miss Black gave a statement under the influence of veritaserum in the presence of trained aurors and a ministry official.'

Murmurs broke out.

'She's a Black, they know all kind of dark stuff to fool the potion!' shouted a Hufflepuff from the farthest end from Dumbledore. Students around the dark-haired boy hummed in agreement.

Sirius threw Remus off and was up pointing the wand in direction of the speaker. At the Slytherin table, Regulus stood ready to pounce.

'I assure you, Mister Peakes, and everyone that Miss Black had spoken the truth. I vouch for her if that means anything to you.'

In the silence, a chair screeched as its legs dragged on the stone floor. Professor Sprout rose, chin high up, staring hard at her table: 'I vouch for Mirach as well.'

Nothing much could have beaten that and the discussion died. Students finished with lunch and went to classes. The buzz surrounding the mystery calmed to background noise. Everyone was too spoiled by the everyday ghastly news of The Prophet as well as by the rising hype of the upcoming Opening Quidditch Match. Most reached the conclusion that someone's prank went awry. Few even stared at Remus and his mates as they went about their business with calculating and fearful expressions. After all, the Marauders were the first to point finger at when it came to pranks.

By dinner, the three witches were back, huddled and protected by their housemates at the Hufflepuff table. Jordan went to sit with his girlfriend who, Remus remembered, was wrestling with Pomfrey during her psychotic episode. Sirius and James left to see Mirach. Tired, he refused, choosing to stay in the slowly emptying Great Hall. The ceiling was magnificent for contemplating mysteries and on a cloudy evening like today for naming the wispy masses after their forms.

'Moony, I'm gonna head to the dorm.'

He waved Wormtail off, feeling relaxed for the first time this tedious day.

Mirach was even more bewitching to him now. She was not a criminal. Dumbledore found her mind fascinating. Sirius let no evil be spoken about her and James followed in Padfoot's footsteps.

_How he wished to look into her mind. Maybe, she also always woke early and contemplated the burning eyes dwelling in the darkness. He was the real monster. Yet, Mirach didn't turn away once. It was no pretence. She was the light._

Next he saw the witch, she was glowing again.


	6. Prejudice

6.

_Green haunts me,_

_The colour that brings death._

_This shade is poles apart_

_Its vibrancy is something else,_

_Or someone else._

_But who?_

_I couldn’t tell._

**Friday, November 19, 1976, 4:58pm**

 

‘…saddening to have such a small class of NEWT students. You must use this opportunity to learn to respect each other regardless of their house affiliation like the young adults you all are. Some even legally. The lines…’

Lily couldn’t help glancing at Black few desks behind. Last year he bragged about his coming of age in November to every ear that would listen. Surprisingly, at professor’s comment, Sirius didn’t smirk or flaunt his vanity but ignored the lecture altogether. Lily could relate. For the last few minutes, she contemplated the delayed letter from her parents and Christmas shopping while discreetly packing.

The trip to Portsmouth was all her dad could talk about since the Tangerine Dream’s gig. It was a pity she couldn’t join them. Petunia’s gap year allowed her more freedom.

_They might have bought presents there. Tuney, probably, got hideous pottery._

Lily’s hand rose to fiddle with the earlobe.

_Not once her sister gifted something nice or even a card. This year, she’d return the favour._

She nodded, fingers twisting her earring _again_ , and met Potter’s eyes. The idiot sat next to Black wearing his glasses upside down like in every class this week, no doubt as some sort of foolish joke. The wizard winked, grinning cockily. Lily turned away with a huff, slamming the offending limb on the desk. _Potter never learnt._

_A joke, indeed. Such a cute smile wasted on a toerag._

‘The break will be ten minutes,’ students in the back cheered, which got a glare from the professor. ‘I expect you in the next classroom with wands at the ready.’

Lily started, having missed the instructions for the practical part amidst the parental lecture professor McClaggan was prone to give and turned to Marlene. The witch slept with the eyes open.

‘Marly!’ she hissed.

Marlene was driving Lily bonkers – her academic enthusiasm was solely expressed in History. Yet, she never received less than Exceed Expectations in any subject despite the lacklustre attitude, while Lily took extensive notes in every class.

The brunette blinked and yawned jaw popping. She blew the bangs out of her eyes and stretched.

‘Did he shut up, finally?’

Lily signed to the heavens, the usual mix of fondness and exasperation blossoming in her gut. _How will she survive in a big world with such a poor filter?_ The annoyance won when the witch grabbed her favourite quill. _Again_.

‘That’s mine!’ Lily lunged.

Marlene laughed, holding the feather out of reach with one hand, pushing her away with the other.

‘You’re sure?’ she waved it and stood up, making Lily lose the balance and collapse on the bench. Marlene guffawed.

‘Accio quill!’ familiar voice said. _It was a deeply infuriating, frustratingly deep and irritatingly nice rumble_.

Willing the cheeks to cool down _at once_ , Lily fixed her hat and the twisted robes. She hoped her glare burned the stinky smirk off of Marlene’s face. _Why were they friends?_

‘There you go, Evans,’ Potter held out the quill - tall with the ridiculous glasses upside down and the hat slanted. Lily swallowed the automatic thanks and snatched the feather away, whirling on the spot. Marlene’s ponytail swayed, as she disappeared into the hall.

_What an arse._

Before Potter could spout nonsense, Lily grabbed the bag and dashed to the exit, passing giggling Mary and Dorcas. She sent her best dirty look, which only made the girls laugh harder. _They were absolute devil’s daughters._

Lily joined Marlene, who was at the door of their duelling room checking the list of duelling partners next to the duo of Ravenclaws.

‘Fuck me dead, I’m with Talkalot,’ Marlene pouted.

Lily smacked the witch’s shoulder, looking for her name. She was in fourth place with Bobine Pascal.

‘Moony, mate, you’re first again!’ Potter shouted from amidst the gathered small crowd of six-years.

‘Woah, Doherty and Lupin should just go out already,’ Darcy Kellaway announced. Predictably, Potter and Black jumped into a rant match with the arrogant Ravenclaw. Lily ignored them, studying the pairs.

First went Remus Lupin and Aoife Doherty from Slytherin. The witch’s wandwork was as mean as her stink eyes, despite the break she took from school in the third year. Lupin had a gift for Defence but was too etiquette-abiding, which would’ve been a disadvantage in a real fight against the dark wizards.

Next was the pair of Potter and Black. The toerags were as talented as they were obnoxious. The professor’s decision to put them together was lost on her: the boys fought against each other in a rather carefree way, which wasn’t the best strategy for improvement.

The third place took Severus and his Death Eater wannabe friend Rosier. Admittedly, her former friend was talented at the subject if motivated by the hideous agenda.

_It was of no matter. For all she cared, Snape could’ve already been a Death Eater._

Her fingers twisted the earring in a particularly painful angle, but Lily hardly noticed.

_How did Sev become such a hateful, churlish person, execrating her kind? Was their friendship ever even true?_

‘Quit blocking the way, Miss Evans,’ professor McClaggan razzed, startling Lily. She hurried away and stepped on somebody’s shoes. Apologizing, Lily turned and once again met Potter’s gaze. Hand in the hair, the wizard was blushing as if they shared a romantic moment.

_Was the bloke delusional? Could he take a hint?!_

_Why did he have to be so attractive?_

‘Uh,’ she flushed in irritation, spotting smug Marlene, Mary and Dorcas behind Potter. _What was this idiotic conspiracy?_ Lily spun, hoping her hair whipped him in the face and rushed inside to the farthest spot from the classroom’s door.

‘Alright, class,’ professor announced. ‘Bags and hats over there,’ he pointed to the right corner, ‘wands out, brains on.’

Students used the levitation spell – Baethan Stebbins’s botching and sending his heavy bag in Hugo Lovette’s gut. Potter and Black threw their things from halfway across the room, Black’s hat smacking Rosamund Travers in the back of the head, Potter’s – Tilda Flint. Both Slytherins whirled around, indignation morphing into a poorly disguised pleasure at Black’s booming guffaws. Head thrown back, hand holding the lean stomach vaguely defined through the fitted robes, the lad cut an arresting figure.

‘Once more, for those with especially short attention span,’ spoke professor McClaggan, glaring at Stebbins. ‘Every student who uses the reductor curse or the vanishing spell on another will be expelled without delay. Same goes for the Dark spells. I believe mentioning Unforgivables is redundant, but I must repeat: any of those will land you in Azkaban,’ He focused on Snape and Rosier. Lily averted her gaze from Severus’s eager face. ‘This is a practice of silent casting. I expect no sound but zaps of magic in this auditorium for the next,’ he checked his golden watch, furrowing blond brows, ‘half an hour!?’

_What was that question?_

Marlene snorted.

‘Oh, bugger!’ professor exclaimed, waving the wand. ‘We’ve no time!’ _And whose fault was that?_

The floor lined itself in twelve square sections. Students hurried to their partners. In the brief chaos, Lily searched for Pascal’s dark curls. The Ravenclaw stood in the corner next to Lucinda Talkalot, and Potter and Black, discreetly ogling the latter in a rather inappropriate manner. Lily exhaled, pulling the earring, and marched towards her. _Was there anyone in Hogwarts not fancying Sirius Black?_

‘Wands out!’ boomed professor McClaggan. Bobine unstuck her eyes from Black and bowed. Lily responded in kind and sent langlock.

‘Lupin, Doherty! What’d I say? Bow first!’

Pascal blocked easily and started moving in a slow circle. Lily followed, analyzing her motions. The brunette cast - by the turquoise colour - impedimenta. Lily dispelled it, countering with a tripping jinx. Bobine sidestepped but stumbled on the long skirt she wore underneath the robes.

_How could the pure-bloods find them comfortable?_

Black burst with his signature cackle that, judging by Pascal’s blush, was at her expense. The witch lost all semblance of calm and stopped their baiting of one another, going on the offensive. _The Ravenclaw was as good at silent casting as she was at shooting bedroom eyes._

A purple flash whizzed past Lily. It dissolved upon hitting the window glass.

‘Talkalot! The aim is your opponent, not Evans!’ _Lucinda couldn’t get someone even with their back turned._

‘Expelliarmus!’ screamed a student from the other end of the room.

‘Pettigrew! Ten points from Gryffindor!’ professor snapped, walking there. ‘I want to hear no spells shouted, or whispered! Think them!’

‘Talky, ya sure you’re holding your wand the right way?’ Marlene taunted. Lily snorted, keeping the shield up against the barrage of Pascal’s hexes.

‘McKinnon, are you sure your uncle, or whatever that beast is, hadn’t had a go at you on the full moon? I wouldn’t be surprised with how rabid you are!’

‘Talkalot, McKinnon, do shut up!’ commented professor. _The wizard had an admirable hearing._

Another flash whizzed past Lily, colliding with the inside of her shield and producing blinding green sparks. Dropping protego, she barely missed two red spells and restored the barrier when Pascal showed no sign of slowing. Lily had to tire the brunette out, which was an excellent test of her defences. _If only she could manage the shield that allowed the spells to go through from her side._ It was an advanced bit of magic perfect for teamwork.

‘Talky, Talky, Talky,’ Marlene mocked, ‘maybe you shouldn’t talk shite about someone who could rip you to pieces!’

Lily jolted, catching a sharp movement from the corner of the eye.

‘McKinnon, five points off Gryffindor!’

Remus Lupin jumped to his feet, avoiding incarcerous.

‘Well done, Doherty! Ten points to Slytherin!’

The momentary loss of focus nearly cost Lily the duel: Pascal shattered protego and fired a white spell. _Petrificus totalus._ Lily dodged and someone behind her went down. _Marlene!_

‘Ha!’ Talkalot cried. ‘No one’s here to shield you this time. Lying at my feet suits you, McKinnon!’

‘Five points off Slytherin! I hear you once more, ladies, and it’ll be a detention time!’

 ‘Expelliarmus!’ Lily screamed in her mind together with the stunning curse. Pascal evaded the scarlet flash and avoided the red, but the second disarming charm hit her square in the chest. The Ravenclaw stumbled back, as her wand flew in a perfect arc. Lily caught it gracefully, beaming in victory.

_Perfection._

She spun and knocked Talkalot, who kept nudging Marlene with the foot, on her arse. With a wave of a wand, Marley was up.

‘Evans, nice one,’ murmured Potter few feet away, his broad back to her. He was maintaining the shield while Black sent slimy-looking spells at it. _Could magic even--?_ Potter stepped aside and the disgusting oily orange flash smacked Lily above the brows. The goo covered the entirety of her face and the front of the pressed robes she wore for the first time since buying them. Lily could hardly see or breathe.

‘Fuck! I’m so sorry!’

Potter fretted, wiping the honey-smelling slime frantically and rather painfully with the sleeves of his robes. _Why not use the wand?_  He stood closer than ever: once she could blink, Lily glimpsed hazel around his blown irises, smelled the candy apples. She focused on the roaring lion-head button of his school robes, imagining a date with a handsome bloke instead of Potter scourgifying the honey off while the perpetrator cackled like a lunatic behind him.

_Which reminded her..._

Aqua eructo erupted from her wand in a stream of icy water. Black dove for the ground dramatically, and the spell splashed Doherty, who was holding two wands triumphantly above the bound Lupin, in the face.

Lily cut off the water, mouth opening but not producing a sound. The Slytherin slashed the arm (Lily cast protego a tad too late) and was dry in an instant, steam coming off of her tall frame. The brown hair Doherty preferred sleek and straight grew frizzy, creating a halo of tangled locks; cheeks and lips flushed pink; perspiration stuck few baby hairs to the forehead. The look suited the witch, despite her lips being distorted in a vicious sneer and green eyes smouldering with intense hatred at Lily.

_Sorry!_

_Why couldn’t she say it?_

Lily’s voice refused to cooperate. Her heart was nearly jumping out of the ribcage. She swallowed with difficulty, parched throat clicking.  

Someone whistled.

‘Looking hot, Doherty!’ Kellaway shouted from the other side of the room, attracting all the attention. Professor, who was reprimanding Pettigrew next to the Ravenclaw, smacked the back of the wizard’s head. He checked the watch and groaned.

‘I’ll have you write three feet on your strategy in today’s practice by the next lesson,’ he dismissed everyone but Peter with a weary sigh. ‘Better have had one, McKinnon!’

Lily exhaled in uneasy relief, unfreezing when Pascal took her wand back with a distracted nod. The witch drooled over Black again, who was making excessive hand gestures at Potter. Doherty hadn’t moved, gaze burning bright like the jungle on fire, even as roped Lupin futilely tried to get the attention of the witch. Lily hastened to collect her bag and the hat, avoiding the Slytherin, and rushed outside.

_It was just an accident. No big deal._

_She must have done something to deserve it anyway._

Distracted by the mental argument, Lily barely noticed Dorcas and Mary falling into step next to her chatting about their duelling partners and the strategies, or Marlene, who lagged in a foul mood. She went up to the third floor, waving goodbyes.

 ‘Move faster, Lotty!’ a girl with short blond locks hissed. She rushed, breezing past Lily like a gust of sweet-smelling wind. _Should she make a reprimand?_

Looking over the shoulder, ‘Lotty’ paid no attention and nearly collided with Lily.

‘Sorry!’ she exclaimed and bolted after the blond.

‘No running in the corridors!’ Lily called but the student disappeared around the corner.

Deciding to let it slide, she continued and was soon caught in a pitifully small stream of the fifth-year Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs. Lily counted the few students and spotted one of her housemates cornering a Hufflepuff girl. They spoke in hushed tones, while the witch shied away from the boy’s gaze and touch.

_At least, Potter didn’t attempt physical harassment._

Putting the lovers spat out of her mind, Lily prepared to knock on the door and paused, hearing the voices.

‘--kind enough to allow you into the fifth year, which I must say I was thoroughly against, it does not free you of responsibility as a student to learn and perform the practical part during the lesson as you are instructed by your professor.’

A pause followed. Lily shuddered, imagining the stern stare of professor McGonagall. The scolded student remained wisely silent.

‘This is a year of the O.W.L. examinations, and,  as much as I regret to say it, you will be forced to move to year four, shall your practical performance continue to be non-existent.’

 _Threats of downgrading were grim, coming from the Deputy Headmistress._ Lily fiddled with the earlobe. _Someone was in trouble._

‘I will give you two weeks, as well as professors Flitwick and McClaggan, with whom I spoke and confirmed the very same concerns about your wandwork.’

More silence and a heavy sigh, which made Lily uneasy. It was one of her greatest fears to disappoint her Head of the House. She twisted the earring.

‘My intention is only to help you, Miss Black.’

Lily cringed, letting her arm fall.

_Sirius’s cousin…_

_Blood couldn’t guarantee strong magic after all. If only she could rub the faces of all pure-blood bigots in the fact._

‘--afraid you do. Your performance has not improved in the slightest since we last spoke. Alas, I have asked one of my best students to tutor you to see if you can manage any progress. Speaking of which, she must be here by now.’

_Shite!_

The door opened and Lily barely managed to keep the balance, having been leaning against it. Professor McGonagall observed with raised brows. Across from her a small girl with a head nearly full of grizzled curls lethargically turned, showing no surprise. Lily’s cheeks flamed as she sputtered apologies.

‘A little earwigging and…’ professor McGonagall paused, scrutinizing her robes, ‘questionable fashion choices,’ _What?_ Lily glanced down and cringed at the magic stains, blushing to the tips of her ears, ‘do not undermine the exceptional abilities of Miss Evans.’

The Deputy Headmistress faced the Hufflepuff, pursing the lips in what Lily knew to be the resolve to be as harsh as possible for the betterment of the student. This expression was only once directed at Lily in their third year. Her heart sped just from the reminiscence.

‘Now,’ the older woman stressed, oozing authority, ‘you will arrange a meeting at Miss Evans’s convenience for this weekend. I will make sure professor Flitwick checks on your progress on Monday and, of course, you will have to perform acceptably in my class. Do I make myself clear, Miss Black?’

The witch nodded, bland look not dissipating. Professor McGonagall sighed and fixed her glasses, patting Lily’s shoulder on the way out.

‘Miss Evans, simply close the door once you’re finished.’

The blatant trust of the Deputy Headmistress sent Lily to the ninth cloud. Pleasure spilt in a pool of warmth inside her ribcage, spreading in tingles to the toes. The hush that enveloped the room dulled the fuzzy bliss, making her fidget. Lily refused to speak first, scrutinizing the grey-haired Hufflepuff.

_Wasn’t there a wizarding dye?_

Black had shown no desire to tame the short grey curls, which stuck each way in adorable if messy fashion. _Probably, to her, blood was more important._ The witch wore a black robe (some kind of twigs sticking out of the collar) with no bauble or ribbon or scarf to identify the House affiliation. Lily itched to confirm the rumours about her hatred towards the Hufflepuff firsthand, but it meant starting the conversation.

_Black was the one who needed help!_

‘I suppose,’ the girl drawled, studying the floor, ‘we should forget about this.’

_Wha-?_

‘What?’ Lily exclaimed, incredulous. Black slowly looked up. Her dark blue eyes were piercing, generating a strong sense of unease.

‘You needn’t bother with professor’s request,’ she uttered after a long moment, frowning. Her hand crept up to rub the forehead.

Lily was struck speechless. _Was the girl serious?_

_Who did she think she was?!_

‘Professor McGonagall made me responsible for tutoring you,’ Lily hissed, outraged. _The nerve!_ ‘and I will tutor you every single day for the next two weeks as I promised!’

Black stared with an impassive expression, which made Lily’s blood boil. _Was she an idiot, unfamiliar with the concept of rules?_

 _Was she, perhaps, disgusted to have a muggle-born tutor?_ Severus’s hurtful slur replayed itself in exquisite detail: how his eyes glittered menacingly, thin lips curled in a hideous sneer as the cold voice spit out the disgusting words.

‘If the purity of my blood concerns you,’ Lily fiddled with the earlobe, floundering in the memories of the lake incident last June. Her thoughts shifted towards Doherty and the speech she rehearsed countless times after their fight in the third year. _Why did the clever response rarely come to her in the heat of the moment?_ ‘Perhaps, you should look in the mirror and ask yourself, how could it be that a muggle-born witch is so much smarter and better in learning and practising magic than the pure-bloods who are supposedly naturally predisposed to it!’

Her fingers yanked the earring, making Lily snap out of it. Black was batting the lashes in a perfect imitation of cluelessness. _Was she an idiot? A good actor?_

‘Why wou-’

The door opened with a bang, cutting off the response and making Lily jump. Sirius Black barreled in, jaw set. Potter followed with a hand in the hair (‘Alright, Evans?’).

‘You’re not going,’ Sirius stated, towering over the girl menacingly. She cocked the head like a puppy.

‘Where am I not going, Sirius?’ the small witch wasn’t intimidated in the least.

‘Dumbledore. You are not going,’ he spoke through the gritted teeth. The cousins indulged in a glaring match.

_Professor Dumbledore._

Potter lost interest in his friend’s tantrum and kept peeping her way. _What a creep._

_Dinner must’ve been served already._

‘Headmaster requested my presence,’ the girl broke the silent spell.

_Oh, so she did receive detention for the moonflower stunt._

‘I don't give a fuck!’ Sirius slashed the arm as if striking an invisible enemy with a sword, moving closer to her. Lily’s gasp at the language was left ignored. ‘You’ll not go.’

Potter stepped forward, apprehensive. The air in the office grew stuffy, smelling faintly of ozone.

‘I am my own person,’ the Hufflepuff said slowly, peering at Potter and Lily with a guarded mien. Severus made a similar face when someone talked about his father in front of an audience of any number of people.

‘They aren’t going to blabber,’ Sirius waved dismissively, inches away from the witch. _For all his perception skills, he lacked personal space boundaries._ The Hufflepuff didn’t shy away to Lily’s reluctant respect.

‘You are fifteen,’ he softened the tone, which didn’t affect the stubborn stance of the girl. Lily rolled her eyes. She had watched all these scenarios play out before in Tuney’s favourite romantic dramas. Now was a cue time for poorly chosen words.

‘How does it matt--’

‘I am legally an adult and an heir to the house!’ Sirius boomed, visibly refraining from shaking her. ‘You will listen, Mirach.’

_Wasn’t that another star name?_

‘I forbid you.’

_And the drama played out just like on tele._

Mirach’s countenance cleared. Lily blinked at the instant change, memories assaulting her.

_‘The glaring sign is the so-called poker face, employed when the person ought to react,’ Severus sneered at the muggle term, his hair hanging like black curtains around the sallow face._

‘Heir to the house… forbids me.’

_Sev spoke of Occlumency on more than one occasion; even demonstrated. ‘Clearing the mind,’ he called it, facial muscles freezing like a mask of polite boredom._

‘Miri, I didn't mean to say it like that.’

_Oh, he meant it alright._

_It made perfect sense Blacks knew Occlumency. What about Legilimency? The girl’s gaze was penetrating, and the art was dark - expected of a Black to know_. Lily swallowed recalling any unsavoury comments she thought during their brief interaction.

‘Sirius,’ Mirach’s voice was quiet and affectionate, and sweet, which startled Lily. Petunia once used to speak to her like that. ‘Professor Dumbledore would never hurt me.’

‘But he already did!’ Black lost any control, grabbing the witch by the shoulders, though shook her gently. Potter stopped half-step, gaping at Lily’s hand clutching his.

 _When did she--?_ Lily dropped it as if burnt and blushed when he peered at her, smiling reluctantly. _Potter was too handsome for a toerag. Why did he have to behave like a twit?_

‘You don't remember, do you?’ Sirius spoke after a while, snapping Lily out of the Potter-contemplations. A guilty surprise showed on Mirach’s face, the kind of a child’s caught looting in a sweets cupboard before lunch.

‘He obliviated you...’ Sirius exhaled shakily and spun on the spot. _What?_ Lily stumbled back. His murderous grimace was chilling: the grey eyes sparkled maniacally, brows furrowed, lips twisted in a snarl. Potter stood taller, advancing to meet his mate’s rage. ‘This fucki--’

Mirach grasped Sirius’s sleeve and pulled. The wizard turned to her immediately, albeit, with the same deadly look. The small girl didn’t falter.

‘No one obliviated me,’ her slow speech was calming to the agitated teen. Mirach’s hand drifted to his shoulder. ‘Headmaster had done a lot for me,’ she silenced the retort by petting his cheek. ‘We’ve got to respect the authority.’

Lily snorted at the irony. _Only earlier she tried to skip the tutoring arranged by the professor._ Potter wasn’t amused, scrutinizing the grey-haired witch.

‘No, in this instance we don’t,’ Sirius argued.

‘Agree to disagree.’

‘No!’ he drew away from her caress. Lily jumped at the sudden snap in the mood. James tutted and exhaled through the nose. ‘No disagreement or whatever fuck shit! You’re not going! You owe him fuck-all. You must obey, Mirach. I forbid it!’

The witch was unmoving, hand still suspended in the air that became stifling. Her poker face was perfect, but the eyes glowed frighteningly bright. Lily swore the twigs at the collar of the girl’s robes twitched. Black pointed the index finger at her cousin, whose pose changed from looming into hunching and defensive.

‘Sirius Black,’ Mirach pronounced his name in a manner Lily’s mom usually employed to stop the fight between her and Tuney. Sirius shrank even more, stuffing fists in the pockets, but stubbornly glared with a stiff jaw. James shifted from foot to foot but didn’t show any discomfort Lily felt, instead, shaking in silent laughter.

_What was so funny?_

‘I will do however I please,’ the quiet words were accompanied by the rise in tension, like before the storm. A huge spider (Lily squeaked) leapt from under the collar on Mirach’s outstretched arm and charged menacingly towards the wizard. It jumped (Lily screamed, unable to contain herself) and froze mid-air, moving its legs agitatedly.

_What the hell?!_

‘That’s one big-ass spider,’ Potter mumbled. _It looked poisonous, too._ Lily swallowed, an overwhelming urge to be out of the room growing exponentially with every rapid heartbeat.

The cousins didn’t mind the agitated arachnid, having another glaring competition. It rotated in the air, unhappy. Mirach focused on the creature, nodding as if understanding the jerky leg movements. She offered the palm (Lily’s arms broke in goose flesh) and brought the spider to her shoulder, where it scurried under the left side of the neckband, only three of its black shiny legs visible. They were nothing like twigs. Lily shuddered, imagining the spider’s touch on the skin.

Mirach ambled to the pair of them. Lily had to grasp Potter’s arm again to halt the show of a coward’s retreat. _It was just a spider._ Black studied the back of her fuming cousin, who glowered at the wall, with a stubborn yet regretful countenance, and hung the head. She scrutinized them next, lingering on their linked hands (or rather on Potter’s wrist held hostage), with a frown, rubbing the forehead. A drop of blood trailed from her left nostril.

Lily was paralyzed by the bizarreness of the whole encounter. Potter made a noise in the back of the throat, drawing Mirach’s attention, and pointed at his nose. The girl wiped the blood, smearing red on the upper lip. Uncaring, she turned to Lily.

‘When shall we meet?’

Lily had no idea what the witch was asking. She certainly didn’t want to meet with any Blacks in the nearest future.

‘Have you changed your mind?’ Mirach lifted one greying eyebrow. _What was the matter with her hair anyway? Even professor McGonagall had less salt in the intricate chigno--_

‘The tutoring! Yes!’ Lily blurted, remembering her responsibilities, and released Potter. ‘I mean no, I haven’t changed my mind!’ she exclaimed when Mirach coked the head. ‘Tomorrow right after breakfast in the library!’ Black’s lips twitched. She hummed and strolled out.

The relief that coursed through Lily’s veins was overwhelming.

 ‘So, Evans,’ Potter called, arm rising and dropping, ‘going to Hogsmeade tomorrow?’

_Was it the time for that question?_

‘No,’ Lily replied curtly. _She was hungry and tired, and Blacks were too bizarre to deal with on the best of days, and she’d seen that poisonous spider on “The World About Us”, and her parents never sent the letter as they promised, and…_

‘Sunday then, huh?’

_Could the bloke take a hint and bugger off?_

She watched Sirius from the corner of the eye, inching away from Potter. _Were they ever going to leave? She had to make sure the door was closed._

‘Say, Evans…’

 _Oh, dear Lord! No, she didn’t want to go with him! Ever!_ She faced Potter, ready to make it explicitly clear where he should stuff his idiotic propositions once and for all.

‘Fuck!’ Sirius roared, nearly ripping the hair from the head, and stormed off in her next furious heartbeat. _The wizard could give anyone a heart attack!_ Potter groaned, smiled ruefully and chased after his mate.

_Thank Lord for the small mercies!_

Lily made way to the Great Hall, apprehensive and hopeful to get to dinner with no interruptions. Which she should’ve known was not to be with how the evening progressed so far. She glanced at the watch. At least there was still almost an hour and a half before the food was cleared.

Ahead the Hufflepuff girl Lily saw earlier was crying while a Gryffindor bloke refused to let her leave.

‘Just tell me what is wrong, Delia!’ he shouted, slamming fists on the wall next to her head. The olive-skinned witch shrank and wailed, shaking the head.

Lily drew the wand.

‘Step away from the girl.’

Cold disdain flooded her. _Was ‘no’ a difficult word to understand?_

‘Fuck off!’ he had the nerve to snap.

‘I don’t think so,’ Lily aimed at him. Fury lit her insides. ‘Step away from her _this instant_!’

The teen finally turned and blanched either at her expression or the raised wand. It was a fifth-year Gryffindor. Lennox Jordan, if Lily wasn’t mistaken.

He lifted hands in surrender but didn’t move.

‘Evans, I’m sorry,’ the Gryffindor rushed to say. ‘I’m a bit busy here discussing some things with my girlfriend.’

Lily glanced at the Hufflepuff who was in hysterics.

‘She obviously doesn’t want to speak to you now.’

Jordan stepped to the left as if to shield the witch he brought to tears form the incredulous Lily. _Was the wizard completely delusional?_

‘Listen,’ he used the placating tone, which annoyed Lily further. ‘You can take points for my rudeness or whatever. But just walk away. It ain’t any of your business.’

_And it wasn’t._

But the girl cried just like Mary last year after the disgusting things Mulciber tried to do to her _for a laugh_. Lily ground the teeth at the memory and threw the shoulders back, not dropping the aim. Her heart beat an even if slightly elevated rhythm, her hand was steady. It was strangely liberating to feel so much control.

‘Leave and let her calm down.’

Jordan didn’t care to listen, stubbornly not moving at inch. After a while, he let his arms flop to the sides. _He thought she was taking the piss._

‘I will curse you if I have to,’ Lily prepared, watching bloke’s every movement. But Jordan ignored the threat, turning his back on her.

‘Delia, I’m sorry I yelled, just please talk to me,’ he begged, trying to touch the girl’s cheek. She flinched away and run around him and behind Lily.

The wizard wilted like the rose she’d once forgotten to water for a week and stood there so miserable pity overwhelmed her. _What was she to do with two crying kids?_

Then, he opened his mouth.

‘Sticking your nose into other people’s business,’ the boy muttered resentfully. ‘Do you enjoy it, you meddling cunt?!’ he whirled around, a hideous sneer marring his face. ‘Not one of us ever snooped in your and Potter’s relationship, innit?’

The ugly grimace from the usually amiable teen chocked Lily for a brief moment before anger overtook the surprise. _Who did he think he was?_ A bogies hex was smoking on the end of her wand when Jordan threw one last pitiful glance at his girlfriend and buggered right off.

_The nerve of the wanker! Professor McGonagall would certainly not approve of such behaviour. Detention or two would serve the git right!_

Sniffles startled Lily out of the righteous indignation. The curly-haired witch was hugging herself, tears streaming from her puffy eyes surrounded by dark circles.

‘Hey,’ Lily murmured, patting the girl’s shoulder, ‘he’s gone.’

Delia, as Jordan called the witch, shook the head as more tears fell.

_What would’ve mom said to her or Tuney?_

‘There, there, dear,’ Lily softened the voice to a near whisper, moving closer to the distraught teen, rubbing her upper arms. ‘Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?’

Delia wept in silence but didn’t reject Lily’s consolations.

When Tuney got dumped mom hugged her and listened and said in a strict no-nonsense tone, where them boys who didn’t want to date any of her beautiful daughters had to stick it. Lily, who was eavesdropping from around the corner, barely held back the giggles when Petunia laughed breathily.

‘You know, my mom always told me and my sister that no boy deserved our tears,’ Lily tried to catch the girl’s gaze. ‘I’m sure yours said something similar.’

Delia’s face crumbled and she yowled, throwing herself at Lily.

‘D-dead… only daddy…and he s-said-said… he would-would k-k… didn’t w-work ag-ain… What do I d-do? Why-why me?’ she stammered between the heart-wrenching sobs and coughs, and snuffles, and hiccups.

‘I’m so tired!’ the Hufflepuff wailed, clinging to Lily like a frightened kitten. ‘Why, why can’t he lea-leave me al-lone? I-I don’t want to do it! I’m tired and s-s-so s-scared!’

Her words dissolved in an even more agonizing bawl. Lily held the girl, fighting the itch inside the nose and eyes. Wave after wave pity for the pathetically babbling witch covered her. Rage stewed under it. Acid was clogging her throat from the mere thought about the vile implications of Delia’s breakdown. _Manipulating an innocent girl, threatening to get her affections… Jordan was not going to get away with that!_

‘Here’s what we’re going to do,’ Lily stated when the witch calmed. _They had to act quickly. Jordan would regret he had a willy at all!_ ‘We’ll go to your Head of the House and she’ll call professor McGonagall and you will tell them everything he threatened you with.’

Delia recoiled, ashen in the face except for the redness around the eyes, nose and the lips. The yellow of Hufflepuff’s scarf clashed with her terrified expression. _Just what did that wanker tell her?_

‘Delia, whatever he said, it was a lie.’

The girl trembled, backing away.

_What was she afraid of Lily for? Didn’t she need help?_

‘He can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to!’ Lily stomped the foot to relieve the mounting irritation when the Hufflepuff continued to retreat. ‘Jordan or whatever boyfriend you’ll ever have in the future have no right to blackmail you for sex!’

The ‘ex’ echoed along the fortunately empty corridor. Delia froze half-step and exhaled loudly, blushing pink. Lily’s heart was hammering, as fire-flowers bloomed on her cheeks.

‘Lennox,’ Delia breathed the name lovingly and started laughing.

Lily was dumbfounded. _Was she away with the fairies?_

‘You misunderstood!’ the Hufflepuff exclaimed. ‘Lennox would never!’ And she went on singing praises to her boyfriend, who was so wonderful and understanding; and Lily got nothing to worry about; and it was just the stress before the end-of-term exams; and she was ‘so silly’ and ‘so sorry to randomly turn the waterworks on; and could Lily ‘please not report Lennox’ because ‘everything was just a misunderstanding’.

Disappointment pulsed steadily in Lily’s chest, turning her limbs heavy, mind – tired. _Why did girls settle for arseholes? Why protect those who only knew how to hurt?_

_Why did she even care?_

 ‘Delia,’ she tried to appeal, cutting off the Hufflepuff’s stream of lies, ‘the bloke isn’t worth it.’

The words were of no use. Delia was in vehement denial, giving a twisted empty smile that was an obvious front for the inner turmoil Lily accidentally glimpsed. _At least, she wasn’t crying anymore._

‘Well,’ Lily sighed as the awkward silence descended. _One couldn’t succour those who didn’t want any help. Severus taught that lesson well._

_How could she help? Mom would suggest…_

‘Talk to a friend!’ Lily said, the nervous energy of failing to connect with the girl turning her speech falsely excitable. _It was decent advice, right?_ ‘If you need a friend I can listen, or… or you can talk to your other,’ she swallowed, trying to slow down, ‘friends.’

Delia stared like Lily was a three-headed dog.   _Petunia whispered, ‘Freak,’ under her breath._

‘Friends,’ the curly witch muttered, eyes flickering and coming alive. The Hufflepuff beamed at the nonplussed Lily, repeating ‘thanks’ and ‘sorries’, and rushed off.

_What a massive failure._

_Should she have ignored the couple?_

Her stomach growled and Lily hurried to the Great Hall. The hunger subdued her desire for an alone time after the eventful evening.

 _What would Tuney say if she met with Delia or Potter, or, she feared to imagine, Mirach Black and that spider?_ Suddenly, ‘freak’ wasn’t so hurtful. Her behaviour was more sensible and ordinary in comparison.

 ‘Where’ve you been?’ Mary asked when Lily flopped down at the table and filled the plate. She shrugged, not wanting to discuss her peculiar encounters. Jordan was picking at his dinner next to a blond bloke.

_Maybe, she should have left him to sort out his own mess._

‘Marlene’s at it again,’ Dorcas whispered, nudging Lily in the ribs. Marley sat opposite of Mary and closest to the Potter’s gang, snarling at Pettigrew.

‘And how would you learn that, you little conniving Hobbit? Oh, wait, your mommy told you so.’

‘Fuck off, McKinnon! What do you know about anything?’

Black was squashed between the arguing duo _(which was a first)_ and ignored everything, glowering at the shepherd’s pie in front of him. Potter yawned from across the table, messing his hair. Lupin stared at the ceiling vacantly, away in a daydream he visited so frequently lately.

‘What’s it about this time?’ asked Lily between the spoonfuls. She wasn’t interested in the topic of Marlene’s occasional bitch fest with Pettigrew, but the alternative was to contemplate Jordan and Delia.

‘Peter said some witch was just another pure-blood princess waiting on a prince,’ Mary muttered, while Marlene called Pettigrew a nasty name. The mousy-haired teen was purple with anger. _When they visited her grandfather in the hospital, Lily’s mom noted such skin colour was bad for health. Papa Luke relished ranting to the point of getting a heart attack._

‘Not some witch, Mary,’ argued Dorcas, ‘he talked about Sirius’s cousin.’

Lily choked on the tea and coughed, waving away the concerned pats. _Only the Black girl was missing to complete the evening._

‘Speak of the devil,’ Mary muttered.

Lily turned so fast something in her neck popped. Indeed, Black was strolling along the Gryffindor table, followed by the murmurs. A flock of third-years next to her stopped arguing about kelpies and unicorns and whispered, ‘Don’t look into her eyes or you’ll be jinxed forever.’

_Could someone curse with a glance? Severus boasted Advanced Legilimency worked that way._

The grey-haired witch ignored the hushed conversations and stopped behind Potter, looking straight at the sulking Sirius. The three spider legs were still sticking from the collar of her robes.

_Was it allowed to have such a creature as a familiar?_

Potter threw his head back, hair falling away from the eyes in an endearing way, and grinned at the girl. Mirach focused on him and smiled. It was a lovely, dimpled beam that lit her face.

The whole table peeked at the Hufflepuff witch. Lupin was awestruck, similar to a fine art connoisseur admiring La Gioconda. Dorcas whispered something to Mary, making her giggle. Pettigrew’s mouth was still open, the retort forgotten. Marlene smirked, clapping her hands two times.

‘Just the witch I needed!’ she exclaimed in ‘let’s throw some shite at the fan’ tone. Dorcas whimpered recognizing it at once. ‘Wouldn’t you agree Peter here is just like little Pippin, Mirach?’

_When did Marlene meet her?_

‘Shut your gob, before I make you!’ snarled Pettigrew, shaking the finger in brunette’s face in front of silently fuming Sirius. _Why would Black choose to torture himself sitting there?_

‘And what’re going to do? Scream till I drop dead?’ Marlene taunted.

‘I’ll tell my cousin--’

‘Puh-lease, e-ve-ry-one knows you got no cousin--’

‘--call me hobbit one mo--’

‘Peregrin Took was courageous and kind,’ Mirach’s slow speech should’ve drowned in the raging argument. Yet, it rang clear stopping the two mid-rant. ‘How is it a bad comparison?’

_Did she read Tolkien? It could not be._

Someone loudly snorted along the table.

‘His height, Black!’ Davey Gudgeon shouted, snickering next to Kellaway, who was busy flirting with the bored Emmeline Vance. ‘She implies he’s short like a hobbit.’

‘I’m even shorter,’ Mirach replied. Many of Lily’s housemates laughed.

‘Yeah, but you’re cute,’ rumbled Potter, winking mischievously. Black didn’t giggle or blush but furrowed the brows, pursing her lips. It didn’t throw him off. _Potter was nothing but stubborn._ He opened his mouth...

‘ _You_ ’ve read Tolkien?’ blurted Lily. The haunting blueberry eyes settled on her. Mirach didn’t reply. ‘I mean,’ Lily continued, needing to fill the sudden silence at the table. ‘He was a muggle and you are…’ she shrugged.

_It was obvious, wasn’t it? The whole school knew about her poisonous ‘love’ for her non-pure-blood housemates._

Marlene frowned. Mary and Dorcas exchanged glances, fidgeting. Potter was speechless, Lupin – angry. Pettigrew slurped the tea, observing everyone with an alertness he rarely expressed in class.

‘And she is a Black!’ Sirius snapped, scowling. Lily lifted the hands in peace offering. Tension made her heart pound. The annoyance and indignation began to rise. _She didn’t say anything offensive or false!_

Mirach ignored her cousin’s foul temper.

‘Have you read Tolkien?’

_What was that question? She was the muggle-born out of the two of them!_

Lily glanced around. The table was anticipating her reply.   _How was that ridiculous conversation interesting?_

‘Well, yeah! Although, not everything he wrote.’

Mirach nodded, countenance inscrutable, and turned to Sirius. Lily exhaled in relief. _Why did she even speak to her?_

‘About that meeting…’ Mirach trailed off, clearly expressing the need to take the conversation away from the prying eyes.

_Lily wouldn’t have wanted to discuss a disciplinary meeting in front of other people either._

Sirius was quiet, mien stormy, mouth twisted in a peevish half-pout, half-sneer.

_Couldn’t they practise the Shakespearean tragedy elsewhere?_

‘Go on,’ he donned an unconvincing mask of boredom, refusing to leave. _‘Example of poorly performed occlumency,’ Severus would have sneered. Black’s petulance, on the other hand, was top-notch._

Marlene booed.

‘Sod off, McKinnon,’ Sirius shot back without heat.

Mirach observed him with narrowed eyes and smiled. Lily swallowed. _Petunia was just as sweet the day her laundry disappeared after she complained about the pink spots from Tuney’s red jeans._

‘It went well,’ Mirach articulated with great precision, turned away and walked off without another word.

Marlene cackled, pointing at the dumbfounded Sirius. Potter watched the retreating Hufflepuff with an amused grin. _What was so funny?_

Black smacked the fist on the table, knocking several goblets and plates, making nearby students choke or jump in fright, and stalked after the witch. His love for the abrupt bellows and slams was beyond annoying. Lily spilt the tea all over her front, which didn’t even matter: the robes could’ve been salvaged only with the elf’s help by that point.

Potter glanced at her as his gang followed Black.

_Ugh!_

The dinner was over in a couple of minutes.

_Why couldn’t Potter be a nice bloke? Kind, humble, not this bullying, arrogant--_

‘--not like Remus but he sure does stare at her a lot,’ said Mary. They reached the portrait and Lily barely noticed the journey. For a Friday evening, the common room was too empty. Few students gathered by the window table watching a game of exploding snap. The Head Girl spoke to Kirke in the corner. Lily groaned. _She had to patrol with Lupin tomorrow._

‘Probably, because of Sirius,’ Dorcas peeked at her over the shoulder.

_What was that about?_

‘May-be.’

Lily’s curiosity was peaked.

‘What are you whispering?’

The girls exchanged glances. Marlene looked testy, demonstratively picking the nails. Lily frowned in confusion. A needle of irritation at the dismissive attitude poked her.

‘Well,’ Dorcas started, ‘you know, James…’ she peered at Mary, scratching the upper arm. ‘You might have competition.’

 _Competition?_ _Potter?_

Lily gritted her teeth.

_Could she have a break from the toerag!?_

‘I don't care who that poser fancies.’

_Would the topic never die?_

‘Pfft!’ Marlene couldn’t even bother to look up from her stupid nails. The pesky needle became a nail. _What was her problem? Lily certainly knew better who she liked and didn’t._

‘He curses everyone in the hallways for the fun of it,’ she listed to prove the point, ignoring Marlene’s derisive snorts, ‘he torments Slytherins, he's a bully!’

_Lily hated bullies!_

‘So, you wouldn't mind him liking Sirius's cousin?’ Dorcas asked slyly.

_Sirius’s cousin? That girl?_

_Again?_

‘What?’ Lily exclaimed, bewildered. Her chest burned, filling with hotness. She swallowed the vexation down.

_It was ridiculous! The witch wasn’t even Potter’s type!_

‘But Black is…’ Lily waved the hand floundering for a fitting adjective, ‘plain and that hair,’ _Potter always admired her red locks_ , ‘and she's a bigot, which given that incident with the datura and her attitude--’

‘Bullshite!’ Marlene finally faced Lily, squaring shoulders like before a duel.

‘You don't know that, Marley,’ Mary murmured.

‘But I do!’ she snapped and softened the tone. ‘She's nice, really.’

Lily sniffed. _Clearly, it was a rose-tinted impression, however the two met._

‘You should've heard how she spoke to professor McGonagall and me earlier. It didn't sound so nice,’ she pointed out. Marlene scowled.

‘Well, if you asked some high-horsed arsehole question again,’ she bit out.

_What was that supposed to mean?_

‘She said I should ignore professor's request--’

‘The horror!’

‘Yes!’ Lily stomped the foot to relieve some of her frustration. The furnace in her chest was growing hotter with every moment. _Why couldn’t Marley understand?_ ‘I am to tutor Black and she obviously despises me for my blood!’

Her friends and several students, scattered around the room, gaped. Marlene shook the head with a disappointed mien.

‘You're all about that kind of bullshite lies, aren't you?’ the witch accused, outraged. Lily chocked on a breath. _Was that a joke?_

_What lies?! She said none!_

‘Just what is your problem with me?’ Lily cried. Her cheeks and chest radiated heat, eyes were full of sand. Marlene continued the blame speech.

‘Doherty,’ _What?_ ‘Now Mirach,’ _Doherty? Doherty!_ ‘Are you spreading rumours about her as well?’

_This again?_

_What had the snake to do with anything?_

‘You’re ranting because of that wretched Slytherin bigot?’ Lily yelped.

‘It doesn't matter what she is!’ the brunette witch barked, blowing the long bangs out of the flashing brown eyes. ‘You hit her with a curse in class and never apologized!’

‘Served her right!’ Lily shouted, gulping breaths. Fury was burning her from the inside. _Why was Marlene attacking her? They were on the same side!_

Marlene gawked, incredulous. Mary and Dorcas stepped away, refusing to join the years-old argument about the Slytherin. Some students left the room to avoid the fight. Others watched on or minded their own business.

‘Who are you?’ Marley murmured, scrunching up the forehead. _Why was she making that expression?_ ‘Did it serve her right in the third year when you spread all those rumours?’

‘It did!’ she exclaimed. The brunette recoiled.

_But Lily was no liar, however ugly the truth might’ve been!_

‘And I had nothing to do with the rumou--’

‘Puh-lease!’

‘I had nothing to do with the rumours!’ Lily denied, tugging on the earlobe and hissing in pain. _How many times were they going to return to this foolish argument? Did it matter anymore? It’s been years!_  

‘Even if I had she deserved it for that foul word she spewed everywhere!’

‘She was thirteen, Lily!’ Marlene cried, wrinkling the nose as if smelling something foul. ‘Parents took her out of school for the whole term! She's a girl just like you and me! Imagine, how humiliating it would’ve been, how terrible if there was some bullshite circulating that you were sleeping with a professor!’

‘Well, she shouldn't have done that!’ she scoffed. The temper was getting the better of her.

‘It was proven she didn't!’

Lily sniffed. _Surely! Blood and money in this world could clean any slate._

‘And she shouldn't have called me a Mudblood!’ she yelled, tears flooding her vision. Lily blinked furiously, refusing to let them spill. The ringing in her ears was deafening, making her brain ache. Every other noise ceased in the wake of the uttered slur.

‘Of course,’ Marlene nodded after a while, then, shook the head. Lily’s chest constricted at her dismayed face. ‘Everyone in the whole fucking school knows that nobody calls Lily Evans the M-word.’

Marley’s stare was full of disdain.

‘Wait,’ her lip curled, ‘your sleazy friend didn't, but he learned real quick, didn’t he?’

Something tickled Lily’s cheek and she brushed it away, dumbstruck. _What business did Marlene have bringing up Severus?_

‘Your friend threw the word that offends you so much left and right for years. But it didn't matter, didn't it? Until he said it to _you_!’

_None of her friends ever tried to accept or understand him._

‘You call Potter a bully, but you’re no better!’  

_Potter?_

‘And you clearly fancy the bloke!’

_Potter!? The tormentor of her hateful former friend? That’s irresistible, isn’t it!?_

The pain in her chest transformed into a white-hot rage, spreading rapidly.

‘Potter that, Potter this! Maybe, you're the one who fancies him!’ Lily barked, poking Marlene in the cheek. Something inside her itched to lash out and she let go. ‘Or that... that spider-loving grey-haired freak!’

_Oh my God!_

Nausea hit her like the sea waves slammed the Dover cliffs. Lily had to cover the mouth to stop the bile that threatened to expel from her gut.

_She said it._

_How could she have said this word?_

‘Admit it!’ Marlene demanded unaware of her anguish. The self-disgust melted into absolute wrath.

_The fuckwitted son of a sodding toad!_

_How many times must she repeat? She didn’t like Potter!_

_Not one bit!_

_Not in a million years!_

‘I can’t stand the braggart!’ Lily shouted, trembling all over. ‘And I pity you! Or anyone who has the misfortune to get his attention! I want nothing to do with that snob! I said and said ‘no’ until I lost count! Can't you bloody take a hint? Can’t he!?’

Lily gulped the air, as the room spun around and tilted from side to side. Her heart pounded, painfully stuttering every other beat. She rubbed the chest, trying to appease the discomfort. Everything was silent, but her loud breaths.

Mary signed, Dorcas winced. Marlene’s gaze was sad, even contrite. Dread and regret filled Lily, squeezing her lungs. She had no courage to face the boy, who by the twisted Sod’s Law of this dreadful evening must have heard everything.

‘No worries, Evans,’ James Potter grumbled, and a black pit opened in her stomach, threatening to swallow everything whole. ‘I’ll take that hint now.’

He stalked towards the dorms. Lily lowered her head, not willing to meet anyone’s glare. The utter defeat and shame overflowed.

_She spoke her mind, didn’t she? She denied and argued; exaggerated and blamed; even insulted. Yet, the frustration didn’t dissipate._

_Was it fair to spill everything on Marlene? Mary? Dorcas?_

_On Potter?_

_Was it even how she truly felt?_

‘Call Mirach a freak again, Evans, and Prongs’s feelings to you wouldn’t matter anymore,’ Sirius warned in a menacing murmur.

Everything swam in front of Lily, and the tears finally fell.

‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled, not sure if anyone heard.

The evening was officially far worse than after Severus rejected her help in the most derogatory way possible. _She shouted at Marlene and was hurtful to someone, who genuinely liked her._

‘Lily,’ Mary called tentatively. A warm palm gently touched her shoulder. Lily glanced up into the concerned faces of her friends. Marlene was flushed from their argument but didn’t leave. A fierce urge to make everything better filled her.

‘Marley,’ she sniffed, wiping the tears away. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘You should apologize to someone else, Lily,’ Marlene said, biting on her cuticles. ‘And I’m sorry, too,’ she stepped from foot to foot, frowning and averting the eyes. ‘But, you know, this argument. We’ll just keep coming back to it.’

_What?_

Marlene stopped her question with a raised hand.

‘I felt awful about Doherty,’ she rushed, ‘and so very sorry it happened, and I apologized--’

‘For wha--’

‘--even though she didn’t accept it,’ Marlene finished with a relieved exhale.

_What?_

‘I couldn’t forgive myself even thinking that I could’ve contributed to that fucking rumour.’

_Oh._

Lily had no reply. Marlene stared at her and sighed, blowing the bangs out of the eyes.

‘Think about it, Lily,’ she said and walked away.

Her head was empty for the rest of the evening. While it was a blessing the unpleasant sensation of missing something didn’t dissipate.

Marlene insisted Lily fancied Potter ( _which she didn’t_ ), while the wizard was watching Black ( _which she didn’t care about_ ).

‘--kelpie, dark and hiding in the tall grass--’

Marley called the peculiar witch nice ( _which Black wasn’t, and Lily dreaded their tutoring session the very next morning_ ).

‘--like a unicorn! Shiny, silver--’

Marlene still blamed her for the Doherty scandal.

‘--too many lullabies, that’s what--’

Lily sighed. The words of the book that lay in her knees made no sense.

‘--saw it! It appears at the Quidditch pitch every night--’

_But what good an apology would do years later? And wouldn’t it confirm that Lily was at fault, which she wasn’t._

‘Two in the morning, we’re telling you!’

The shout startled Lily. The book slipped and flopped on the floor. She scrambled to get it, but the pages were already bent. _Pince was going to crucify her._ A group of third-years blushed and scattered under Lily’s glare.

_If only her worst problem was a creased paper._

That night no dreams stayed with Lily, despite her active habit of keeping the dream journal. Breakfast was slow. At eight the Great Hall was nearly empty: most students, including her friends, choosing sleep over food until the last moment.

At the Hufflepuff table, Head Boy kept fixing his badge, glancing at the Gryffindor Head Girl, who faced him and pretended to be oblivious. The blush on her cheeks was a dead give-away.

A witch lay on the bench at the Ravenclaw table, dancing with her wrists and fingers. A blond wizard next to her stared, and once the girl was finished made similar hand movements as if replying in an unknown language. Lily didn’t risk looking beyond Ravenclaw, not willing to meet Severus’s dark eyes even by accident.

The post arrived. Lily, content to finally get the letter from her parents, settled to read. They praised the sights of Portsmouth and recounted Petunia’s likes and dislikes (Lily snorted at the detailed description of the hair-styling struggles close to the sea) and wrote how regrettably dull and forgettable last evening was.

_How did she confuse the day of their return trip? At least, they were safely home._

Reluctantly Lily tugged at the Prophet, peeking at the front page. “An Attack on the Muggle-borns in the Southsea Was Prevented by the Aurors,” said the title. The picture starred scowling twins, a round-faced tall wizard, a short-haired smiling witch and a savage-looking man, who stood serious and alert in front of some kind of palace on a pier. The sub-title claimed no casualties for a change, which was a relief. Lily ignored the rest of the paper, in no mood to read nonsense about pure-blood marriages or disappearances of muggle-borns and their families.

To her annoyance, the Black girl didn’t show up. Lily had no choice but to hope the witch waited at the library. Marlene was missing as well though Dorcas and Mary came, waving and chatting as usual. Potter’s gang rushed into the Hall minutes before the end of the breakfast. Black glared at her, Lupin gave a curt nod, Pettigrew was checking around, most probably for Marlene. James, who went out of his way to send Lily a dazzling grin every single morning, didn’t so much as breathe in her direction.

Unease ate away at her insides as she contemplated not having wizard’s attentions. A bizarre sense of loss churned in the gut. _Did she get used to the toerag?_  Lily sniffed, dismissing the notion of missing him. _She had better to do._ The tutoring wouldn’t give itself for one. _She’d even try to trust Marlene’s judgment and give Mirach the benefit of the doubt._

_Potter was of no matter. Whom he fancied had nothing to do with her. Lily wanted him to bugger off and he finally did._

_So why wasn’t she happy?_


End file.
